


Devil Side

by eyessharpweaponshot



Category: Bird Box (2018), The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Angst, Character Death, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Inspired by Bird Box (2018), Kind of Scary, Post-Apocalypse, Sharing a Bed, Slight Murven, Smut, Spoilers, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide, Trauma, don't even know what to tag, it runs along with the movie storyline, just be warned, like major triggers all over the place here, not for the light hearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-10-13 12:04:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 64,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17487719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyessharpweaponshot/pseuds/eyessharpweaponshot
Summary: Bellamy and Clarke face the end of the world but with their fears just at the other side of the door, they need to close their eyes and trust one another to make it out - together.Or the Bird Box AU no-one asked for.This fic was nominated inBFWA After Dark 2019forBest Consensual Smut Work in Progress.Made it to the Semi Finals. Thank you all so so much.





	1. Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic title is the song ‘Devil Side’ by Foxes.
> 
> This fic is inspired by the movie Bird Box (it contains spoilers, for those who have yet to watch it). It runs along side the movie story, so there's some major trigger warnings here. Suicide plays a big part of the storyline and I think it's something that hits close to home with a lot of people (including me) so if you feel like it's something you'd be triggered/offended by, maybe don't read this fic or watch the movie.
> 
> If you do choose to read it, enjoy the Bellarkey goodness.

_'Airports and train stations have shut down, streets are crowded with people escaping cities by car and on foot as witnesses report unexplained mass suicides…'_

‘Do we really have to listen to this?’ Clarke groans, pulling open the fridge for a bottle of water. ‘It’s nowhere near the States’ she tells her mother who is glued to the television, leaning against the couch in her work scrubs.

‘Yet’ is all Abby replies.

_'First recorded in Romania, there’s now an alarming spread of incidents into Europe and Siberia. Estimated death toll is in the tens of thousands.'_

This catches Clarke’s attention - shit, she didn’t think it was affecting _that_ many people. To be perfectly honest, she thought it was some neurological-virus affecting a certain city. She takes a swig of water, screwing back on the bottle cap as she stands beside her mother and watches the chaos that the news is broadcasting. People are manic in the streets of multiple countries, fires and stray cars everywhere around them. The panic on their faces is obvious, even from a quick glance.

_'Eyewitness reports tell of people exhibiting psychotic behaviour. Our sources are telling us that this does not appear to be pathological or viral.'_

‘Then what the hell could it be?’ Abby gestures at the television with her hand, as if the broadcaster could hear her. Typical doctor mode - what could it be if there’s no science behind it?

‘Shhh’ Clarke hushes her, trying to hear the rest.

_'US authorities are advising the public to remain calm. There have been no officially confirmed cases…'_

Abby switches it off, clearly having heard enough.

‘Mom’ Clarke complains.

‘They’ll catch it before it gets to the States’ she says simply, grabbing her bag from it’s hook by the door.

‘And what if it’s already here?’ Clarke asks, tucking a stray piece of short blonde hair behind her ear. No confirmed cases doesn’t mean no cases at all.

‘Then they’ll contain it. There’s protocol’s in place for this kind of stuff, Clarke’ Abby holds their front door open. ‘Now come on, I thought you wanted a ride into town on my way to work?’

Clarke just rolls her eyes, grabbing her phone from its place on the island as she follows her mother out to the car. She knows her mom - she’s worried about this, she just doesn’t want to worry Clarke too.

Tens of thousands dying? It doesn’t sound like they know how to contain it at all. Europe would have had protocol’s in place for medical emergencies like virus and disease control, but this? She doesn’t think anyone knows what this is.

Abby is quiet as she twists and turns her way into Arkadia town. Her long, brown hair is pulled back into a braid as it usually is before a shift and her lips are pursed - a sure sign Abby Griffin is mulling concerns over in her mind. Clarke picks at a thread on her jeans, not even bothered about going shopping for a dress anymore. It’s their final year ball next week and everyone in college had been stoked about it, but right now, more important issues seem to be at hand.

‘Mom?’ Clarke speaks, breaking the silence as the car engine hums in the background. ‘What are we looking at here?’

Abby turns her gaze to Clarke, her eyes soft before flicking back to the road. She opens her mouth to answer her but Clarke watches a look of alarm wash over her features in half a second. Clarke snaps her head straight, taking in the sight that her mother is looking at.

‘Shit’ Abby breathes, watching a car swerve into a pole ahead of her. Pedestrians are racing out onto the roads, running from absolutely nothing in particular. Her mother slams on the breaks and Clarke knows her first instinct is to want to help the car crash victim but when another two cars fly into one a few yards up ahead, Abby doesn’t hesitate to push her foot down on the accelerator and speed out around them.

‘Mom’ Clarke’s breath is catching in her chest, her eyes wide with panic. It’s here - whatever this thing is, this sickness that is making people kill themselves. And it’s here with a bang.

It seemed like a universe away just ten minutes ago and Clarke’s life was so painfully ordinary just this morning. Her biggest worry was finding ways to dodge Finn Collin’s consistent phone calls because apparently, no doesn’t mean no in his book. She had been stressing about turning in one of her assignments for college next week but yet excited about the prospect of doing work experience in her mom’s hospital - after all, she’s just about a doctor once her exams are passed. Who wouldn’t be excited to get hands on in their field of study?

Now, she’s watching people crash their cars and her little quaint town of Arkadia run riot.

‘Clarke, grab my cell’ Abby instructs, swerving to avoid a man who literally flung himself out in front of her car. She does as she’s told, leaning back behind her mother’s seat to scramble for the bag containing her mother’s phone. Clarke’s skin is on fire, adrenaline pumping through her veins and her brain running ninety miles an hour.

_Fuck, this is so bad._

‘Oh my god. What is that?’ Clarke hears Abby whisper just as her fingers get a grip on the handbag.

‘What?’ Clarke shouts, a product of fear and panic. ‘What is what?’ Her mother doesn’t answer but Clarke finds herself crashing into the seat as the car swerves.

‘Mom!’ She manages to correct her posture, dragging herself back properly into the front seat to look at her mother’s face.

Abby is staring straight ahead, her face glazed over with a look of extreme despondency. Her eyes are watering, like she’s welling up to cry.

‘Mom? What’s wrong?’ Clarke asks, flicking her stare between her mother and the road. She seems to be looking at absolutely nothing - nothing Clarke can see anyway. ‘What are you looking at? What did you see? Talk to me!’ None of these prompts encourage an answer but Clarke keeps looking forward, seeing nothing but the complete and utter panic of the civilians in her town. ‘Mom!’ Clarke calls her again, trying to snap her out of her stupor but all Abby responds with is a tug on the steering wheel. Their car flies to the side and Clarke, out of complete instinct, grabs the other side of the wheel and pulls to straighten them.

‘What are you doing? Oh my God’ Clarke cries. ‘What is wrong with you? Stop it!’

It’s a struggle to control the vehicle after that and to be honest, Clarke doesn’t catch up with what has happened until she’s crawling out of their crashed car. Her hands are cut from the glass under her skin and the wheels spinning in the air tells her that the car landed on its roof. There’s a ringing in her ears but slowly, her senses tune in to the destruction around her.

People still seem to be fleeing, but from what? There’s nothing chasing them or coming after them at all. Cars are piled up everywhere, crashed into one another by the sidewalk and in the middle of the road. Fires are alight all around Clarke, her whole town in complete chaos. She lifts a hand to her temple, feeling the laceration that is leaking blood from her head.

‘Mom?’ She murmurs, trying to focus properly. Where the hell is her mother? She’s gone from the wreck. Clarke’s heart is pounding, almost like it’s going to fall right out of her chest there and then. Her head spins frantically as she pulls herself up, getting a better view from her feet.

When she finally spots her, time stands still.

There’s a car on fire a few yards over from their one and her mother doesn’t even look back as she climbs into it.

‘MOM!’ Clarke screams, her heart stopping and restarting only to push her forward. People bump into her as she crosses the sea of them, seemingly running for their lives from nothing at all. There are bodies littered in random spots through the long street and she even has to step over some of them. Clarke’s legs carry her in haste across the street but before she can get to her mother, a pair of arms clench around her waist.

‘No! Mom!’ Clarke shouts, her eyes glued to the burning car that she knows holds her already dead mother inside. Logically, Clarke knows she’s gone - but her heart refuses to accept it. The arms pull Clarke away, heaving her away from the car and the road in general. It’s not safe with people still crashing all around the place.

‘I got you’ a husk voice says, strained as he tries to hold onto Clarke. She’s not making it easy for him because she’s still trying to get back to her mother. What the hell just happened?

Eventually, Clarke gives up trying to get back to the burning car and goes into what she assumes is emotional numbness. She goes through the motions, moving her feet when she needs to and stepping onto the path. The guy holding her guides Clarke towards steps to a large house, well kept and clearly owned by someone wealthy.

‘Keep your eyes down’ he tells her. ‘Don’t look.’

Clarke can barely function but she does as she’s told, watching her black Converse take the appropriate steps until they’ve reached the door of the house.

‘Get inside’ he instructs again and Clarke does that too. A guy with floppy, brown hair slams the door shut behind them.

‘Always the fucking hero, Blake.’

‘Shut up’ the husky voice says and when Clarke looks at him finally, she sees he’s no more than a couple of years older than her. His dark curls fall in around his eyes and his jacket is ripped in random places. He’s clean shaven but a shadow of a beard is there already. Freckles dance across his nose and his muscular frame straightens, brushing himself down.

‘Jesus, Bellamy!’ A girl’s voice appears behind Clarke. ‘What were you thinking?’

‘Her car crashed, Raven!’ This Bellamy shoots back at the girl with jet black hair, pulled back tight into a ponytail. ‘She’s hurt!’

‘Hundreds are hurt!’ Raven snaps, acting like Clarke isn’t even there. She knows what Raven is asking though. Why her? Why save Clarke?

‘Yeah, and now one more is saved’ Bellamy starts walking towards the kitchen. ‘Paper the rest of the windows Murphy and stop looking at me like I’m insane.’

‘You are insane’ Murphy mutters, more under his breath though as he picks up newspaper and starts sticking them to any clear glass that’s visible, shutting his eyes as he does so. It’s a messier job but he doesn’t dare look outside through the gaps.

‘What the hell is going on?’ Clarke finds her voice but it’s shaking when it comes out. Bellamy is coming back with a glass of water for her but she doesn’t accept it when he offers. ‘My mother…’ she goes about explaining but the words get caught in her throat. She brings her fingers up to pinch the bridge of her nose before the tears can spill over.

Holy shit, her mother is dead.

‘We don’t know what it is yet’ another voice speaks, belonging to a skinny boy emerging from the living room. ‘It’s fucking with people’s nervous systems.’

‘Jasper, enough. You don’t know any more than we do’ Raven silences him.

‘I heard one!’ Jasper snaps back.

‘One?’ Clarke breathes. This is a thing? Not a sickness or some kind of biological warfare?

‘It makes you kill yourself’ Jasper tells her, brushing a hand over his shaved head.

‘That’s madness’ Clarke scoffs, can barely believe what she’s hearing. ‘My mother just died and you’re trying to tell me it’s some ghost or paranormal being making people do it?’

‘My friend Monty saw it!’ Jasper yells, echoing through the entire house. ‘Snapped his own neck right in front of me! I don’t know what the hell it is - a ghost, an alien, a creature - but it’s real, and it’s out there in multiples if the news is anything to go by!’

‘My mother is not suicidal!’ Clarke shouts back, refusing to believe something has the power to sway her mind like that.

‘Don’t think you’re the only one who’s lost someone, Princess. This is happening whether you want to believe it or not’ Bellamy locks the door as he says it. It sounds a bit bitter, like he’s lost someone himself.

‘My name is Clarke’ she corrects him, not appreciating the nickname one bit.

‘Whatever!’ Raven interrupts. ‘None of this matters now. What’s happened has happened and now we need to survive’ she lands them with a hard dose of reality. ‘The only thing that matters is that we don’t know what this thing looks like and we don’t want to - so the windows stay closed and sealed, the doors stay closed and sealed and we shut eyes if anything happens, got it?’ Raven tells her, standing with her hands on her hips like she’s calling the shots. Clarke just nods, still trying to catch up with the fact that her mother is dead and this is all happening. Her whole world just turned upside down in the space of an hour.

‘Where are the kids?’ Raven asks Murphy.

‘Upstairs with Harper.’

‘Kids?’ Clarke whispers.

‘Two’ Jasper mutters as he walks past, his runners practically stomping on the hardwood floors below him. ‘Monty’s and a baby we found on our way here.’

 _Jesus_. Clarke feels her knees buckle and she barely registers Bellamy catching her.

‘Let’s get that head checked out’ Bellamy says, his voice softer now than before as he leads her towards the kitchen. She tries to protest but he ignores her. Once she’s seated on a chair, Bellamy pulls a first aid box down from a cabinet above the fridge.

_'The President has declared a state of emergency and has closed all borders. Do not, do not go outside. Avoid social media. Use radios inst…'_

He switches off the television that was humming softly in the background, sitting in front of her now as he takes out some bandages. Clarke can hear Jasper upstairs, presumably talking to this Harper girl who is with the kids. Murphy is still patching up places on the windows and Raven critiques him at every turn, her voice muffled from the distance between rooms. There’s a couple more people in the living room if Clarke remembers correctly, one of them pacing by the unlit fireplace and the other hugging a pillow on the couch.

‘Doesn’t look too bad. You might have a concussion, though’ Bellamy says, bringing Clarke back to the moment as he eyes her injury.

Shit, her mother is dead.

The thought keeps circling her brain, shouting the reminder at her every few minutes. Tears form in her eyes but she swallows them back, focusing on Bellamy’s face as he dabs her temple with a wipe. His eyes are a soft brown, a hardness in them like he’s used to detaching himself, yet the way he’s handling her is like a person who is used to looking after someone.

‘How did you find this place?’ Clarke hears herself ask, her voice lost in the luxurious size of the marble kitchen.

‘My boss owned it’ he replies, fishing in the first aid box for something to seal her wound. ‘He’s gone.’

Clarke swallows, trying hard not to break down because in this scenario, she knows what 'gone' means.

‘What the hell are these things?’

‘No-one knows. Raven out there, she’s pretty smart. Works for NASA’ Bellamy explains, not meeting Clarke’s eye properly because he’s too focused on tending to her injury. ‘She thinks whatever it is, this creature - it’s an entity that takes on a form of your worst fears or your deepest sadness, greatest loss. You know’ he mumbles, shrugging like he’s not really sure.

Clarke is silent for a minute, taking it in. The emotion bubbling in her chest is too much, mixing in with the fear and confusion of this whole thing. Bellamy’s fingers are gentle against her skin, taping a bandage to her temple before focusing his attention on her hands which are sliced from the glass after the crash.

‘We were just driving’ Clarke whispers, the words cracking at the end as she stares at the dried blood around her fingers. She doesn’t even feel the pain. Bellamy’s eyes flick up to hers, watching her with something akin to sympathy. They wince a little, tighten as she speaks.

‘She saw something. I didn’t see what it was…’ Clarke trails off, shaking her head as tears form in her eye line once more. His eyes don’t leave hers, concern for a girl he doesn’t know pouring out of his features. ‘But she got this look on her face’ she continues. ‘It’s like she got…she got so sad. And Mom does not get sad.’ A warmth comes over the top of her hand, a gentle squeeze following it.

‘She just got into that burning car’ Clarke is crying now, tears spilling onto her cheeks as her voice breaks. ‘She’s not suicidal. She would never do that. She helps people, she’s a doctor!’ Clarke practically shouts because fucking hell, it’s so unbelievable. It’s not until the words have left her mouth that she realises how wrong it sounded. ‘Was a doctor’ she corrects herself, quieter now. It’s so strange to have to refer to her mother with past tense words.

‘I’m sorry’ Bellamy whispers, ducking his head to catch Clarke’s eye. ‘I really am.’

Clarke can only nod, the tears still trailing down her face. He brushes his fingers against her cheeks, wiping the water away that has formed there. It’s an intimate move for a stranger but it’s welcomed.

‘How do we survive this?’ Clarke mumbles. ‘How do we fight something we can’t see?’

Bellamy doesn’t respond this time, maybe because he doesn’t have an answer to that. Instead, he lets his eyes drift down to where his hand is holding hers and turns it over. He gets back to examining the cuts on her skin. Clarke gives it a once over, sniffling in order to gather herself and when she speaks again, her voice is stronger.

‘It’s fine. Superficial. Doesn’t need stitches, just a good clean and removal of the glass shards.’

‘You a doctor like your mom?’ Bellamy raises his eyebrows, pulling at the wounds a little to expose tiny pieces of window glass inside.

‘I was training to be one.’

There it is again - that past tense. Nothing is the same now and it will never be the same again. Bellamy flicks the curls out of his eyes before grabbing a tweezers from the first aid box. He gets to work on picking out the glass before moving on to cleaning and wrapping her hands. He’s gentle and slow, obviously fearing that he’d hurt her.

Little does he know as Clarke just stares at the newspapered windows, the pain in her chest is the only one present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a special shoutout to [Bri](https://underbellamy.tumblr.com) (@underbellamy) who created this amazing piece of [fanart](https://underbellamy.tumblr.com/post/187819073758/bellarke-fanfiction-dedication-devil-side-ff-by) for this fic. It's an edit that I screamed about for half an hour and even now, I can't look at it without my heart swelling. She is the most talented girl - so grateful for this surprise and so grateful for her.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	2. Ideas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loving the response from this fic, so glad you guys are all enjoying it.  
> Again, just a reminder to heed the trigger warnings, please <3

‘It’s been three days’ Maya is saying. ‘We could just try it!’

‘No’ Bellamy says adamantly. It’s too much of a risk. Raven is biting her lip, leaning against the living room couch. Murphy rolls his eyes beside her, his brazen attitude all too loud in such a quiet room. He normally has more to say but considering his loss, it’s best he doesn’t. His body language is speaking volumes anyway.

‘What other options do we have? We need a supply run’ Jasper backs up his girlfriend. Harper is unusually quiet, still mourning the loss of Monty. It feels like just this morning since he was here with them - he’d know what to do. That brain of his never ceased to amaze Bellamy.

‘Yeah, we do need a supply run but whatever these things are - we can’t look at them’ Raven reminds them all. ‘And keep your voices down, the babies are asleep.’

Bellamy’s eyes automatically drift up to the ceiling, imagining the room upstairs where Monty and Harper’s son lies sleeping next to the baby they found on the mad rush through the streets. She was alone, left by someone who obviously seen the creatures and took their own life. Bellamy had taken her in his arms, her tiny face and size reminding him all too much of his little sister. His heart clenches as he thinks of Octavia - she’s two towns over and he has no way of contacting her, let alone getting to her. All he can hope for is that her survival instincts have kicked in and she’s doing exactly what the rest of them in this house are doing - hiding.

‘Look, we don’t have a lot of time here. We don’t know how long we’re gonna have electricity, so we need to use this opportunity!’ Maya explains.

‘The cameras around the house are transmitting a live feed, Maya. Live. That means it’s happening right now’ Echo adds in. ‘We have no idea how these things can operate. An image through a camera can still have power.’

Bellamy’s eyes flick to Clarke. She’s leaning on the windowsill, watching the interactions take place. She’s been quiet the last few days but Bellamy imagines that it’s due to grief.

‘It’s a digitised signal’ Maya tells Echo, gesturing with her hands as the frustrations between them all build. ‘It just shows the colour temperatures of the objects. It’s neutered information. Colours on a flat screen.’

‘Yeah, they’re not direct images. We can’t look at whatever it is with the naked eye, but maybe we can with a translator’ Jasper agrees.

‘Pixels and heat’ Raven says like she’s clarifying their explanation more than agreeing with it.

‘Exactly’ Maya nods.

‘It might not even show up on the screen’ Harper says quietly, her voice sounding odd to Bellamy’s ears after days of not hearing it.

‘Well, we’re not gonna find out until one of us takes a look’ Jasper responds. Murphy scoffs, his side of the argument clear as day on this topic.

‘I think it’s a huge mistake’ Bellamy has to agree with Murphy on this, as much as it irks him to do it. He’s trying to protect them here - they had all been at Grounders, their usual diner down town when all of this started happening. This is his family and they’ve already lost some of their own on their race down here. He practically had to pull Murphy from Emori’s body and the rest of them had to drag Harper kicking and screaming away from Monty. They had to keep going - this was the only place they’d be safe.

It had been Bellamy’s idea - his boss, Shumway, had been on the phone to him when the chaos erupted. He had been asking Bellamy to come in for a shift because his other personal bodyguard wasn’t answering. All of a sudden, he was hearing Shumway fall into this fear that seemed to be enveloping everyone before he took his own life. It took Bellamy all of two seconds to react - he had seen the news, he knew what this was. He rounded up everyone and they all raced to Shumway’s place because he knew his boss would have the supplies to keep them for a while at least.

He had been here multiple times with Shumway, protected him in this very house. It seemed like the perfect hiding spot because of it’s technology and food supply. The place wasn’t prepared for so many people though, let alone two infants. They did need a supply run.

‘Even if the camera’s do work, they don’t extend the entire way to Polis market’ Bellamy explains. ‘How do we get there?’

‘We could put a camera on the rover in the garage, the drive there would only take five minutes at least’ Raven suggests, clearly getting on board with the idea. Clarke is still quiet, defeating Bellamy’s hope’s that she’ll weigh in on this subject. Then again, she doesn’t know them. They’re all strangers to her. She’s picking at a thread on her jeans, her bandaged hands still healing under their covers.

‘Okay - say if we do all of this’ Echo stands up, her long brown hair tipping the ends of her elbows. ‘Who looks? Because if it doesn’t work, one of us is going to die.’

‘I’ll do it’ Clarke says all too quickly and Bellamy frowns, pissed right off that he’s just saved her life three days ago and now she’s volunteering it so casually.

‘No’ he hears himself snap and Clarke meets his gaze.

‘Yes. You are all friends, I’m the outsider here.’

‘There are no outsiders here’ Raven tells her firmly. ‘We’re all in this together.’

‘I’ll look. It was my idea - it should be me’ Maya counters.

‘Maya’ Jasper furrows his brow, the worry present in his voice. As much as he backs his girlfriend’s theory, putting it into practice is another story.

‘I’ll look because this will work’ she says with certainty. ‘This will work.’

 

-

 

Maya is strapped to an office chair with the monitors in front of her, the remote in one hand. Her short black hair makes her skin look paler than it is, or maybe that’s just the nerves she’s trying to hide.

‘You don’t have to do this, Maya’ Bellamy reminds her from his position by the door, watching Raven tape her wrists to the chair for her protection. The windows behind her create a dulled brightness, almost like it’s evening outside but the newspapers are covering the extent of the daylight.

‘Bellamy, it will be fine’ she smiles, trying to reassure him.

‘It’s a death wish’ Murphy mutters before stalking out of the room to join Harper downstairs with the babies.

‘I don’t like this’ Echo whispers to Bellamy, leaning against the doorframe. He meets her light brown eyes, ones that have become familiar and safe to him during their three year on-off relationship. She’s clearly no longer upset with him. After he took off to rescue Clarke, she barely met his eye when he came back inside. 'Something bad will happen, I can feel it. It’s a mistake.’ He can’t argue with her - he feels it too.

‘Ye of little faith’ Jasper says as he stands beside Maya, quoting Monty. It was something he always said.

‘I’ll stay with her’ a voice says from behind Echo and when they turn around, Clarke is there with her eyes focused on Maya. Her short blonde hair is cut below her chin, curly from the shower she had just taken this morning.

‘What is with you and sacrificing yourself?’ Bellamy snaps at this girl for the second time today and it pulls Echo’s gaze from Clarke to him, her brow furrowed at his overly concerned tone.

‘She needs someone here with her in case…’ Clarke trails off.

‘In case I try to kill myself’ Maya finishes for her and Clarke just bites her top lip. ‘If I see whatever this is through the camera and it takes over me, nothing you can do will stop it’ Maya says, smiling though because she clearly appreciates the offer.

‘Still. You shouldn’t be alone.’

‘We can’t risk you seeing something, too’ Bellamy tells Clarke. ‘One is bad enough.’ She just nods in defeat, her bright blue eyes flicking from his to the ground.

‘We’ll be right outside’ Raven tells Maya, squeezing her hand before beckoning to the others with her head, a silent instruction to give Jasper a few minutes alone with his girlfriend.

Downstairs, once Jasper joins them, there’s nothing to do but wait. Raven is pacing below the staircase, a habit Bellamy has seen her do numerous times in order to keep her mind from overflowing with worry. Jasper is sitting on the bottom step, the clean wood creaking every time he shifts. He might trust Maya and her faith in this project, but his own doubt is creeping in with every passing minute. Murphy is sitting on the living room couch, head in his hands as he uses this moment of quiet to grieve.

Emori was all he had in this world - no family, no job. Just her. Bellamy feels for him. He might be a pain in the ass half the time but he didn’t deserve this.

Watching Harper with Jordan in her arms, cradling him as she stares at his tiny features, Bellamy can’t help but be reminded of Monty once more. The little girl, orphaned and alone in this world now, sleeps on a couch cushion beside Harper. Both children are too small for their lives to end. Four or five months on this Earth isn’t enough for either of them.

Time seems to creep by slowly and all Bellamy can think about to distract himself from the thoughts of Maya upstairs is his sister.

 _God, she better be safe_.

He had tried to get his own mother on the way to Shumway’s house but her body already lay still in his old front garden - the one where he and Octavia would play and make up imaginary games about monsters. He didn’t have to make those up anymore.

Looking at Clarke now, who sits cross-legged on the floor near the front door, he’s reminded that both of them experienced an almost identical loss in the same day. At least he was spared from watching his mother kill herself.

Echo joins Bellamy once again, her body leaning against him as he stands by the living room door. He knows what she’s thinking - the end of the world, why not be with someone who made you feel alive at one point? He and Echo have been off for the last six months but even he can admit that he’s craving physical attention. It’s a strange thing, what the feeling of possible impending death will do to your emotions. He can’t go there with her again though, can’t sleep with her just because the apocalypse is apparently here. They’re too dysfunctional together for anything good to come out of them fucking again.

A bang upstairs startles the entire group and Bellamy straightens himself, his heart starting to speed up in his chest.

‘Maya?’ Jasper calls, staring up the steps to where the office lies. When silence greets them, it only stretches for a few seconds before they’re all moving. Jasper and Raven are the first up the stairs with Echo, Clarke and Bellamy charging up behind them.

‘Maya!’ Jasper bangs on the door. ‘Maya, can we come in?’

‘What’s going on?’ Murphy calls upstairs but doesn’t dare venture up here. Bellamy knows he can’t face this stuff after watching Emori throw herself in front of that truck.

‘Maya!’ Jasper calls again before reaching for the doorknob.

‘Look away, cover your eyes’ Clarke reminds them all as Jasper pushes the door open. Before Bellamy squeezes his eyes shut, he briefly captures the monitor screen on the ground, flickering from the fall. That’s his first target, barging straight over to it and sticking his heel through the screen a few times. He can hear Jasper and the others calling Maya, searching blind for her in the room but the ominous, foreboding feeling in Bellamy’s chest tells him she’s already gone. He knew from the second he caught a glimpse of the monitor on the floor.

‘I think I got it’ Bellamy shouts over the panic, hearing a hissing sound from the screen which tells him it’s definitely broken. ‘You can open your eyes’ he tells them after opening his first, taking in the scene around him. The monitor screen is black, a giant hole through the centre from Bellamy’s boot. Echo and Raven are standing either side of him and Jasper is holding onto the desk as he screams Maya’s name over and over.

‘Shit’ Clarke is whispering, on all fours beside Maya’s body. Her fingers are on her neck, checking for a pulse where Bellamy knows none exists. Maya, still strapped to the chair, is lying off to the side with blood pooling around her head. He knows what happened by a quick scan of the scene - she tipped herself over and cracked her head against the stone skirting around the room.

‘I fucking told her that this was a mistake’ Echo grits out but a look from Bellamy silences her. This is no time for ‘I told you so’s’.

‘We’ve got to move’ Raven says, pulling them back out of the room. ‘We gotta go. It's too much for Jasper.’

‘Jasper’ Clarke says with a crack in her voice, her hands splattered with Maya’s blood. ‘Let's go’ she encourages, nudging him with her elbow as she tries to make him leave with her. Jasper’s eyes are stuck to his girlfriend, his face in utter despair.

‘I’m sorry’ he’s repeating, over and over like a prayer.

‘Come on’ she pushes him gently until he’s walking with them.

‘We’re never getting out of here’ he blubbers as they leave. ‘We’re all gonna die.’

Bellamy closes the door tight behind them, promising himself to come back and deal with Maya’s body later. As they descend the stairs, listening to Jasper’s cries of grief, Bellamy’s heart only quickens as he realises they’re out of options. It was a slim chance but Bellamy hoped beyond reason that Maya would have been right.

What are they gonna do now?

 

-

 

The cup in his hands is steaming as Bellamy hands it to Clarke. She’s sitting on the kitchen couch, silent as they all have been for the past couple of hours.

‘Might as well make use of the electricity while we have it’ he tells her when she takes the tea from him. She gives him a small smile and he uses it as an invitation to sit down next to her. They stay quiet for a moment as Clarke takes a sip, curling her fingers around the mug to absorb it’s heat.

‘Still can’t believe this is happening’ she whispers.

‘I know. Me either.’ It’s been silent outside ever since the first day of chaos, proving that whatever is left of humanity is either dead or hiding. It’s even quieter in here, the only noises disturbing the silence since Maya’s death being the babies crying for a feed. As if on queue, Jordan gurgles in the next room before Harper settles him again.

‘Almost envy them that they have no idea what is going on’ Clarke says lightly about the babies, taking another sip of her tea. He nods, feeling the very same. ‘You’re a natural by the way. Got one of your own?’

Bellamy turns his head to face her, meeting those captivating eyes of hers. He knows she’s referring to his actions earlier, when he had taken the girl baby from Harper to give her a break. He fed and changed her before soothing her back asleep against his chest.

‘Kind of’ he says quietly, propping his elbow on the back of the couch as he faces her. ‘I looked after my little sister. Raised her.’ He’s not afraid to admit it - their mother had to work or they’d lose their house and their dad left during the pregnancy, so Octavia never knew him. Bellamy was all she had.

‘Is that what you meant the day I first met you?’ Clarke asks. ‘When you said I wasn’t the only one to lose someone’ she clarifies when she sees Bellamy’s confused face.

‘Oh. I’m sorry about that’ he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. ‘But no. I lost my mom that day too, to the creatures. I hope Octavia is still alive. She’s a couple of towns over, but I have no way of contacting her.’ He feels his heart constrict at the thought of Octavia and then his mother in tow. He hasn't let himself properly feel it, there's no time.

‘I’m sure your survival tactics rubbed off on her’ Clarke offers him a smile and Bellamy feels his heart flutter, both at her compliment and at her smile. She’s pretty - he can’t deny that. Even if it is a stupid thing to notice considering they all could die any day now. ‘I’m sorry about your mom’ she adds on. ‘It’s hard.’

‘Well, looks like we’ll all be joining them if we can’t figure out this supply run problem. We can’t exactly drive blind’ Bellamy says morbidly, scrubbing his face with his hand. Clarke takes another sip of her tea before pausing, her eyes stilling like an obvious thought is forming in her head. ‘What?’

‘We don’t need to look’ Clarke looks at him now, putting her cup down on the coffee table in front of her. ‘We can black out all of the windows.’

‘And what, not use Raven’s idea of a camera at all? How is driving blind safe?’

‘We’re not driving blind. We’ve got the GPS.’

Bellamy finds a smirk growing on his face. He never even thought of that. They won't have to look and they don't have to be outside at all, safely contained in the security of the rover. _Damn_ , this girl is smart.

 

-

 

The next morning, when the shock of Maya’s death has subdued, Bellamy runs the plan by the group. The morning light is shining through the windows, completely muted from the newspapers. Luckily, they still have electricity but God knows for how long.

‘That could work’ Raven smiles a little, impressed at the idea. He had been too. Meeting Clarke's eye across the room, he gives her a reassuring smile and she returns it. This could really work and it feels like the first positive thing that's happened since this whole thing started.

‘I’ll take the first run’ Bellamy volunteers after a beat.

‘Whoa’ Murphy stops him. ‘A few of us need to go. Nobody is going alone.’

‘I’ll go’ Clarke says. Bellamy inwardly groans - this girl really does have a death wish. His smile fades and she notices, but she just quirks an eyebrow at him as if it's a challenge. Why does she feel the need to volunteer for every dangerous thing? He’s about to object when Echo chimes in.

‘Me too.’

‘I don’t think anyone should go’ Jasper whispers, completely defeated and heartbroken from yesterday’s events.

‘So, what? We all wait here and starve to death?’ Harper pushes, clearly speaking more for the children than herself.

‘It’s not up for debate’ Clarke says in a voice Bellamy recognises as a leaders one - she’s used to calling the shots, which is probably a requirement in a doctors profession.

‘Then it’s settled. Bellamy, Clarke and I will take the first run’ Echo stands up. ‘Let’s get the rover ready.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	3. Day Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments on the last chapter, I love reading them and replying to you all. Giving a little nod to those of you who will appreciate this chapter title ;) Reminder to take heed of trigger warnings as usual.

_‘Calculating route’_ the GPS speaks in it’s monotoned voice.

It’s so odd to be in a car like this, with dark grey paint smeared across every single window. Echo and Bellamy sit in the front with Clarke in the backseat, taking the centre one as if fearing to be too close to the windows. They’ve locked the doors and are watching the screen of the GPS light up black with a green road marking in the centre marking their way. It will lead them directly to the doors of Polis market and hopefully, they make it within the estimated five minutes it takes to get there. Clarke doesn’t want to spend any longer out in the open than she has to.

The sound of the garage door opening makes Clarke wince. Realistically, these things can only hurt you if you look at them but that awful fear is swelling in Clarke’s chest like they could somehow open the doors and pull them out of the car or something. Not to mention, the last time she was in a car resulted in a crash because of her mother’s actions.

She stares down at her hands which are thankfully healed enough to go without thick bandages. Bellamy took care of her head laceration nicely and even though she would have probably administered a stitch or two in a hospital scenario, it’s healing well enough too.

 _‘Continue straight_ ’ the GPS instructs.

‘Ready?’ Bellamy takes a breath and blows it out. Echo and Clarke both nod and Bellamy puts the car into gear, slowly rolling out of the driveway. The light grows brighter as they emerge further into the outside world, yet no blue skies meet their vision. It’s too dangerous to even chance a peak, so the grey paint across the windows completely shields them from their beautiful world.

_‘In half a mile, turn right onto Ark Street.’_

‘Okay, we got this’ Bellamy breathes. Echo smiles at him to comfort him but Clarke knows she’s nervous too. The history is obvious between these two - nobody has said it, but Bellamy and Echo were an item at one point. Clarke is good at reading people and at least from Echo’s perspective, she’s still an interested party. She can’t blame her, Bellamy is good looking. No point in denying the obvious, even if the world ending takes priority.

Bellamy is driving slow but when the tyres bump against something and make a scraping noise, Clarke yelps.

‘It’s just the curb’ he reassures her, correcting the steering and pulling more to the left but she’s not sold. Clarke has always ran with her head’s logic on things ever since she was a child, and today, this logic is telling her that the bumps against the car tyres are bodies. Bellamy knows it too, he just doesn't want to say it out loud.

‘Fucking hell’ Clarke whispers, swallowing in an effort to keep the nausea at bay. She can’t help but jump when a beeping goes off inside the car, constant and even as the screen of the GPS lights up with a simulated drawing of a car and red lights flashing around it.

‘It’s the proximity sensor’ Echo clarifies. The sweat on Bellamy’s temple drips as he pulls the steering wheel further until the sensors go off, only confirming to Clarke that they are literally dodging bodies and stray cars on the street.

‘Speed bumps’ Bellamy mumbles, probably more to reassure himself at this point now than the girls. A crack under the tyre makes them all wince but each of them are silent, praying to God that this ride will be over soon. It’s warm outside, that much is obvious. Clarke had spent all last week complaining about the intense heatwave they’ve been having but now she’s actually jealous she’ll never be able to visit the beach again or look at the beauty that comes with summertime in Arkadia.

‘Are we off the road?’ Echo wonders when the sensors go off again.

‘No, there’s something there’ Bellamy tells her.

‘It’s probably just a truck, go around’ Echo says but stops short when Bellamy breaks. ‘What are you doing?’

Clarke can see Bellamy’s knuckles turning white from his grip on the steering wheel and the proximity sensors even beeps turn into a run in noise, the kind that notifies you when you’re reversing and are getting closer and closer to hitting something. They’re not moving, so why the hell is something coming nearer to them?

‘What is that?’ Clarke breathes as the beeps speed up and her heart along with it.

‘Is somebody else driving out there?’ Echo wonders.

‘Be quiet’ Bellamy whispers, his chest rising and falling heavily as his eyes dart around the blacked out windscreen.

‘Shit’ Echo panics, twisting in her seat to look around as if it was possible to see something. Clarke’s heart is beating violently by the time the shadow runs over the car, blocking the light momentarily as it passes. There’s a subtle sound of growling outside the car, almost in clicks. It’s barely there but now Clarke knows what Jasper meant when he said that he heard it. A feeling of dread fills her from head to toe - whatever creature they’ve been afraid of, it’s out there _right now_.

The sensors are going crazy, filling the car with a long note of noise.

‘Bellamy, breathe’ Clarke reminds him because she’s watching his form, watching the way his eyes are searching for a solution. He’s almost hyperventilating, clearly fearing that this idea is going to get them all killed. ’Calm down. Hey! Look at me’ she orders and even though the car is practically shaking now, she manages to keep her voice steady. Bellamy snaps his head back, his brown eyes meeting her blue ones over his shoulder. ‘Drive!’

Bellamy shakes himself, pushing his foot onto the accelerator and the rover springs forward.

‘Hold on’ he shouts as they fly over uneven terrain. Clarke’s fingers dig into the seat, her belt tight against her body. The tyres are practically bouncing as they drive over the bumps.

‘They are not fucking speed bumps’ Echo yells, her voice loud because of panic.

 _‘Turn left now_ ’ the GPS commands and Bellamy pulls the steering wheel hard, almost bringing the rover onto the two side wheels from the speed in which they took the turn.

'Slow down’ Echo begs as they blindly skid to the left.

 _‘You have arrived_ ’ the GPS confirms and Bellamy slams on the breaks, the car scraping against what is probably the market wall. Once the engine is off, the three of them sit there trying to catch their breaths. The rover is completely quiet with only the sound of their pants filling the small vehicle.

‘What the fuck?’ Echo is first to break the silence. ‘We’re supposed to get out now? After that?’

‘We’re here now. We need to get this done’ Clarke finds it within herself to say as she undoes her seatbelt.

‘Brave Princess’ Bellamy jeers, extracting a smirk from Clarke as he looks at her in the rearview mirror. She’ll take humour where she can find it at this point. ‘Put on your blindfolds.’

 

-

 

It took an extra ten minutes to find their way to the door, break a section of the glass to unlock it and check the windows inside. All of them are frosted over by nature so they had very little covering to do. It was harder than they thought possible to check everything blindfolded, hard to even find the path to the door.

Once inside though, when their blindfolds are removed, they all breathe out a sigh of relief. The store is untouched, full of food and drink and all the supplies they need.

‘Jackpot’ Echo smiles.

‘Stick to non-perishables, the necessities’ Bellamy instructs as they all grab a cart each, swinging into different aisles. Clarke grabs a packet of chips, munching on them as she saunters through the rows and rows of beautiful food. _God_ , she should have appreciated this crap more when everything was normal.

She was always moaning about her weight, refusing to touch a bar of chocolate or any processed stuff when she was on a health kick. She hates herself for getting so caught up in the trivial aspects of life. If she had of told her mother that she loved her more often - now that would have been more in her line.

Tossing cans of food into the cart on her way, Clarke browses the aisle opposite her simultaneously. She grabs some diapers from it, formula and anything Harper will find useful for the two little humans back home.

Home - odd what she’s calling home now.

‘Good thinking’ Bellamy comes up behind her after ten minutes of shopping, glancing to her cart contents. He smiles at her and Clarke’s heart skips of it’s own accord.

‘You too’ she comments, seeing his own cart full of walkie-talkie radios and other important equipment for survival. He has things in there that she wouldn’t of even thought of picking up. ‘You’ve thought a lot about end of the world scenarios’ she smirks.

‘Nah’ Bellamy chuckles, leaning his forearms on his cart as he walks beside her. ‘Just watched a lot of movies. Reality definitely doesn’t compare’ he jokes, but it falls flat - both of them obviously thinking back on the episode in the rover on their way here.

‘So, you and Echo, huh?’ Clarke says lightly to change the subject, reading the back of a sweetcorn can for the expiry date. Bellamy straightens himself, popping his hands back on the cart bar to push it properly. She hears him take a breath before answering.

‘Once upon a time, yeah.’

‘What happened?’

‘Ah, you know. Just weren’t good together, not suited’ he shrugs. ‘Fought a lot. The only time we could agree was in the bedroom.’

‘Too much information’ Clarke grins, silently wondering why her stomach clenched at that comment.

‘Sorry’ he smiles shyly. ‘We stayed friends, though. Don’t know how in love we were supposed to be when we could just go back to being normal afterwards’ he looks over his shoulder, probably checking to see if Echo is within earshot.

‘You’re all pretty tight, though. It would have been a shame to cause a divide in such an amazing bunch of friends.’

‘They’re great’ Bellamy nods, tossing some non-perishable food into his own cart. Clarke fiddles with the blindfold around her neck, left tied in case she suddenly needs to pull it back up.

‘What made you save me that day?’ Clarke asks the question out loud that she’s been wondering ever since she got there. Bellamy didn’t know her at all. Why would he race out of a safe house to get her, a stranger amongst the hundreds, from across the street? He’s quiet in his response for a moment and when Clarke checks his face, he’s staring into the cart like it’s the most interesting thing to ever exist.

‘I don’t know’ he admits. ‘Didn’t even have to think about it. Just seen the car flip and you climbed out of it, so I ran before Murphy could close the door. We were only after arriving ourselves.’

Clarke thinks about his answer, letting the warm feeling envelope her heart as she stares at him. His dark curls are cute and boyish around his ears and forehead, his muscular shoulders hunched as he pushes the cart. The hardness that appears in his features at first glance doesn’t translate the soft, kind soul underneath. He’s a good person - and he saved her life.

‘Thank you’ she tells him. ‘I don’t think I said it, but thank you for keeping me alive.’

The corners of his mouth tug up into a closed lip smile, nodding as he meets her eye.

‘Maybe if things had been different, we could have met in some other way.’

‘Maybe’ Clarke gives that to him.

‘Could have seen you at Starbucks on your way to a lecture’ the humour lacing his words encourages a light conversation after a heavy one.

‘Wouldn’t have pegged you for a Starbucks kind of guy and you definitely shouldn’t peg me for a Starbucks kind of girl’ she laughs.

‘You caught me. TonDC has the best coffee in town.’

‘Now you’re talking’ Clarke chuckles.

‘So, would you have said yes?’ Bellamy asks, his voice dropping a little into a lower octave as he searches the adjacent aisle for nothing in particular.

‘Yes to what?’

‘Yes to a date when I asked you out.’

It’s a line - a line Clarke would have seen right through if she didn’t know Bellamy at all. It’s cocky, one from a guy used to having women fall all over him - which she’s sure does happen given that he looks like that. Yet, the way Bellamy isn’t meeting her eye or is fidgeting with the chain hanging from the bar of the cart tells her he really does want to know - he's just trying to play it off as a joke. Clarke’s heart flutters like the butterflies in her stomach have taken flight into her chest.

‘Maybe’ she plays the game, flirting back. It’s odd timing to be doing this considering she’s barely had time to grieve for her mother or catch up with the horrific events that have unfolded the last few days. Except maybe that’s exactly why she should be doing this - they might not get a tomorrow.

‘You would definitely have said yes’ he scoffs, smirking as he glances back at her. Clarke laughs, tucking her hair behind her ear in shyness.

‘Depends on where you’d take me on a date.’

‘Depends on what you like’ he smiles. Clarke thinks on it for a second - she’s never really been much of a girl for dating, too focused on medicine and school.

‘I like dancing’ she decides, a little disappointed that they’ll never be able to go on a date because their lives are about survival now. Still, it’s nice to imagine that in another life, she could have met him in TonDC and he would have asked her out - taken her dancing.

‘I like dancing too’ he grins. ‘And I’m good at it - you might have needed to take some notes to keep up with me.’

She’s giggles, about to give a smart response back but something catches her eye. Movement.

‘Hey, look!’ She gasps, running with her cart to the end of the aisle where three tiny birds flutter around inside a small, round cage.

‘Lucky things’ Bellamy says as he comes up behind her, commenting on their survival.

‘Guys!’ A shout erupts from the far end of Polis market. ‘Get over here, now!’

Echo.

Clarke grabs the birds, depositing the cage into her cart before spinning around after Bellamy and racing through the aisles until they reach Echo. She’s standing in front of what looks like a heavy freezer door with her cart.

‘What?’ Bellamy pants but Echo just brings her finger up to her lips, signalling them to be quiet. After a moment, they hear it. Gentle banging, like someone is knocking on the other side of the door.

‘Somebody let me in’ a voice says, muffled through the thickness of the door.

‘What’s behind there?’ Clarke asks, her eyes wide in panic.

‘A loading dock, I think’ Bellamy answers. ‘Hello?’ He calls out to the voice.

‘ _Please_! Let me in.’

‘Cover your eyes’ Bellamy instructs the girls, taking a step forward.

 _‘What?_ ’ Echo grabs his arm.

‘I’m gonna open the door.’

‘Are you insane?’

‘There’s a person out there!’ Bellamy points his finger towards the voice. ‘I have to open it.’

‘Please’ the voice cries. ‘My name is Dax.’

‘How did you get out there, man?’ Bellamy asks, his ear pressed up against the door. Clarke’s nerves are on fire and her heart is thumping. She doesn’t like this. The birds in her cart are beginning to flutter more wildly, the sound of their wings nearly beating off the bars of the cage.

‘Bellamy’ Clarke tries but he ignores her, too caught up in this situation.

‘They tricked me!’ Dax replies to Bellamy’s question.

‘Who’s they?’ Echo asks, tone serious and straight to the point. ‘Who are you talking about?’

‘They tricked me’ he repeats, crying through the door. The birds start to flutter even more, chirping loudly and panicked.

‘There’s something wrong. You guys, there’s something wrong!’ Clarke says, putting her hand on the cage of the previously quiet birds.

‘Please let me in. I’m trapped’ Dax tries again and this time, Bellamy pulls the handle down on the door.

‘What are you doing?’ Clarke yells, squeezing her eyes shut as she leaps towards the door to hold it. It was instinct on Clarke’s behalf, almost like she knew what would happen - and she was right. Dax is already slamming his body against the door, pushing it open as much as he can.

‘Look at it! It wants you to see it!’ Dax shouts, his arm already through the gap in the door.

‘ _Fuck_!’ Bellamy swears, struggling to close the door now against Dax’s weight. He’s realised it was a mistake but it’s too late now. The birds are going insane, chirping so loudly that it’s almost deafening.

‘Let me in so I can show you!’

‘He’s too strong, we can’t hold him’ Clarke shrieks, pushing her hands against the door as the waves of strength come against the other side. Even with Echo helping to push, all three of their efforts wouldn’t withstand his force. Now that they’re behind the door, they can look but if Dax manages to get in - well, Clarke’s not sure closing their eyes again will be a long term solution.

‘Echo’ Clarke flicks her hair out of her eyes with a snap of her head, about to ask for her help anyway because why the hell is she just standing there? But at one glance, Clarke knows why. She’s preparing herself. ‘Echo, no!’

‘Echo, wait!’ Bellamy adds, panic bursting out of his voice as he watches Echo take a running jump. Her slim body flies through the tiny gap in the door, taking Dax with her before the door slams shut behind her from Bellamy and Clarke’s force. Silence enshrouds them as they try to catch up with what just happened. ‘Echo!’ Bellamy screams.

‘Look, isn’t it beautiful?’ They hear Dax say.

‘Echo?’ Clarke calls her. ‘Echo?’

When blood spills in underneath the door, Bellamy’s hand flies up to his mouth and he backs away. Clarke’s stomach heaves as she backs up as well.

_Fuck!_

Silence ensues again, both of them left trembling as the gravity of what has just occurred falls over them.

‘Oh my God’ Clarke whispers, tears starting to flow down her face. Her heartbeat is thudding in her ears and the volume of it makes her feel light headed. The quiet is almost unbearable until Dax’s voice comes through the door again, like a complete reset - like nothing has happened.

‘Somebody let me in. Please let me in’ he cries, calm once more like he hadn’t just been shouting and aggressively bulldozing his way through the door a few seconds ago. Bellamy is staring at the door, eyes glazed over in what Clarke can only assume is shock. The birds have quietened in the cage, the threat of danger gone.

‘We gotta go’ Clarke finds her voice, even though it’s shaking. ‘We gotta move. Come on’ she shoves Bellamy with one hand as she runs to her cart. ‘Let’s get out of here.’

Bellamy reluctantly goes, taking his cart with him as he pulls his eyes away from the door.

‘Please. Please let me in’ Dax keeps crying, banging lightly on the door. It fades out the further they run from him.

‘How is he still alive?’ Clarke speaks the question that is probably on both their minds right now but Bellamy doesn’t answer her. They keep going until they reach the registers, pulling plastic bags and filling them with their supplies. With one hand full of bags, she uses the other to pull her blindfold back up before grabbing the bird cage. They’re quiet when Clarke steps outside, which she takes as a good sign. All the same, she wastes no time in darting to the rover, feeling her way in great haste.

Bellamy is hot on her tail, his own blindfold over his eyes and his hands full of bags as he opens the rover door.

They clamber inside - minus one member of the group this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	4. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take caution with the warnings - just so afraid of people being triggered by this fic so I'm constantly putting this reminder at the start of every chapter. Hope you guys enjoy it, some tense stuff on the way!

Bellamy doesn’t even remember the drive back. All he knows was that it was silent and uneventful. Clarke had been just as quiet as he was - maybe she was just afraid to talk because of the look of thunder on his face. It’s hard to believe they were in a good mood prior to Dax’s appearance - Bellamy had been openly flirting with Clarke and enjoying it. No point letting the end of the world get you down, especially when you happen to be trying to survive with a pretty amazing girl.

Guess reality had to remind him what was at stake here, his punishment for being carefree.

Once they’ve pulled into the garage and the door closes behind him, Bellamy wastes no time in getting out of the rover.

‘Hey, you guys made it’ Raven exclaims with a smile as she comes through the connecting door to the house. Murphy and Jasper are behind her, following in tow. ‘Where’s Echo?’ Raven’s smile fades as she watches Clarke and only Clarke emerge from the rover. Bellamy just slams his door shut and wedges past them. It’s selfish of him to leave the burden to her but Clarke can tell his friends why Echo isn’t coming home - tell them that because of him, they’ve lost another friend.

He strides through the house and into the kitchen, vaguely registering Harper’s call to him as he passes the living room. The babies are happily babbling, unaware of another massive loss the house has taken. Echo and he may not have been in love anymore - or maybe at all, but there was still history there. History that he didn’t have with the others. Above all that, she was his friend. A member of his family. Just like Maya and Monty and Emori - just like his mom. All lost to the creatures now.

He is so _fucking_ angry with himself.

Grabbing a whiskey glass, Bellamy starts pouring from Shumway’s private stash - the expensive kind that he never used, even on special occasions. No point in keeping it now.

‘Birds?’ He hears the others in the hallway now, Jasper’s glum voice asking a question. Raven is sniffling, clearly crying after hearing the news.

‘Yeah. They, uh…they seem to sense when the creatures are around’ Clarke answers and a little chirp of a bird comes right after, almost on queue. There’s silence after that as Bellamy takes a swig of whiskey, relishing in the burning in his throat after it. He hears the others footsteps retreating into the living room and they fall into quiet discussion - probably about Echo. Here they are again, grieving for another one of their friends.

It surprises him when he hears a set of footsteps left in the hallway, growing closer to the kitchen. He looks up from his position at the island only to see Clarke come around the doorframe. Bellamy’s elbows are locked as his palms press into the marble, watching her under his brows as she pops the bird cage onto the dining table.

‘Guess I better feed them’ she says, her voice harsh against the silence that has lay with Bellamy since Polis market. Clarke grabs some pumpkin seeds from Shumway’s cabinet and the birds chirp happily as she fills up their food container in the cage. Bellamy takes another mouthful of his whiskey only to finish the glass and he quickly proceeds to pour himself another. He doesn’t miss the way Clarke side eye’s him, trying to pretend that she’s not in here because she’s worried about his mental state right now.

‘We’ll bring the supplies in from the rover later on’ she tells him, probably to just have something to say. Bellamy still doesn’t respond but delights in taking another drink from his glass. When she’s out of things to do, Clarke simply leans against the table and folds her arms, watching him with a sympathetic look on her face. Bellamy flicks his eyes back down, focusing on the way the amber liquid inside his glass swirls when he moves it.

‘Bellamy’ she says softly and to be honest, her voice is almost enough to break him. He sniffles in an attempt to block the tears trying to come to his eyes and it works for now, hardening his expression further. He hears Clarke push herself up from the table, her soft footsteps approaching him. Reaching up on her tiptoes, she grabs a glass from the shelf behind him before pouring herself a drink.

He wouldn’t have pegged her for the whiskey type. She takes a sip in time with him and bites her bottom lip as the strong liquor travels down her throat. Bellamy glances at her every few seconds, waiting for her next move.

‘It wasn’t your fault’ she says after a long bout of silence.

‘It _was_ ’ he snaps back instantly, his tone too bitter for his own tongue. Clarke, to her credit, doesn’t withdraw.

‘You didn’t want that to happen and you couldn’t have predicted that Echo would do that. You were just trying to save someone who might have been in trouble.’

‘I should have known better’ he takes another mouthful of whiskey, feeling the anger swell and rise in his chest after each word. ‘I keep taking stupid risks that could get people killed - that have gotten people killed.’

‘Bellamy’ Clarke tries to put her hand on his but he pulls it back like she’s burned him - he doesn’t deserve the comfort. His guilt won’t let him accept it. ‘Bellamy’ she says again, withdrawing her hand. ‘You have kept these people alive. You got them here, you saved that baby, you…’

'I killed Echo!’ Bellamy shouts and Clarke jumps. In fact, he’s sure the walls of the house quivered, not accustomed to that volume of noise. There had been a small hum of chatter from the living room but even that has fallen quiet now. One of them must have told her how he was responsible in getting them all to Shumway’s, but he didn’t do his job right - he couldn’t save them all.

‘I wasn’t quick enough to get Emori or Monty here safely, I should have stopped Maya from looking at the cameras when I knew it wasn’t a good idea and now Echo is dead because I tried to help that guy!’ Bellamy rants, certain that the alcohol is starting to fuzz the rational side of him even further. ‘These people are my family!’ He yells. ‘They come first and I haven’t been prioritising them. It’s just been mistake after mistake since this whole fucking thing started! I stopped to save a baby that I have absolutely no connection to, I tried to let a lunatic in from a loading bay door and I ran out onto the street to save a complete stranger!’

The words are out of Bellamy’s mouth before he even realises what he's said and the silence that drapes over the entire house after it is so heavy that it’s almost deafening. Clarke’s blue eyes snap up to his, framed by the longest eyelashes he’s ever seen and the look on her face holds a power he didn’t even know she had - one to break his heart.

‘Clarke’ he says softly, closing his eyes as guilt envelopes him further. He doesn’t get time to expand on anything though because storms out of the kitchen as quick as anything, leaving her barely touched whiskey behind her. He listens to her footsteps stomp up the stairs and a bedroom door slams shut a few seconds later.

Combing a hand through his curls, he groans with frustration. He tosses his own glass across the kitchen, feeling relieved somehow when it smashes off the tiled floor and whiskey drips out everywhere. He didn’t mean that - he’s not even sure why he said it because when Bellamy saved Clarke, it didn’t cost any lives. It could have potentially cost his own but he would have been okay with that.

Now he has Clarke thinking it was a mistake to save her life when in fact, it was the best decision he’s made all week.

 _Fuck_. What the hell is wrong with him?

 

-

 

Last night was more than awkward. Clarke had barely even looked at Bellamy when she came down from the bedroom and he had let her be, knowing she’s fully entitled to be upset with him. The others pretended like they didn’t overhear it but it was obvious that they did by their exchange of uncomfortable glances between one another.

This morning brings with it a fresh dose of pain for Bellamy. Losing Echo has really set in and it seems that pain enjoys company. He had thought of his mother a lot last night, let his guilt overcome him about Monty, Maya and Emori. It just seems to be hitting him all at once but really, it was just a matter of time before he was forced to deal with his grief.

He’s drying his t-shirt in the laundry room, mulling future danger scenarios out in his head along with past memories of regret when Clarke walks in on him. He’s sitting on the dryer, topless, as he waits for the spin to finish. He flicks his dark, messy curls out of his eyes and doesn’t miss the way she gives him a quick once over, her eyes momentarily resting on his abs before flittering back to her own pile of laundry in her arms.

Bellamy is used to women checking him out - back before these things infested their world, he was a regular at the gym and it’s more honest of him than arrogant to admit that he has a good body. The outline of his abs are definitely there and he has rounded arm muscles that he worked hard for. Before, he would have been chuffed for Clarke to be checking him out. Now though, he just wishes that her checking him out wasn’t accompanied with that hurt look on her face.

‘I’ll come back’ she mutters.

‘No, it’s fine. I’m not using the washer anyway’ he hops down and has every intention of leaving her alone in there. He wants to apologise but he just can’t seem to find the right words, can’t find the time in between his grieving right now. Raven had tried to comfort him this morning as well as Murphy, but he found no solace in either of them. In fact, the only time he doesn’t have that gaping hole in his chest that’s threatening to swallow him hole is when he’s around Clarke. She seems to erase the pain, even for a short time - even if she isn’t speaking to him. It seems crazy when he barely knows the girl - but the connection is there. And now he’s just fucked it up.

She drops her laundry on top of the washer and Bellamy goes about sliding out by her, trying his best to hide his hand which he cut from trying to clean up his anger outburst last night but she catches sight of it anyway. He’s just at the door when she grabs his hand, stopping him in his tracks as she lifts it up to view it. Her touch sets his nerves on fire and makes the knots in his stomach double. Cradling his hand with her other one, she lets her eyes roam over the large incision between his thumb and pointer finger. It had bled a lot when the shard of glass sliced it but he figured it was just due to his blood being thin from the alcohol.

‘What did you do?’

‘Broke a glass last night. Cut it during the clean up’ he says, watching Clarke as she flicks her eyes over his hand in pure doctor mode. He doesn’t tell her that he smashed the glass out of pure anger and disgust at himself for hurting her.

‘Could have done with a stitch’ she mumbles, pulling at the wound a little which makes him hiss. She stops at that reaction and just continues studying it.

‘It’s alright’ he tells her. He can’t pull his gaze away from her face, even when she meets his eye. ‘Clarke’ he tries, needing to say something but she lets his hand fall, stepping away to use the washer.

‘If you’re going to apologise for yesterday, don’t’ she tells him matter-of-factly. ‘You’re right. I’m not part of your family so you don’t owe me anything.’

‘I didn’t say that’ Bellamy tells her as she deposits a sweater and some socks into the washer. He had said ‘these people are my family’ and ‘they come first’ but he hadn’t meant to exclude her - he just meant in terms of people like Dax. He shouldn’t have tried to help a stranger at Polis market, he should have been thinking of Echo and Clarke’s safety first.

His mother had always taught him to be kind to others and help them - she raised him to be good. He has a responsibility to be a protector first, though. That doesn’t always equate to good actions.

He hadn’t been good when he bet the crap out of some guy who wouldn’t leave Octavia alone in school. He hadn’t been good when he was Shumway’s bodyguard and protected him by whatever means necessary. He hadn’t been good when he threatened to kill his dad if he ever came back to bother his mom again - even though he was barely old enough to hold his own.

After yesterday, he’s decided that he’d rather not be good if it means protecting people. He’d live with that because apparently it’s impossible to do both. There are no good guys, just different types of monsters. Maybe if he had of been more focused on being protective than good yesterday, Echo would still be alive.

‘We’re okay, there’s no reason for me to be upset anyway’ Clarke shrugs, giving him a quick but false smile before she leaves the room.

Somehow - he doesn’t buy that one bit.

 

-

 

‘You’re great with her’ Harper smiles at Clarke who is sitting next to her on the couch.

Bellamy is leaning against the windowsill with Raven, watching her fiddle with one of the radio’s he picked up at Polis market. He can’t help letting his eyes constantly drift over to the blonde who is holding the tiny girl baby who they’ve named Madi.

‘I don’t have much experience with kids. Not sure I’d be any good at being a mom’ Clarke smiles for the first time in what seems like days. ‘You make it look so easy.’

‘It can be hard’ Harper nods, cradling little Jordan in her arms. The unspoken sentence rests in the air after that - hard without Monty. Bellamy bites his inner lip, trying hard not to let the crushing guilt return. He had kept it at bay for the last couple of days, trying not to think about the fact that it’s been a week since they lost Echo and longer since they lost the others.

It was his fault - but he’d just have to live with that now. There’s no going back.

‘They’re both so good’ Clarke nods at Jordan. ‘He’s lucky to have you as a mom.’

‘I think I’m too soft. I needed Monty for that balance’ Harper admits. ‘My parents always looked after me and then I met Monty…’ she trails off and Bellamy closes his eyes. He tries to focus on the cracks of the signal on Raven’s radio instead of the cracks in Harper’s voice. ‘I got soft from all the love’ Harper gives Clarke a small smile.

‘Well, I was raised by wolves so consider yourself lucky’ Clarke smiles back, adjusting Madi a little in her arms. She looks so good with her.

‘Wolves?’ Harper chuckles and Bellamy is impressed that Clarke can pull her from the sadness.

‘Yeah - my mom was a doctor so she worked long hours, didn’t have any brothers or sisters so that just left me and my dad before he died’ Clarke keeps her eyes on Madi, the baby’s dark hair barely visible to Bellamy over the couch. He didn't know her dad wasn't in the picture but he should have, she hadn't talked about anyone else or worried about other people when her mom died - she was her only family.

‘My dad - he was great. But one day, I came home from school crying because this boy in my class took my lunch money. You’d think he’d be like most fathers, overly protective of his little girl - and he was, but he told me I’d never learn how to stand on my own two feet if he constantly fought my battles for me.’

Bellamy subtly smirks at the ground, admiring her father for that. He wishes he would have taken that approach with Octavia a little more often.

‘So, he taught me how to make a fist with my hand and told me if that boy ever tried to take my lunch money again, to raise it and hit him as hard as I could into his face.’

‘That’s one way to parent’ Harper giggles. ‘And did you?’

‘Yep. He tried it again the next day, I punched him and I got sent to the principal’s office for ‘violent misconduct’’ Clarke rolls her eyes. ‘That boy never tried to take my money again, though’ she shrugs and it only draws more laughter out of Harper. ‘So yeah - wolves’ Clarke smiles, looking back down at Madi who is cooing.

Bellamy’s smile reaches his eyes now even though his lips are closed. When he looks up, Raven is already watching him with a quirked eyebrow and a smirk from her place beside him. He quickly schools his expression back into place, coughing a little in order to regain decorum.

‘If something happens to me, I want you to take care of Jordan’ Harper says after a bout of silence and this makes Bellamy’s eyes snap over to the two girls on the couch. Clarke’s face is just as shocked as his one. ‘And Madi too.’

‘Nothing is going to happen to you’ Clarke reassures her.

‘Please, Clarke? Monty would have wanted it’ Harper glances over to Bellamy like she's asking him too and his throat constricts. 'Take care of our boy.'

‘Harper.’

‘Please? Promise me.’

The silence stretches between the two of them as Clarke takes in the weight of what’s been asked of her - of them. She glances at Bellamy too, maybe for strength. Bellamy’s heart feels like it could drop into his stomach. Harper barely knows Clarke, yet she’s just confirming what he’s been feeling all along - she’s apart of this family since the second she stepped through that door on day one. They trust her.

‘Okay’ Clarke whispers. ‘Of course. I promise.’

Harper smiles, happy with that. She looks across at Bellamy who nods quietly - she didn't even have to ask that question, he'd look after Jordan and Madi like he'd been born to do it. Harper nods back, looking back down at Jordan as she takes a deep breath. Clarke glances across and meets Bellamy’s eye, too quick for him to look away from and pretend he wasn’t actively looking at her.

He knows the look on her face in an instant.

She’s doubting herself but _fuck,_ if she knew what faith Bellamy had in her - she’d never doubt herself again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	5. Someone You Loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @pawprinterfanfic who pre-read a section of this chapter for me and calmed me down during my freak outs. I'd be lost without her.  
> The song in this chapter is 'Someone You Loved' by Lewis Capaldi which I highly recommend listening to in order to get the full 'melting vibe' while reading the scene.  
> Enjoy and once again, please heed warnings.

Days seem to pass by in blurs.

Cabin fever is starting to set in already and Clarke is worried about what will happen the electricity goes. It’s an inevitable process but she dreads it all the same. The house is big enough for everyone to have their own space when they need it, so at least that’s a plus.

After her and Harper’s conversation the other night, Clarke finds herself bonding more with the babies. They are so tiny and innocent, eyes bright and hopeful each and every day. She’s taken to helping Harper with them a little each day - not wanting to take over but instead just being there in case she needs a break or some time to sleep. It must have been hard enough to manage and prepare for one baby, let alone be landed with another one a few months later.

Raven tinkers with the radios every day, trying everything she can possibly think of to get a signal or interact with someone that isn’t in this house. Bellamy works out when he can - doing more push-ups than Clarke can count along with a lot of pull-ups on one of the door frames. It’s not that Clarke is purposefully looking but there’s not a lot else to look at considering that they can’t turn on the television in case of the worst.

And okay, he is easy on the eye.

They haven’t spoken much since their altercation in the kitchen when Echo died and Clarke thinks she’s doing a pretty good job at hiding how much his statement hurt her. She does catch his eye quite often though - maybe he’s thinking about her as much as she is of him.

Murphy is still grieving for his girlfriend and spends a lot of time sauntering around the house, making sure the newspapers haven’t somehow come down off each and every window. Clarke hasn’t had much contact with him, unsure of how to even start a conversation with someone so closed off.

Jasper is dealing with his grief in other ways - drinking to be specific. Given his skinny frame, it doesn’t take a lot for him to get drunk. He has gone through most of Shumway’s alcohol collection and each time he’s wasted, his attitude and behaviour just seems to get worse.

Last night, he had gotten into it with Murphy in the living room over something stupid and when Clarke tried to break them up, Jasper pushed her so hard that she tripped over herself and landed on her back. Before she knew what was happening, Bellamy was up in Jasper’s face with his t-shirt caught between his two fists. His expression was murderous, muscles tight against his t-shirt as he tensed. He seemed to appear out of nowhere but wherever he had come from, he apparently had just seen Clarke hit the floor by Jasper’s hand.

She didn’t blame Jasper - he was hurting and drunk and probably didn’t have a clue what he was doing. Raven was already in the process of helping Clarke up when Bellamy spoke.

‘You better take a walk. Out of my fucking sight before I do something that I regret’ Bellamy gritted out. Jasper brought his hands up, pulling his t-shirt free from Bellamy’s fists in an aggressive manner. It showed how drunk he was, considering he had no respect for even Bellamy in that moment - someone who he seemed to look up to.

'You got it, boss. Won’t harm your Princess again, Sir’ he said smartly, mock saluting him like Bellamy was somehow in charge. At the end of the salute though, Jasper jerked his arm out and pushed Bellamy’s face with his hand. It was sloppy and Clarke doubted it hurt Bellamy, yet it was poor taste all the same. Bellamy turned his head from the push, setting his jaw and biting his bottom lip as if to contain his anger.

Even though the comment was mean and sarcastic, Clarke couldn’t help the way her brow furrowed or the way her heart flipped when Jasper said ‘your Princess.’ Did they all think something was going on between the two of them?

Murphy just stood behind Bellamy, staring at Jasper venomously as he exited the room.

‘He won’t have to worry about the creatures because if he keeps that behaviour up, I’m going to kill him myself.’

‘Enough’ Bellamy scolded him, his temper clearly simmering below the surface after all of that.

‘No - we’re all fucking grieving and we’re all in this fucking mess of a situation together. Why does he get to behave like an ass? Like his pain is somehow worse?’ Murphy snapped back and really, no-one could argue with that. He stormed off to cool down while Raven just stood by Clarke, still holding onto her arm as if she’d somehow fall again.

'You alright?’ Bellamy turned to face Clarke, eyes and voice softer as he studied her form like she might be injured.

‘Fine’ Clarke replied. It had just been a push, nothing serious. Bellamy just nodded before walking out after Murphy, leaving Clarke with an empty feeling in her chest and not knowing why.

They hid the booze after that and Jasper has spent all day today drying out. It’s just gone midnight and the house is almost lonely without everyone walking around. Harper just got the babies to sleep upstairs and Raven has fallen asleep on the couch in the living room. Murphy and Jasper are sleeping in separate bedrooms upstairs and Clarke finds herself sitting on one of the kitchen couches with a glass of whiskey in her hand, listening to Shumway’s iPod that is plugged into the kitchen speaker.

Music fills the quiet but if anything, people are sleeping better to it - silence just gives room for everyone’s thoughts to circle their heads. Clarke’s legs are curled up beside her, the whiskey glass balancing on her knee as she holds it in place with her fingers. Her other hand is pushed against her forehead with her elbow leaning on the arm of the couch. The three birds chirp from their cage on the island, oblivious to the tension that lives in the house with them.

The music washes over Clarke, doing it’s best to de-stress her and distract her from the monstrous creatures that live outside. They’ve robbed them of everything - their loved ones, their beautiful planet that they’ll never be able to look at again and most of all, the rest of their lives.

When Bellamy rounds the corner of the doorframe, he misses Clarke completely until he gets to the island and spots her in his peripheral vision.

‘Oh, hey’ he says softly, the music not loud enough to drown his voice out.

‘Hey’ Clarke gives him a tight lipped smile before flicking her eyes back down to her whiskey. ‘Having a glass before Jasper finds out where we hid it and drinks the rest of it’ she jokes, although it’s probably true. Bellamy huffs out a humorous breath through his nose, grabbing a glass himself and pouring the brown liquid into it from the bottle on the island.

‘Good idea.’

Instead of sitting beside her like he once did - back when they discussed their plan to make it to Polis market by GPS - Bellamy sits on the floor. He rests his back against the couch opposite Clarke, shifting the coffee table in the middle a little to make room. His dark locks are starting to get longer, curling around his ears and forehead. It suits him though, like everything else. He bends his legs, resting his forearms out straight on his knees as he holds his glass with both hands. He’s still clean shaven, making the most out of the razors in the bathroom upstairs. The music fills the silence for a while before he speaks.

‘You doing alright?’ He asks but he doesn’t meet her eye. He just keeps staring at the alcohol in his glass.

‘Yeah’ Clarke replies, trying to shake the effect that his voice has on her. ‘You?’

‘Yeah. Think we’ll need another supply run soon, though. Maybe in another few days.’

He’s thinking of their last conversation here as much as she is. Clarke watches the way he brings the glass up to his lips, taking a mouthful of the whiskey. She finds herself surprisingly jealous of a fucking glass in that moment but blows out a breath in an effort to calm herself - she’s nothing to him but a mistake, he made that perfectly clear.

‘Raven and Murphy want to take this one’ she tells him.

‘Think they just want out of this house to be honest.’

‘Like us all’ she mumbles and this makes Bellamy look up. Every time he looks at her like that, it makes Clarke’s heart skip beats in her chest. His eyes are the shade of a grizzly bear and they’re just as fierce as one. Brown eyes are common but not ones like his - almost bright enough to shine through darkness. Goosebumps fly across Clarke’s skin every time those eyes meet her blue ones - _every goddamn time_.

Almost on queue, the song changes on the iPod to a slower one. It takes Bellamy five complete seconds of holding Clarke’s gaze before he sets his whiskey glass down and pulls himself up to stand. Outstretching his hand to her, she realises he wants her to dance.

‘Really?’ She smirks, quirking an eyebrow like he might be joking. When his expression stays serious though, Clarke puts her own drink down and takes his fingers, letting him help her up from the couch. His touch electrifies her and she begins to wonder when this man started having such an affect on her. In the open space of the kitchen, she lets the cold tiles ground her as Bellamy pulls her body close to his. His mouth is just beside her ear and one of his hands rests on her lower back while the other holds her one up as they dance.

They move slowly and Clarke lets herself focus on the newspapered windows, the birds on the island, the hallway door and the couches with their glasses on the coffee table in between them every time she completes a circle - anything to distract herself from the way her heart pounds.

‘ _I need somebody to heal, somebody to know, somebody to have, somebody to hold_ ’ the man sings through the iPod, making shivers shoot up Clarke’s spine. Bellamy sighs out a shaky breath against her ear and she wonders if she’s having the same effect on him. His smell envelopes her, being too familiar and safe for something she hadn’t realised she had been taking solace in.

_‘It’s easy to say but it’s never the same. I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain.’_

Bellamy squeezes her hand after these lyrics, like he’s trying to tell her that he’s applying it to her. Maybe she does numb his pain - the same way he numbs hers.

‘ _Now the day bleeds into nightfall. And you’re not here to get me through it all._ ’

Clarke clenches her jaw, willing the tears to stay at bay. The way the singer belts out the chorus is emotional enough, let alone the way Clarke let’s the lyrics apply to her and Bellamy’s situation. She’s been avoiding him and he’s been letting her - so neither of them have been there for each other. Hindsight lets her know how much Bellamy had helped her that first day when she spoke about her mother’s death, even though she didn’t think it helped at the time. He’s the only one that makes her feel safe and comforted about this turn their lives have suddenly taken and she’s not stupid - she knows she’s helped him too.

Guilt bursts open in her heart because she left him alone, choosing to nurse her hurt feelings over his abrasive comments instead of being there for him when his friend died.

_‘I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug, I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.’_

_Shit._

Bellamy let’s the side of his head rest on top of her one which only leaves Clarke struggling to control herself. _Jesus_ , she wants to kiss him - to pour every apology as well as all of her regret and pain into it.

‘ _I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to turn to_ ’ the song continues and Bellamy pulls back a little, just enough to drag his forehead over to meet her own. When Clarke opens her eyes, his ones are staring right back at her. Her heart is practically leaving imprints against her rib cage at this point and her skin is on fire. The lyrics hum through her ears until another one that applies to them strikes her.

_‘I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape.’_

‘Clarke’ Bellamy’s husky voice comes after that, the hand that was once holding her one now suddenly caressing the skin by her neck slowly. She swallows, waiting for him to say more. His eyes are closed now, his forehead still against hers as they share such an intimate moment. It suddenly occurs to Clarke what this is.

_‘Depends on where you’d take me on a date.’_

_‘Depends on what you like.’_

_‘I like dancing.’_

Clarke thinks her heart might fall right out of her chest at this point. He’s creating a date for them, remembering that she likes dancing - an alternative to never being able to leave this house to go on a proper date.

‘Bellamy’ she whispers, letting her eyes fall shut too.

‘ _I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes_ ’ the man sings and Clarke has to force herself not to laugh out of irony - closing their eyes is how they survive now, apparently. ‘ _I fall into your arms. I’ll be safe in your sound ‘till I come back around_.’

Bellamy’s fingers are on her jaw now, slowly tracing upwards to her cheek. He’s being so soft with her, so delicate.

‘What I said before’ he starts and she looks at him. His eyes are so intense that he might as well be staring straight into her soul. ‘Saving you was not a mistake’ he breathes. ‘I’m glad I did it, and I’d do it again - no matter what the cost.’ His thumb draws circles against her cheek and her eyes flutter closed, her chest nearly caving in at the relief from his words.

She leans in slightly like he’s magnetising her towards him but they’re so close already that her lips are centimetres away from his. He must lean in too because their breaths are mingling - she’s so close to kissing him, a burning feeling curls low in her stomach and flutters race across her chest. So close.

‘That couch is so not made for sleeping on’ Raven’s voice appears just before she does and it makes Bellamy and Clarke snap away from each other, eyes fixed on the black haired girl who looks like she’s already seen what they were about to do. ‘Oooh, sorry’ she smirks, not really looking like she’s feeling too bad at all. In fact, she looks like she expected it - bet on it and is now feeling smug like she’s won money or something.

Clarke’s eyes are darting as she rubs the back of her neck, the nerves in her stomach making her jittery about what just happened. She glances at Bellamy who looks just as thrown, standing awkwardly a few feet from her now like he’d been flung back by an electric shock.

‘Don’t let me interrupt’ Raven holds her hands up, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. Clarke’s breathing is erratic and she has to reign herself in to calm it - _fuck_ , she was just about to kiss Bellamy. ‘As you were’ Raven speaks again, smiling as she leaves the kitchen.

It only occurs to Clarke then that neither her nor Bellamy have uttered a word to the girl since she came in, only making their surprise of being caught in the act more obvious. Once she’s gone, Bellamy shuffles on his feet. The moment is well gone and the song with it, a more lively one playing in it’s place.

‘I should get to bed’ Clarke hears herself saying and Bellamy just nods in agreement. There’s nothing wrong with what they were about to do - they’re both adults in their early to mid-twenties, they’re both single and they’re together in horrible circumstances, helping one another grieve and survive. It should be natural that they’re taking comfort in one another.

Yet the intensity of the could-have-been kiss hangs in the air and it’s too much for Clarke to process right now along with the sudden realisation that she’s come to.

‘See you in the morning’ Bellamy mumbles as Clarke makes her way towards the door.

‘Yeah, see you then’ she says shakily, taking a deep breath in the hallway once she’s out there and blows it out of her chest in a whoosh.

‘Fuck’ Clarke thinks. _Fuck_.

She’s falling for Bellamy Blake.

 

-

 

Raven and Murphy are going on the supply run tomorrow and as Clarke lies in bed, she feels nervous for them.

They had told them about their encounter with the creatures and even though they had been inside the car, it was terrifying. Raven seemed determined though and wasn’t about to be deterred. Clarke had to admire her bravery.

The room is comfortable, set up for guests of Bellamy’s former employer - like most of the bedrooms here. Still, as she lies beneath the covers, sleep refuses to find her. What makes it worse is when a shadow passes the newspapered windows outside. It makes the knot in Clarke’s stomach tighten even further. She has seen the shadows a couple of times but it’s been during the day and when she’s in the presence of the others - it’s just a reminder that those things are still out there.

Glancing at the digital clock, she realises that it’s just gone 3am. She’s definitely not going to sleep now and she can’t seem to shake the fear that’s rising in her chest. Logically, she knows the creatures can’t get in here but she doesn’t really feel like being alone either.

Climbing out of the covers, Clarke finds herself crossing the upstairs hallway until she reaches the room that Bellamy usually sleeps in. They haven’t interacted much since their dance in the kitchen a couple of nights ago, mostly due to constantly being surrounded by other people. Clarke had been with Madi, Jordan and Harper a lot and Bellamy had been tending to Murphy who seems to have reached an emotional level in his grieving process. Other than that, Raven and Jasper were always somewhere close by and to be honest, even if they did find themselves alone, Clarke wasn’t sure what she’d have said.

How does she tell him that she’s starting to fall in love with him? She can’t even believe it’s happened so quickly. Maybe being in intense circumstances and close living quarters with people makes connections grow stronger and faster. Or maybe it’s just Bellamy.

Resigning to not saying anything for a while, she follows through with what she was intending to do here and stops hovering over his doorknob. Creaking open the door, Clarke sees Bellamy’s sleeping form on the bed inside the room. Half of his body is covered with a soft blanket but the top of his back is exposed to the open air. He’s face down and the light from the hallway let’s her see the way his back rises and falls with each even breath.

Fiddling with her cotton shorts, Clarke decides to move the rest of the way into the room and closes the door behind her. The room falls into darkness once more, the newspapered windows blocking out the faint moonlight outside. The quiet that sleeps in here with Bellamy is a comfort in itself, different from the uncomfortable and scary silence in her own room.

She lifts the covers and climbs in beside him, only a little ashamed to admit to herself that she’s not as brave as she thought she was - not by herself anyway. Bellamy stirs the second he feels the weight in the bed with him, shooting up with a sharp intake of breath.

‘It’s just me’ she whispers, fixing her black tank top as she settles herself on her side. She’s facing away from him because maybe that would make him feel better about sharing a bed with her.

‘Clarke?’ Bellamy’s voice comes out broken and hoarse from sleep, deeper than normal which makes her desire for him only grow. Suddenly, she fears this was a mistake - what if he kicks her out?

‘Yeah, I uh…the creatures were passing my window and…’ she stutters but he interrupts her.

‘It’s fine, Princess. Get comfortable.’

Clarke smiles, glad her blush for her initially hated nickname is hidden in the darkness. She pulls the blanket up around her shoulders and the dark room grows quiet again.

‘Bellamy?’ She mumbles after a few minutes, feeling sleep pull at her already.

‘Mm?’

‘I’m glad you saved me, too’ she whispers, referring back to the conversation during their dance. She hasn’t stopped thinking about it since that night, the way his eyes and words were so genuine and the way he touched her, held her, let his lips grow closer to hers - the entire memory gives her butterflies.

At first, she thinks he’s fallen back asleep without responding but after a long beat, she feels his arm around her waist. He pulls himself closer to her, the only sound being the rustling of the sheets between them. His lips press a soft kiss against the back of her shoulder and Clarke’s stomach flips, her heart starting to race once more.

They fall asleep like that, Clarke’s back to Bellamy’s chest and his arm draped over her. She feels safe and secure here with him.

Here in the arms of the man she loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	6. Stranger Danger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments and for sharing this fic on tumblr - it means the world to me. This chapter is leading up to another pretty intense one and all I can do is remind you again of the warnings and hope you enjoy it as much as you have been :)

Upon opening his eyes, two things come to the front of Bellamy’s mind.

The first is that today is the day where Raven and Murphy go on the second supply run. He’s nervous about it, doesn’t want them doing it. In fact, after the last time, Bellamy would just rather go by himself. Every time they try something more than just lounging around the house day in day out, something goes wrong and somebody dies.

The second thing he thinks about is the blonde who is currently lying against his body. It takes a few moments to register and remember how she ended up in his bed but his heart quickens when he thinks of how they fell asleep. Clarke’s arm is across his bare torso now from having shifted during the night and one leg is hitched over his one. Her form is peaceful and her breathing even, clearly still asleep as the heat of their bodies intermix.

Bellamy doesn’t want to move and definitely doesn’t want to disturb her but he’s painfully aware of the hardness between his legs from having her this close and intimate with him. It’s a natural occurrence in the mornings, yet he’s sure this one is because of this girl. The room is as bright as it can be with the newspapers blocking the sun and he can already hear the others downstairs, the faint hum of conversation drifting up through the floorboards.

He and Clarke have clearly overslept.

He moves his legs a little which causes Clarke to inhale deeply as she comes out of a deep sleep. He looks down at her, watching as her beautiful, long eyelashes flutter open.

 _Jesus_ , she’s so beautiful.

Part of him can’t believe their interactions the other night when he asked her to dance - she had told him that she liked it, that she would have wanted to do that for their hypothetical date. He never expected it to be so intimate though, so charged and delicate.

‘Hey’ she whispers, her voice groggy from sleep.

‘Hey, Princess’ he smiles. _Damn_ , he could get used to waking up like this every morning.

‘What time is it?’ Clarke rubs her eyes before stretching and Bellamy immediately feels the loss of heat when she separates her body from him. She doesn’t even look like it’s registered with her - the fact that she was sleeping so tight against him. She definitely doesn’t notice the effect that had on him, either.

‘Too late to still be in bed’ he teases, earning him a playful shove to his shoulder. As if to spite him for that remark, she pulls herself up and out of his bed and he automatically finds himself wishing that they could have just laid there all day. On any other day, they could have. It’s not like they ever had anything else to do and it’s easy here with her, enjoyable and safe - but today is supply run day and the others need them both downstairs for support and guidance.

The responsibilities of leadership - it’s never ending.

 

-

 

‘So, we’re leaving in the afternoon?’ Raven runs the plan by Bellamy again as they nibble on their morning rations. Bellamy’s stomach churns at just the thoughts of it.

‘Why don’t you let me go instead?’ He offers again only to be greeted by a groan of frustration from Raven and an eye roll.

‘Murphy and I are taking this run - deal with it, Blake.’

‘We can handle it’ Murphy agrees, sitting on top of the kitchen counter with an apple in his hand. ‘Stop worrying. It’s ageing you.’

‘Ha-ha’ Bellamy replies. He just can’t lose anyone else and if something happens to Raven or Murphy during today’s run, he’ll never forgive himself for not pushing harder to take the run himself. They’re going to have to do a lot of runs if they’re planning on living in this house forever, which is a horrible thought but the only choice they have right now. So, he might as well get used to the idea now that it can’t always be him doing them.

‘Where’s Harper?’ Clarke asks as she feeds the three birds, soft blue in colour as they wait patiently for her to insert the seeds into their container.

‘Think Jordan had a hard night’ Raven tells her. ‘She’s still in bed with him and Madi.’

Bellamy pushes his curls back out of his eyes. _Fuck_ , he wishes he was still in bed with Clarke, not down here worrying over all of this. His eyes glance back to her, unable to keep his eyes off her for long. She’s wearing the pair of jeans that he first met her in, along with a grey sweater that she found in one of the drawers in the house. They don’t have much choice with clothes and unfortunately, Polis market doesn’t stock any.

‘And Jasper?’ Clarke wonders.

‘Probably still drunk’ Murphy mutters. ‘He found a bottle of Jack last night’.

Bellamy rolls his eyes - he’s going to need to do something about Jasper. Murphy was right in what he said: Jasper isn’t the only one grieving for someone. He needs to find a better outlet for his pain or their living situation is going to get a lot worse.

As if on queue, they hear his voice - it’s hushed and strained like he had been trying hard not to be heard.

‘Just come in really, really quickly.’

Bellamy’s heart stops in his chest and all four of them in the kitchen are clearly thinking the same thing. Their eyes lock onto one another, their movements completely stilling in fear and panic. _Who the hell is he talking to?_

‘Thank you’ a strange voice appears in the hallway and they hear the front door click closed. They all shoot into action, Clarke being the first one out towards Jasper and the stranger. Bellamy bursts forward, pulling open a drawer before he follows the others.

‘Jasper?’ Raven’s voice shakes in panic as she races towards him because they already know what he’s done, but she asks anyway as if refusing to believe it. ‘What are you doing?’

When Bellamy finally rounds the doorframe, he sees Jasper locking the front door and a man with auburn hair standing on their floor. The man is slim built and wears a blue, tattered blindfold around his neck.

‘Who the fuck is this?’ Bellamy rumbles, pushing out past Clarke, Raven and Murphy who are just staring wide-eyed at the scenario in front of them. _Holy shit_ , has Jasper really just let someone in? A fucking stranger?

‘What were you thinking?’ Murphy growls and Bellamy doesn’t miss the way Jasper stumbles. This is the problem right here, he wasn’t fucking thinking.

‘Get down’ Bellamy lifts his hand, pointing the gun in it at the stranger in their house.

‘Bellamy’ Raven gasps and the others have similar reactions. It’s why he hadn’t told any of them about the weapon - it would only have caused panic and fear. It’s his one, left here from his shifts at the house when he used to work for Shumway. He had thought of bringing it to Polis market with him but he can’t really shoot something he can’t look at - instead, he’s opted for using it in scenarios such as this one which apparently keep making themselves present. _He can look at people, though_.

‘Hey, he needs help’ Jasper snaps. ‘He’s scared.’

‘Are you out of your mind?’ Bellamy chastises, his careless demeanour reminding him too much of how careless Bellamy himself had been when Echo died. ‘Get down!’ He yells to the man again who just stares at Bellamy’s gun, his hands in the air. He does as he’s told, bending onto his hands and knees.

‘Please’ he whimpers.

‘Who are you?’ Murphy shouts because the panic is infectious, spreading through the lot of them as the danger grows more obvious.

‘My name is Cage’ the man cries. ‘I live downtown. Please, please just let me stay here. They’re after me’ he puts his hands on top of his head, shielding himself from their rage as if they’ve spent the last hour beating him senseless.

‘Who’s after you?’ Clarke asks.

‘I don’t believe him. He’s lying’ Murphy decides without hearing anything else, shaking his head and walking in a semi-circle around this man in the centre of their hallway.

‘Who’s after you?’ Jasper repeats Clarke’s question, his tone soft but his words slurred.

‘It’s obvious he’s lying’ Murphy gestures to Bellamy as if he’s the one they’re trying to convince here.

‘I swear…’ Cage blubbers.

‘Why are you here?!’ Bellamy interrupts him, his yell filling the entire house as he prods the air with his gun aggressively.

‘I was in my friends house laying low when the attacks started’ Cage rushes out quickly as a means of explanation. ‘Everything was fine until they broke in.’

‘Creatures don’t break into people’s homes’ Clarke says sternly but she’s scared, Bellamy knows from a mere glance at her.

‘No’ Cage lifts his head to look at them. ‘Not the creatures. These psychos from Mount Weather.’

‘Mount Weather?’ Raven furrows her brow. ‘I don’t…where is that?’ She looks from Murphy to Clarke to Bellamy.

‘It’s a mental institution for the criminally insane’ Cage clarifies, not daring to move from his position on the floor in case Bellamy would take a shot at him.

‘Well, it’s nice to know they have hall passes now’ Jasper scoffs, smirking a little like this entire situation is amusing.  _Jesus Christ_ , Bellamy feels like strangling him.

‘And then what?’ Murphy snaps at Cage.

‘They took us outside and they forced our eyes open so that we would have to look at the creatures.’

‘What?’ Raven breathes. ‘Did you look?’

‘No’ Cage shakes his head dramatically. ‘No, my friend managed to tackle one of these people to the ground and the rest of us made a run for it. I just kept on running and running till I got here’ he starts to cry again. ‘I’ve been knocking on all the doors and nobody has answered until you.’

Bellamy is breathing deeply, his eyes murderous as he listens to Cage. It doesn’t sit right with him, doesn’t feel genuine. Clarke’s expression is unreadable beside him, her eyes sharp on Cage like she’s trying to weigh up if she believes him or not.

‘The scariest thing was, when these people broke in…they…they weren’t wearing blindfolds’ Cage whispers. ‘It’s like they didn’t need them.’

‘They’d been outside, you have to wear blindfolds’ Clarke explains like it’s obvious.

‘Not these people. They weren’t affected like everyone else. They wanted to see, they were happy’ he goes on. ‘They were so glad and they said everyone needed to see.’

Bellamy’s heard enough. He pulls the hammer back on his gun, creating a click sound which echoes around the hall.

‘Wait’ Cage holds his hands up.

‘Get up’ Bellamy grits out. ‘And get out.’

‘Bellamy’ Jasper calls him.

‘He’s right’ Murphy squares his shoulders. ‘This is not an orphanage. New guy, you had a great visit and we really loved meeting you. Now fuck off.’

‘Murphy, you can’t be serious!’ Jasper exclaims.

‘I am! And anybody who doesn’t agree can go with him’ Murphy snaps at Jasper which only extracts a scoff from the stupid, stupid idiot who let this stranger in.

Bellamy doesn’t have time for this back and forth.

‘Out now!’ He yells at Cage, finishing this.

‘That’s murder’ Jasper yells back.

‘No, _this_ is murder’ Bellamy snaps, referring to the fucked up move of letting a stranger into their one place of safety.

‘Please’ Cage cries.

‘Every contact we have had with the outside has brought us death’ Bellamy’s eyes are locked on Jasper now. ‘Monty, Emori, Echo, Maya!’

Jasper’s eyes snap closed at the mention of Maya’s name.

‘Bellamy’s right. If you wanna save people out there, then you go right through that door and you go do it. We’re not bringing strangers in here and what’s more is you apparently can’t be trusted to not open that fucking door to every Tom, Dick and Harry who knocks on it - so you’re going to be put somewhere until you get a grip!’ Murphy rants.

‘Give Cage a chance’ Harper’s voice appears at the top of the stairs, causing them all to look up. Her hands are on the bannister, allowing her to look down onto the hallway like a queen from a throne.

‘Harper’ Bellamy sighs, his voice softer with her. ‘We can’t.’

‘Yes, we can’ she says. ‘Monty would have wanted it too if he were here. For us to be good guys, not executioners.’

Silence.

Bellamy closes his eyes in defeat. _Fuck_. He doesn’t like this one bit but she’s right - Monty would want to give him a chance. The others must sense that he’s giving in and that ultimately makes their choice simple - they’re going to follow Bellamy.

‘Thank you’ Cage weeps. ‘Thank you so much.’

Murphy moves first and sudden from the quiet, grabbing Jasper and pulling him towards door that leads out to the garage. Bellamy knows Murphy - if he can’t do anything about Cage, he’s sure as hell going to do something about Jasper. Bellamy has lowered his gun from Cage but he doesn’t try and stop Murphy - in fact, none of them do. Jasper is trying to scramble back at him but Murphy is too quick and strong, despite his frame being smaller than Bellamy’s. He shoves Jasper into the garage and slams the door on him, looking at his angry and betrayed face through the glass panels. Bellamy stares down at his feet, knowing this is probably the best course of action for him but it’s still hard to see his friend in isolation.

‘Dry out’ Murphy snaps bitterly at Jasper as he locks the door, giving him a lingering look before storming off into the living room. Raven, biting her lip, follows him and Harper has retreated back to the babies. It leaves Clarke, Bellamy and this Cage alone in the hallway. It’s silent and hostile, the air thickening by the second around them until Bellamy finds his voice.

‘You make one wrong move and I’ll blow a hole straight through your head’ Bellamy says quietly but his tone is so sharp that it could cut steel. Cage merely nods, still not having found any strength to pull himself off the floor. Bellamy turns and strides back into the kitchen, shoving his gun into the back of his pants as he goes.

‘Hey’ Clarke jogs after him, stopping in front of him when he whips around to face her.

‘I don’t like this’ he tells her, shaking his head and tonguing his bottom lip in frustration. He leans back against the island, folding his arms across his chest. _Fuck_ , things were so much simpler this morning when it was just him and Clarke in bed and the biggest thing he was worrying about was Raven and Murphy’s supply run.

‘I know’ she nods. ‘Me either.’

‘This is too familiar’ he hisses, gesturing to the hallway where they’ve left Cage. ‘Did you hear him? They wanted us to see? They were so glad and they said everyone needed to see?’ Bellamy quotes the stranger. ‘Crying and weeping, the begging? Where have we heard that before?’

Clarke’s breathing stills in her chest and her eyes stick to Bellamy’s and he knows that she knows exactly where they’ve heard that before. Dax’s demeanour was almost an exact replica of Cage’s just now.

‘What if he’s one of them?’ Bellamy whispers.

‘It’s too soon to tell yet’ Clarke glances back over her shoulder. The unease that has fallen around the house is almost impossible to shake. ‘They’re quiet, though’ Clarke nods over at the birds in the cage who are indeed silent. They’re pecking at some seeds in their container, hopping around on their little perches. ‘We don’t know, maybe he’s describing what the psycho’s said. Maybe he was just upset because he thought we were going to put him back outside.’

Maybe. But unlikely. There’s something off about him and Clarke knows it too, even if she’s trying to find a silver lining. Bellamy thinks back on what Cage has said about the psycho’s who apparently burst into their home.

‘He said the guys that broke in were insanity patients from Mount Weather - what if those who have a severe mental illness are easily manipulated by the creatures?’ Bellamy wonders with Clarke. She nods, thinking about it for a second.

‘They don’t kill themselves but instead act as carriers of the infestation - spread it to the people who the creatures can’t access themselves’ Clarke adds on. It’s more than plausible.

‘What if Cage is a carrier?’ Bellamy breathes, half afraid to talk. Maybe that’s why he’s such a good liar - there’s something mentally wrong with him. Maybe he’s from Mount Weather himself and that’s how he knows so much about this place that none of the rest of them even heard of.

‘We just have to keep a close eye on him’ Clarke whispers back. Bellamy doesn’t answer her - doesn’t think that’s good enough.

‘Hey’ she reaches out and touches Bellamy’s shoulder. ‘We’re in this together. We’ll figure it out.’

Bellamy just nods, focusing on the little pieces of ice crystals in the blue of Clarke’s eyes. He just hopes they figure it out before it’s too late.

‘Birds?’ Cage’s voice appears behind Clarke and it makes them both jump. Bellamy leans his head to the side to get a view of him standing in the doorway. How long has he been standing there?

‘Yeah’ Clarke stutters, following Cage’s gaze to the birds behind Bellamy on the island top. ‘They sense when the creatures are near.’

Bellamy’s doesn’t move his eyes from Cage, watching him with a dark glare.

‘Oh’ Cage nods. ‘Interesting.’

With that, he turns and walks back down the hallway - his footsteps fading as the distance grows between them. Clarke looks back to Bellamy and he’s sure her heart is pounding just as much as his one is. Nausea grows in his stomach and every single inch of him is screaming how much of a mistake it is to let Cage stay.

He needs to trust his gut here and his gut is telling him that he has a second chance to choose being protective over being good - and he has every intention of doing that.

 

-

 

‘We should leave the run for another day’ Bellamy is saying as Raven and Murphy get ready to leave. He’s begging them for this again like he’s done all morning. ‘Until we know more about what’s happening with Cage.’

‘Bellamy - we’re doing the run today. It will be fine, you just need to put Jasper back in the garage after we leave’ Raven tells him as she swings a backpack over her shoulder. ‘Now again, is there anything else we need other than what you’ve already told us?’

Bellamy sighs, scrubbing his hand over his face. There’s too much risk today and the terrible gut feeling he has is setting multiple alarms off in his brain.

‘No’ he resigns and Raven nods, making her way out of the living room towards the garage where the rover is. Jasper has been sitting on the concrete floor out there, sobering up as the hours tick on. Cage has been sitting in the kitchen listening to music while Clarke is upstairs with Harper and the kids, having already said her goodbyes to Murphy and Raven.

‘We’ll be back before dark’ she calls out as she walks away.

Bellamy is about to follow Raven out to get Jasper while they drive outside but Murphy catches his arm before he can take a step.

‘Don’t hesitate to use that’ Murphy nods down to the gun holstered in Bellamy’s pants. ‘The second you feel something is wrong’ he locks his eyes on Bellamy’s, the look in them serious and controlled. Bellamy nods, knowing Murphy shares his growing feeling of dread about this whole thing.

‘Get back here in one piece and take care of one another out there’ Bellamy grabs Murphy’s shoulder and gives it a squeeze. He and Murphy may not always have seen eye-to-eye and his attitude can be hard to deal with at times, but they’re like brothers. No-one is more loyal or honest than John Murphy. He awkwardly brings Bellamy in for a hug - something that they don’t really do with one another, yet it’s welcomed. Bellamy slaps his back as they give each other the typical ‘bro-hug’ and he just hopes that nothing will go wrong for them out there.

Once they’re gone, Bellamy is just locking the garage door on Jasper when he looks up and sees Jasper’s eyes still through the glass panels in the door.

‘Bellamy’ Jasper’s voice is even and low, weighted with a tone that makes Bellamy’s heart stop. Jasper is looking over Bellamy’s shoulder, down the straight hallway and into the kitchen. ‘He’s putting the birds in the freezer’ Jasper whispers, fear coating every word.

‘What?’ Bellamy whispers back, snapping his head around and indeed sees Cage depositing the bird cage into the large, modernised freezer that Shumway has installed in the house. It’s empty and almost in the shape of a long cabinet, void of shelves and holders. He used to use it for his bottles of alcohol during parties so the cage fits almost perfectly inside of it. Why is he doing that?

Cage has disappeared from view inside the kitchen by the time Bellamy is stalking down the hallway, gun drawn.

Shit. _Shit._

His heart is thumping in his chest and the awful feeling that’s been simmering under his skin ever since Cage arrived is now boiling over. Silence greets him once he reaches the kitchen threshold and he grips his gun tighter.

He’s barely around the doorframe when a sharp pain erupts against his skull, making him fall to the ground with a swift thump. His gun slides across the tiles and the only thing holding Bellamy’s consciousness for a few seconds is the cold tiles against his cheek. He watches Cage’s shoes walk towards the garage door and hears Jasper’s shouts and curses like they’re coming through cotton.

‘I let you in here! You son of a bitch. Wait, what are you doing? No - don’t do that!’

Cage presses a button on a remote in his hand which makes the outside door of the garage creak open, exposing Jasper to the outside world. _No_ \- he doesn’t have a blindfold.

The last thing Bellamy thinks of as the darkness comes to claim him is Clarke, blissfully unaware of all of this upstairs with Harper and the babies.

He’s failed them all once again… _and now they’re going to die_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	7. Close Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heed chapter warnings and prepare yourselves!

Madi is in the crook of Clarke’s arm, smiling a little as she wiggles to get comfortable. Clarke can’t help but smile back at her, in total awe of someone so small and amazing. They’re lying on Harper’s bed and the edges of the navy blanket are brushing Madi’s cheeks. Clarke balances her head in her hand as she tickles the baby’s stomach. Madi’s face contorts into a more obvious smile now, her eyes locked on Clarke.

‘She’s so sweet’ Clarke’s grin is stupidly big as she stares at her. She hears Harper chuckle from her place on the floor. She has her back against the wall with Jordan sleeping soundly in her arms. Clarke had told her to come up to the bed but Harper refused, stating that she’d rather sit here for a week if it meant not waking her son right now. Jordan hadn’t slept that great last night, apparently.

‘Broody much, Clarke?’

‘A little’ Clarke giggles, watching the way Madi’s hand curls around Clarke’s baby finger. She’s never had that much experience with kids and she never even thought about having one of her own - that was something far off down the line. Yet, there’s something strange about being around Jordan and Madi - Clarke suddenly wonders how she ever wanted to be a career focused woman when things as sweet as these children exist. Not to mention that her stomach somersaults every time she sees one of them in Bellamy’s arms.

‘Awww, babies?’ a voice comes from the open door and Clarke’s head snaps up, seeing Cage standing there. She hadn’t even heard him come up but already, Clarke feels on edge.

‘Yeah’ Harper smiles, not having the same reservations as Clarke does - her arm has automatically come around Madi a little tighter.

‘So beautiful’ Cage steps in, peering at Jordan in Harper’s lap.

‘Thank you’ Harper looks at her son now too, doting on his peaceful face.

‘Can I see yours?’ Cage takes a step over to Clarke and her mind isn’t calm enough to form a sentence, let alone correct him on the fact that Madi isn’t hers. ‘Wow. She’s amazing’ he says, his eyes fawning over Madi. Clarke has half shielded her with her body, bent over the tiny baby beneath her chest.

‘Thanks’ Clarke manages, hoping to God that Bellamy notices this man isn’t downstairs anymore. They weren’t supposed to let him anywhere near the children until he could prove that he was trustworthy. She had heard the rover leave a while ago so she knows Raven and Murphy are gone. Bellamy shouldn’t be distracted by anything downstairs now.

‘Where’s Bellamy?’ Clarke asks Cage as he admires the paintings hung on the walls of the bedroom. He moves onto the newspapers that are stuck to the glass windows, blocking the view of the outside world. It’s like he’s reading them, studying them with such focus. ‘The guy with the gun?’ She clarifies in case he doesn’t know who she’s talking about. He doesn’t answer her and the pit of dread in Clarke’s stomach only grows. ‘Cage?’

‘Look at this’ he says happily. In one swift movement, Cage reaches up and pulls a section of newspaper off the window. Clarke’s reflexes are on point because the second an ounce of sunlight pours through the glass, she takes the navy blanket and sweeps it over her and Madi.

‘What are you doing?’ Clarke’s voice shakes when it comes out. ‘Bellamy!’ She calls, unable to get the right power behind it though because she’s panicking.

 _Fuck, they’re in trouble here._ She then remembers that Harper has nothing to shield herself with.

‘Harper, close your eyes!’

‘Isn’t it beautiful?’ Cage asks, clearly still staring out the window. Clarke hears him pull off another section of newspaper and the room outside the blanket grows brighter.

‘No! Stop, why are you doing this?’

Madi starts to cry, clearly sensing the fear in Clarke’s voice. Harper is unusually quiet but Clarke can’t check on her, can’t look to see if she’s okay.

‘Look!’

‘Cage, please don’t do this’ Clarke begs. They should have never given him a fucking chance. Bellamy was right - he’s a carrier.

‘Show the baby’ she hears him say and Clarke’s heart nearly falls into her stomach.

‘No, no Harper don’t show him. Harper!’ Clarke calls. ‘Harper, cover Jordan’s eyes.’

‘See?’ Cage speaks. ‘Yeah, show your baby.’

Clarke can hear Harper shuffling, like she’s trying to stand up. Jordan has woken from the movement and the shouting and his cries along with Madi’s deafen the room. The panic in Clarke’s chest grows because _fuck_ , she knows Harper is already gone - she has seen whatever is outside that fucking window. Maybe Jordan hasn’t though and Clarke promised Harper that she’d take care of her son. Madi is still crying but Clarke pops herself out from under the blanket and sits up on her knees, arms outstretched in Harper’s general direction with her eyes squeezed shut.

‘Harper, let me see Jordan’ she begs, hoping beyond all hope that Harper hands him over. Harper hasn’t spoken one word but Clarke knows she’s right in front of her on the way to the window. ‘Harper, _please_. Just for one minute. Let me hold him just for one minute!’ She feels Harper’s eyes on her which is what worries her - _Jesus, she wishes her eyes weren’t open_. ‘Just one minute’ Clarke whimpers, desperation flooding her tone.

Her heart almost gives way when she feels Jordan’s screaming body being placed into her hands. _Thank God_. Whatever has taken over Harper, her motherly instincts outweighed it for a few moments. _Fuck_ , she wants to save her too but how can she? She needs to protect the babies and she can’t do a damn thing with her eyes shut.

‘See it?’ She still hears Cage’s encouragements. Once Clarke has a proper hold of Jordan, she’s back under the blanket with Madi in a heartbeat. Opening her eyes, she checks Jordan over and pulls his eyes - checking for anything that would tell her that he’s been infected. He looks normal, bright red in the face from crying.

‘Shh’ Clarke soothes them but she’s crying too.

‘Monty?’ She hears Harper say, the first word out of her mouth in too long and Clarke’s heart stops.

 _Oh, God_.

When the sound of a window breaking falls over the room, Clarke stifles a loud cry with her hand because she knows in that instant that Harper is gone out through it. A two story fall would probably kill her depending on what way she landed, but if not, she’d surely find something in the backyard to finish the job.

 _Fuck_. The only sound after that is the babies crying.

‘Oh my God’ Clarke whispers, tears streaming down her cheeks. ‘Shh’ she tries again to soothe Madi and Jordan but they’re not stupid, they know something is wrong and can sense the uneasy energy.

Where the hell is Bellamy? Clarke’s heart is on double time as she thinks of him - what if Cage killed him before he came up here? That is something Clarke can’t bare to think about. Something has happened to him though because there’s no way he’d be chilling downstairs when the babies are screaming so loudly and Harper throwing herself through the window wasn’t a sound you could actually ignore. She feels Cage’s weight sit on the edge of the bed, clearly still facing the window.

‘Hey, Clarke’ he taps her through the blanket. ‘Give me the children.’

Clarke’s mouth goes dry and her breathing is laboured - she can’t catch her breath. She has no way to protect them, no weapon - nothing.

‘Give me the kids’ he says again, louder this time. Madi and Jordan are still screaming and Clarke can only stare at them, trying to come up with any solution here. How can she stop this from happening? Her heart is pounding the drums in her ears, threatening to deafen her. ‘Give me the children or I’ll take them!’ Cage’s voice booms as he tugs at the blanket and Clarke squeezes her eyes shut, hope lost because she can’t do a damn thing.

They’re going to die.

‘Hey, asshole!’ Jasper’s voice appears in the room and Clarke’s eyes snap open. He had been locked in the garage, how did he get out? Did Cage not think to take care of him if he already took out Bellamy?

‘Hey?’ Cage gets up, his weight gone from the bed. ‘What are you doing here?’ His voice coming out in a sing-song manner, nearly patronising. Clarke figures that Jasper has something - a weapon of sorts because she can detect a hint of worry under Cage’s tone. ‘Have you come to see?’

That’s when Clarke hears it - a click. Jasper has Bellamy’s gun. This should make Clarke feel better, that Jasper has managed to find some way to protect them - but it doesn’t. If he has Bellamy’s gun, then what has happened to Bellamy? Tears spill over her cheeks once more and she dips her head, letting it rest gently on top of Jordan’s forehead. His little fingers come up automatically, curling into her hair as he tries to comfort himself. They’re still crying, just not as loud now as their energy drops. Clarke is no good to them, why did she promise Harper she would do this? She can’t even protect them right now, can’t stop them crying - can’t stop herself from crying.

 _Fuck, she’s lost Bellamy_.

‘Open your eyes’ Cage coaxes, his voice not as close to Clarke now so she knows he must be walking towards Jasper. At least he has the good sense to keep his eyes closed. She wants to call out, ask him is Bellamy okay even though her instincts are telling her he isn’t but she can’t find the words at all. ‘Don’t be frightened, look at me’ Cage says. ‘Look at me. Look at me!’ He’s shouting now but the tension building is shattered with the sound of a gunshot.

The babies erupt into screams again from the loud noise and Clarke’s heart is belting against her ribcage, but there’s no thud. Cage’s body should have hit the floor if Jasper landed the shot.

‘Ouch’ Cage states matter-of-factly.

Jasper managed to injure him alright, but it’s not enough. Clarke isn’t sure what’s happens next but she just hears the sound of feet running against the hardwood floor, a scuffle and the sound of wood breaking. They’re gone from the room and by the sounds of it, through the banister and down into the hall below.

‘Jasper’ Clarke whimpers, tightening her grip around the babies. The close contact makes their crying cease and now Clarke is alone in the silence, her breathing being the only sound for a few seconds.

‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you didn’t get to see’ she hears the rumble of Cage’s voice downstairs and the birds start chirping wildly in the kitchen. ‘It is beautiful. _So_ beautiful - it shall cleanse the world.’

She hears Jasper’s sharp intake of breath and she knows it’s his final one. Squeezing her eyes shut once more, Clarke loses herself in despair. _Shit_. Raven and Murphy won’t be back anytime soon - if they make it back at all. She hears a gunshot and it makes Clarke's body jolt, startling the babies into tears once again. Cage had survived the fall and now he probably finished Jasper off downstairs.

When she hears footsteps slowly approaching up the stairs, her heart is pounding so much that she fears she’ll pass out. What’s worse is, now Cage has the gun. He can force her up, force her to look - ‘look or I’ll kill the children’.

‘Shh’ Clarke cries, brushing the hair on Madi’s head with her fingertips. They’re so small, so defenceless - and she can’t help them. When the footsteps stop at the door of the bedroom, Clarke is full on sobbing.

‘Please’ she manages. ‘Stay away from us.’

The steps grow closer and heavier and Clarke prepares herself, tensing her muscles out of fear and panic. She has nothing to fight him off with, no advantage without her sight. The light pouring in from the outside is as much of a danger as Cage is right now. Her breathing stops altogether the nearer he gets, the tears flowing silently down her face. In one fluid motion, the blanket lifts like someone is getting under it with them and a hand comes onto Clarke’s shoulder. She immediately jumps at the contact.

‘Hey, I got you’ Bellamy’s voice comes into her ear from behind, husky and familiar like the very first day he said those words to her. ‘It’s okay.’

Clarke’s breath comes back to her in a choked sob, relief flooding her every pore. _He’s alive and he’s here_.

Bellamy rests his head against hers, watching the babies and they barely move for a few minutes. Clarke hasn’t dared look back at him, still frozen to the spot. Her fingers are absentmindedly still stroking Madi’s head and Jasper has snuggled into her chest.

‘Good job, mama’ he whispers against her ear but she feels his tears drip onto her neck. He’s praising her for protecting the babies but really, she did nothing at all. Harper and Jasper are dead and she just lay here while it happened.

‘I couldn’t save them, Bellamy’ she cries. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Hey, shh’ he soothes her, rubbing her arm. ‘You did good.’ His voice is cracking at the end though, the pain of losing his friends again completely transparent.

‘I thought you were dead’ her own voice breaks and fresh tears pour down her face. It's true - and the thought broke her heart. He doesn’t reply, instead he just squeezes her tighter from behind.

They stay like that for a while until the babies have fallen asleep and the whole house is deafeningly quiet. The breeze drifting in from the broken window is chilly, indicating that evening time has rolled around.

‘We need to fix the window’ Clarke’s voice sounds strange amongst the quiet.

‘I’ll do it’ Bellamy says hoarsely, not even asking how it got broken in the first place. He must know though - must know that it’s how Harper took her own life.

‘I’ll start putting newspapers back up on the windows then’ Clarke decides. She can’t just lie here and do nothing.

‘We need to move the bodies too, put them out back with Maya’ Bellamy says quietly. Clarke’s heart clenches for him - he’s lost so many people. Clarke had never had a bunch of friends like he had, ones who could fight like family but still love each other more than life itself. She had grown to love these people too and now she has to toss them outside like garbage because they can’t open their eyes to search for something to bury them with, can’t stay outside long enough in case they are spotted by the strangers who live amongst the creatures.

‘Okay’ Clarke breathes, preparing to lift off the blanket. ‘Close your eyes.’

 

-

 

‘We’re back’ Raven announces happily as their footsteps approach the kitchen.

Bellamy and Clarke are sitting on stools at the island, their arms folded in front of them. The light above their heads creates a soft, yellow hue around the place and other than the fact that two of their friends have just died, Clarke would think it peaceful. They had heard the rover pull up and even though they were both relieved, they couldn’t find it in themselves to jump up and go greet them.

She does hear Bellamy mutter a faint ‘thank God’ though.

They had spent the last couple of hours repairing the house as best they could, covering the windows with fresh paper and moving Jasper and Cage’s bodies. It was a job done in silence but the tears on both Clarke and Bellamy’s face were more than obvious during it. After that, Clarke had told Bellamy to go feed the babies and change them. She had wanted to clean up the blood - it was bad enough that Bellamy had to move Jasper’s body with her but she didn’t want to make him clean the floors and window ledges of their blood as well.

Clarke swept up the glass and broken pieces of wood, but Raven and Murphy must miss the gaping hole in the bannister upstairs on their way in.

‘The creatures were outside the car making the sensors go off, like you said might happen’ Murphy is first into the kitchen, depositing multiple plastic bags onto the counters. ‘Scary as fuck, but we made it.’

The birds give an odd chirp at the new noise in the house but they seem happy now that the threat of Cage is gone. Clarke wonders why they didn’t go insane when he came into the house first - maybe he had just been really good at hiding his possessed form, just like a true sociopath.

‘Did that guy cause any trouble while we were gone?’ Murphy asks, studying the cooking instructions on some pasta packaging.

Bellamy barely looks up and Clarke bites her bottom lip, forcing herself not to cry because shit, they’re going to have to tell them. She swallows hard, the dryness in her throat making the muscles constrict a little.

‘Yeah? And where is everyone?’ Raven wonders, putting her own bags down beside Murphy. ‘I noticed one of the glass panels in the garage door is broken, did Jasper try to escape?’ She half smirks but when they get no response, both her and Murphy stop unpacking the supplies and turn to face them. Clarke glances over to them, tears welling in her eyes already.

Jasper did try to escape - but not for himself. He had tried to help them.

‘Sit down, guys’ Bellamy’s voice cracks and when Clarke looks at him, his eyes are red and tired. His dark curls are matted from sweat and blood and he has yet to allow Clarke to examine the back of his head where Cage had hit him. They seem to catch on immediately because Murphy drops his head, letting out a shaky sigh and Raven’s hands fly up over her mouth.

‘No’ she breathes.

‘I’m so sorry’ Bellamy whispers and for the first time, Clarke sees him properly break down. She has seen the tears on his face alright but the sobs that take havoc on his body now makes her chest cave in. She cries too, pressing folded fingers against her mouth to stop any noise coming out. Raven runs to him and Bellamy stands just in time for her arms to come around his neck, comforting one another in an embrace. Murphy walks over too after a moment and they make room for him, pulling him in to their three person hug.

And there they stand, three devastated individuals mourning the loss of more of their friends.

Clarke gives them the space, sniffling as her heart breaks for them. Bellamy’s eyes meet hers over Raven’s shoulder, watery and broken. He holds her gaze as if drawing strength from it. Bellamy should be the one to tell them - he had missed most of it since he was knocked unconscious but Clarke had filled him in on what had happened as best she could.

Quietly, she gets up and mumbles something about checking on the babies who are asleep in the living room - leaving Bellamy to it. It’s something they need to heal over together and even though Clarke loved Harper and Jasper too, she couldn’t imagine how much it hurt to lose them after knowing them for so long.

Is this all that their lives will be from now on? Making decisions and hoping to God it won’t cost lives? If so, Clarke isn’t sure she can do it without Bellamy - the pain of potentially being without him today was too much.

She can’t lose him too.

 

-

 

‘Hey’ Raven startles Clarke a little.

She had been staring at a random lamp in the living room for ages now, watching the way the soft light made still shadows on the wall. She had been thinking about the fact that they’d never get to see pure, natural sunlight ever again and the thought was numbing. Yet, it was a welcomed train of thought. She'd take it over rethinking Harper and Jasper's deaths over and over like she previously had been doing.

‘Hey’ Clarke replies softly, dropping her legs from where the were spread out so Raven can sit down. The babies are still sleeping beside the couch and Clarke automatically glances over the arm, checking on them like a habit.

‘I heard they’re alive because of you’ Raven nods at them.

‘I didn’t do anything’ Clarke admits, disappointed in herself. She should have done more - done something to help Harper or knock Cage out. She couldn’t leave them alone on the bed though, not when she couldn’t open her eyes to make sure Cage was nowhere near them.

‘Bellamy seems to think you did.’

Clarke’s eyes pull up to meet Raven’s at the sound of his name. She had heard him and Murphy go upstairs about an hour ago, probably to wash his head wound - at least that’s what Clarke hopes he has done.

‘Bellamy is apparently singing my praises unjustly’ Clarke scrubs a hand through her short hair, letting it linger near her forehead.

‘I don’t think so - he said you were a real ‘mama bear' as he put it’ Raven smirks. ‘Seriously, though. You should be proud.’

‘Raven, Harper died’ Clarke whispers. ‘I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Then Jasper died and I couldn’t stop that either. The only thing I did was lay on the bed crying with the babies like I was one of them.’

Long way from a ‘Brave Princess’ as Bellamy once called her. Raven shifts on the couch, curling her leg under her as she straightens herself. Her eyes are a little puffy from crying but she looks a little stronger now than she had a few hours ago.

‘I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told Bellamy’ Raven begins. ‘This was no-one’s fault. Not even Cage’s. These things…they’re to blame. I could sit here and blame myself for not staying when Bellamy told me to - he asked me to stay until we knew what was going on with Cage and I went anyway.’

‘Yeah, but…’

‘Yeah but nothing, Clarke’ Raven interrupts. ‘If Murphy and I had of been here, maybe we could have prevented this. Maybe we couldn’t have. Maybe we’d be dead too. There’s no way to know and we can sit here and pick apart every little moment and imagine ways we could have done things differently but it won’t change anything. Harper and Jasper died today,’ she has to pause after this, collect herself a little. ‘They died. But you are the reason those babies are alive. You took Jordan from Harper and you covered their eyes. They are the facts. Nothing else matters.’

Clarke watches Raven carefully, thinking about the words that have come out of her mouth. She’s not wrong - that is the most logical way to look at it and they are the facts of today. There’s no point in sitting around pointing fingers or shouldering the guilt. What’s happened has happened and now, they have to try and move forward. Even though Clarke finds it hard to feel better about it all right now, she appreciates Raven saying it all the same. Here she is, trying to make Clarke feel better even though she has lost two more members of her family today. She's a pretty amazing person and it makes Clarke's heart swell. They sit in silence for a few moments, just relishing in the company of another person who shares the same pain.

‘I don’t know if I’m cut out to raise them by myself’ Clarke hears herself say her fears out loud, her voice cracking in the quiet. Raven just smiles kindly and reaches out to grab her hand. That move alone is comforting enough without her adding on a sentence that fills Clarke's chest with hope and relief.

‘Then it’s a good thing you’re not by yourself.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	8. Snap Reflex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the sweet comments so far on this fic. Keep sharing, commenting and giving kudos because I really appreciate every single bit of it.  
> I like that a lot of you are reaching out and messaging me on tumblr too - always makes my day.  
> Enjoy this chapter, heed the warnings and oh, Happy Valentines Day ❤️

A light knock on his door breaks Bellamy out of his thoughts, ones that were running riot previous to it. Clarke enters a few seconds later, meeting his eyes as he sits at the edge of the bed.

‘I saw your light on’ she says softly. ‘Why are you still awake?’

Bellamy blows the air out of his lungs. How can he ever sleep again? His friends keep dying and it’s his fault, he’s supposed to protect them and he hasn’t been doing a very good job. Raven had scolded him downstairs for comments like that, telling him nobody was to blame except for these creatures that have taken over their world.

But _fuck_ , he keeps thinking that if he just didn’t let Cage in, if he had of kicked him out despite Jasper and Harper telling him otherwise - maybe they’d still be alive. He knew better, it’s why they look to him as a leader - he has to make the tough calls and that was one he should have made. He tells Clarke just that, watching how she takes further steps into the room until she’s sitting on the bed beside him.

‘If we kicked him out, then they would have known where we were’ Clarke tells him and well, Bellamy hadn’t even thought of that. ‘He would have told others that people were inside this house and they would have come back in greater numbers. We could have all died then.’

‘What’s stopping them coming back now? Seeing the lights on in the house?’ He gestures at the lampshade above him. Clarke just shrugs.

‘Nothing, I guess.’

They need to be more careful - only turn the lights on when they really need them, make sure nobody is following them after supply runs and above all else - let nobody inside this place again.

‘We might not have electricity much longer anyway’ she adds on. Bellamy pushes his hand back through his curls, wincing when he reaches the part of his head that Cage hit when he knocked him out. Clarke tuts, furrowing her brow in annoyance. ‘I thought you were going to treat this.’

‘I had a shower’ he grumbles, not wanting a fuss.

‘That’s not treating it’ she rolls her eyes, getting up and pulling out drawers as if she’ll find some kind of cream or ointment in them. ‘One thing we don’t have in this house is medicine’ she mumbles during her search.

‘It’s fine’ he groans. ‘It’s not that bad.’

‘At least let me take a proper look at it then’ she throws her hands up in defeat, coming back to stand in front of him. She doesn’t wait for him to agree before she starts separating his hair to scan the area. He can feel her focused eyes on him, her body standing in between his legs as she examines his head. Bellamy feels tingles having her this close, despite the circumstances. His thoughts of today distract him though, not allowing him a minutes peace with this amazing girl who saved Jordan and Madi today.

‘Should have killed him on his hands and knees in our hallway’ he mutters. He expects that to shock Clarke, but instead she just keeps tugging at the wound on his head.

‘You’re not a murderer. It’s not who you are.’

‘Maybe I need to be’ he replies. ‘Who we are and who we need to be to survive are very different things. And I became a murderer today because of it.’

If he was going to kill Cage today, it should have been sooner rather than later. His friends would have been alive now if he had of. Still, the weight of the guilt presses on him anyway - he took a mans life today.

At this, Clarke withdraws her hands and bends down on her hunkers. She rests her elbows on his two knees and looks at him so intensely that he thinks if she told him that the world was flat in that moment, he’d believe her.

‘We can’t keep dragging today around with us for the rest of our lives, Bellamy’ she whispers. ‘If you want forgiveness, fine - I’ll give it to you. You’re forgiven, okay?’

Bellamy just stares at her, admiring the wisdom that is beyond her years. All of them have gone through more than anybody should have had to go through, let alone a few kids barely old enough to make these kinds of decisions.

‘Okay?’ She encourages when he doesn’t answer her. He watches the blue of her eyes, swirling with an emotion he can’t quite put his finger on.

‘Okay’ he nods.

They fall asleep together again that night - and the night after that until it just becomes routine. Nothing ever happens, but Bellamy holds that girl every night like he could lose her in an instant because let’s face it…

He could.

 

-

 

Madi seems to be only coming right now.

She had fallen sick a week ago which encouraged a lot of sleepless nights from them all. Clarke took the most shifts, staying awake with the crying infant all night while the others looked after Jordan. She bathed her, trying to bring down her fever this way because ‘they didn’t have any goddamn medicine around here’ as Clarke kept muttering.

Bellamy knew it was a product of stress, worry over Madi who just seemed to get progressively worse as time went on. Even as a doctor, Clarke couldn’t pinpoint what it was that was making her so unwell. She wouldn’t feed and the only time she stayed awake was to cry the house down. Bellamy had been worried about the noise, he didn’t want any potential threats on the outside knowing they were in here.

Bellamy is just drifting off when Clarke climbs into bed beside him and for a moment, he thinks he is actually dreaming.

‘This is a rare thing these nights’ he says groggily, rubbing his eyes as he turns over to face Clarke.

‘Madi’s doing better’ she comments, breathing a sigh of relief that reaches every inch of her body. ‘No fever, sleeping better and actually finished a bottle tonight.’

‘That’s great’ Bellamy feels his chest grow lighter. He couldn’t face anything happening to those kids.

‘I just hope Jordan doesn’t catch whatever it was’ Clarke mumbles, settling herself and leaning over on her side too. Bellamy can’t make out too much of her features in the dark but he knows she’s tired, knows the bags under her eyes by heart at this point.

‘I’m sure if that was gonna happen, he would have caught it by now.’

‘I don’t know’ Clarke shrugs. ‘We could do with searching for some medicine.’

‘Where would we search? Polis market doesn’t stock any and everywhere else is too long of a drive to be up for discussion.’

‘Suppose so’ Clarke whispers. ‘Raven has Madi in her room tonight anyway. We’re expecting her to get a full nights sleep.’

‘So should you, Princess’ Bellamy tells her. ‘You’re exhausted. I’ve barely seen you all week.’

It’s true. When Clarke wasn’t losing her mind with worry over Madi, she was taking care of Jordan. They all took turns but nobody seemed to be able to settle Madi like Clarke. She may not be a mother, but damn, she grew into the role like nothing Bellamy expected. He missed her in his bed at night and even tried to stay up with her or instead of her some nights, but she just sent him back to bed - adamant that she wanted to do it.

‘Okay’ she says, her voice small in that moment and Bellamy knows she’s already falling sleep. He reaches out in the dark, pushing a small piece of hair behind her ear and she hums at the contact.

‘Sleep well, Clarke’ he whispers, rubbing her hair as she drifts off.

 _God,_ he doesn’t know what he’d do if anything ever happened to her. She’s become so important to him and he relies on her - she helps him make decisions and lead. Even when the world feels too heavy, Clarke is there to shoulder some of it with him.

The guilt, the burden, the responsibility.

 

-

 

Jordan never got what Madi had but it was another three days before Clarke would relax about it.

She constantly checked his temperature, watched the way he fed and stayed up far too late with him to make sure he was sleeping okay. Bellamy could do nothing but admire her passion and dedication to taking care of them. He’s thinking of her, like he always is, as he twirls his coffee with a spoon.

The kitchen looks how it always does this hour of the morning and Bellamy is enjoying things like this while they still can. The world will eventually run out of coffee.

His t-shirt needs a wash today and he's not sure how much longer he's going to get out of these jeans - will they eventually run out of clothes as well? Spend the rest of their lives in Tarzan type fashion?

Clarke had been up before him this morning, gone from his bed even though he didn’t sleep late by any means. He didn’t even feel her get up, didn’t feel her detangle herself from him like he normally would. They always end up snuggled against one another come morning time, magnetising towards one another in their sleep.

The babies slept in with them last night given that it was their turn - well, Bellamy’s turn. Raven and Murphy didn’t exactly know that Clarke and he were making a habit of sleeping with one another. At least if they did, they didn’t mention it.

Bellamy did the usual morning routine with Jordan and Madi before bringing them downstairs with him. They’re asleep again now beside him in their makeshift baskets that Raven had put together for them. Bellamy envies them a little - he wishes he had an excuse to sleep that much during the day.

The birds are chirping happily in their cage and they’ve become an odd reassurance in the house. They’re better than any dog or alarm system could be in these horrible times.

Bellamy looks up when Murphy comes into the kitchen, yawning as he flicks down the coffee machine to turn it on. God, they’re all going to miss the electricity when that eventually goes too. It’s only a matter of time.

‘Morning’ Bellamy says, ruffling his curls with his fingers.

‘Mm’ Murphy mumbles back, not even properly awake yet. When he plonks down across from Bellamy at the island and takes a sip of coffee, he finds it within himself to form a sentence. ‘Raven not up yet?’

‘Don’t think so’ Bellamy shrugs, looking back down at his coffee.

‘Her and Clarke are probably having a morning secret session in her room’ Murphy says smartly and Bellamy smirks. They had walked in on the girls numerous times over the last week, talking in hushed voices only to go completely silent in the boys presence. ‘You know they’re probably talking about you, right?’

‘What?’

‘Come on, you don’t think Clarke’s into you?’ Murphy smirks, looking over his shoulder as if half fearing that she’d overhear. Bellamy just raises his eyebrows. He knows Clarke is into him - it’s hard to miss the way she checks him out or how her touch always lingers a little longer than necessary when she’s brushing by him in the hallway.

And well, he’s definitely into her - his heart pounds when he sees her with the babies, how naturally she takes to it. The feeling that comes over him is almost like some primitive thing. Not that he wasn’t falling hard for her before all of this, but that seems to accelerate the process somehow.

On days when he’s not weighed down by the loss and grief, when he’s not worrying about his sister, when he’s not meticulously planning how they’re going to survive their next supply run or even trying to think about where they’re going to be a month from now, he let’s himself wonder what it would be like to kiss her - to let his urges take over and forget everything for a minute. In these moments, he doesn’t care how he’s going to keep everyone alive and he let’s himself grow ignorant to all the people he’s lost and he imagines how good Clarke would taste, how good he’d make her feel.

It suddenly hits him that if he lost her, she’d never know how much he’s fallen for her - how much he wants her. None of them are guaranteed a specific amount of time and the world is a dangerous place now, he can’t wait forever to let her know.

It’s a little crazy to be thinking that Raven and Clarke have been discussing him though, like two high-school teenagers while the end of the world is happening right outside - but crazier things have happened. Besides, there’s not a whole lot to do in this house only survive and take care of the babies. Not to mention that he and Clarke seem to have some bizarre connection that can’t be compared to or matched with anything Bellamy has ever experienced in his life.

‘I don’t think she has the time to be into me’ Bellamy brushes him off.

‘Not the last few days anyway with Madi being so sick’ Murphy gives him that. ‘But other than that…’ he wiggles his brows in suggestion and Bellamy bites his lip to stop a grin forming. ‘What? Not something you’d be interested in?’ Murphy forms a grin of his own.

‘There’d have to be something wrong with me not to be interested’ Bellamy lets the smirk come through.

He can’t lie - of course he’s fucking interested. Clarke is like oxygen, she’s a breath of fresh air in all of this pollution. She’s the line that keeps him hanging on, despite all the pain he’s endured and all the people he’s lost. She’s the missing piece that he didn’t know he was even without. Above all that, she’s become a confidant, someone to guide him and help him in this madness that their world has fallen into. He may want her physically, but it runs much deeper than that as well.

‘Well, we’ve apparently got nothing but time’ Murphy outstretches his arms as if to show him.

He’s right - it’s not like they have jobs to go to anymore or any other life commitments. Most of their days are uneventful, spent lounging around this house that’s like a mansion compared to the one Bellamy grew up in. Yet Murphy doesn’t plan or worry about their future, he just let’s Bellamy and Clarke take the lead and trusts them to guide them through. He doesn’t have that burden like they do so of course, idle time is just idle time for Murphy.

‘All the time in the world and Raven still hasn’t put the extra locks on the door like I asked her to do a week ago’ Bellamy takes a sip of his coffee as Murphy scoffs in agreement.

‘Think they’ve spent enough time gossiping in bed’ Murphy gets up, placing both his hands on either side of the doorframe as he leans out into the hallway. ‘Raven? Come on, duty calls.’

Silence greets him and Bellamy just rolls his eyes, smirking at the fact that the girls have probably fallen back asleep. Maybe if Clarke had spent more time in his arms this morning, she wouldn’t be as tired. He decides to remind her of that fact later when they’re alone.

‘Raven?’ Murphy calls louder, his voice echoing up the stairs. Bellamy looks up, furrowing his brow slightly when she doesn’t shout a sarcastic remark back to him from her room in true Raven Reyes fashion. Murphy looks at Bellamy, his face filled with just as much confusion as his own.

‘Clarke?’ Bellamy calls, getting up from his seat at the island. He rubs Madi’s head gently on his way around, who is still sleeping soundly beside Jordan.

‘Clarke?’ He tries again as he walks down the hallway, Murphy following close behind him. He rounds the stairs as Murphy opens the living room door, checking in on an empty room.

By the time he’s reached the landing, his heart is racing because why the hell aren’t they answering? Each door that he throws open upstairs reveals nothing but newspapered windows and lifeless rooms.

‘ _Clarke_!’ Bellamy yells. She can’t have just vanished into thin air. The panic in his eyes must be obvious when he returns downstairs because Murphy’s expression mirrors his instantly.

‘They would have told us if they were going on a supply run’ Murphy tells Bellamy as he checks the garage. The rover is still parked up and Bellamy opens the doors, unable to check if they’re inside because the windows are painted.

‘I’m starting to doubt that’ Bellamy’s chest feels like it could cave in. He’s pretty sure his complexion has paled and a burst of dizziness washes over his head. His mouth is completely dry and his mind is starting to fuzz.

_Fuck - what have they done?_

‘What do you mean?’

Bellamy barges out past Murphy and into the kitchen, pulling out the drawer that holds his gun. There’s no time to even think this through. He pops it into the back of his jeans and grabs the rover keys from the cabinet beside the bird cage. The birds flutter contently inside, blissfully unaware of anything when the creatures aren’t near. The babies are much the same, snoring softly from where Bellamy left them.

‘What are you doing?’ Murphy asks, watching his friend grabbing his blindfold and putting it around his neck.

‘Going after them’ he mutters as he makes for the garage door, unsure if he’s more angry or panicked right now because how could they be so fucking stupid?

‘ _Going after them_?’ Murphy chases after him, grabbing his arm before he can get further down the hall. ‘Hey, hey! They couldn’t have left? The rover is still here!’

‘They did leave’ Bellamy stops, shouting at Murphy because of the severe waves of adrenaline gushing through his whole body. Saying it out loud almost makes the panic worse. ‘They’re on foot.’

Murphy blanches, his mouth falling open in shock. Bellamy knows exactly how he’s feeling because _fuck_ , what were they thinking? What’s worse is they never told the boys what they were doing, probably knowing they wouldn’t have allowed it.

‘They’re not that stupid’ Murphy resigns, shaking his head. ‘Raven? Clarke?’ He looks up, shouting to the above floor like they’ve just somehow missed them up there.

‘ _We could do with searching for some medicine_ ’ Bellamy mumbles, barely audible and lost amongst Murphy’s echo.

‘What?’ Murphy furrows his brow.

‘That’s what Clarke said in bed the other night’ he remembers, not even bothering to correct his admission of them sleeping together when Murphy cocks his head at the statement. ‘That’s what they’re doing - looking for medicine.’

‘They’ve been planning it all week’ Murphy realises, recalling the hushed voices and secret conversations. There’s no doubt in Bellamy’s mind though that this was Clarke’s idea. He’s disappointed in Raven for going along with it though, he thought she was smarter than this.

 _Damn it_. They’re going to get themselves killed.

At that moment, a sound of breaks screeching outside gets their attention and both of their stares snap towards the front door. They can’t exactly peek out the window and check, but the sound of voices aren’t something to be mistaken. They’re laughing and cheering, clearly gloating about their ability to see and drive out there - but Bellamy knows why.

 _Carriers_.

‘Fuck’ Murphy breathes. Bellamy’s heart rate has only sped up - Clarke and Raven are out there, bad enough as that is, but now they have further danger to avoid. If those guys find them, they’ll take off their blindfolds. That’s if they’re not dead already.

Bellamy bolts, charging towards the front door without thought nor heed. Murphy is in front of him in a split second, shoving him backwards before he can reach the lock.

Again, without much thought behind the action, Bellamy lifts his gun and aims it directly at Murphy’s head. It's a snap reflex, but a necessary one in Bellamy's mind. He has to get out there. His friend’s eyes widen but not in fear - more of an ‘are you for fucking real?’ expression.

‘Move’ Bellamy grits out, panic and anxiety bubbling in his chest so much that it’s threatening to spill over any second.

‘You gonna shoot me, Bellamy?’ Murphy narrows his eyes at his oldest friend pointing a gun at him.

‘I will if I have to’ Bellamy hears himself say because all he can think of now is getting to Clarke. _He can’t lose her_.

‘You’re not thinking’ Murphy holds his hands up, trying to rationalise this with him.

‘Damn right I’m not, there’s no time. Now _move_!’

Bellamy doesn't think he will shoot Murphy. Not when it comes down to it, but it worries him how quickly he decided on this plan of action. It worries him how far he'd go for Clarke Griffin. He's worried about Raven too - of course he is, she's almost as close to him as Murphy is. Yet, he can't figure out why Clarke is his motive behind these reactions.

‘What are you gonna do, huh?’ Murphy yells and Bellamy’s jaw sets, eyes sharp on where he has the gun aimed. ‘I’m not moving so you’re gonna have to shoot me. Then what? You storm out of here like some knight in shining armour to save your Princess? Good idea. Except you can’t open your goddamn eyes!’ Murphy gestures. ‘That means you can’t see where those guys are, can’t check if they see you! That’s not to mention the fact that they’ll hear the gunshot and come in here anyway!’

Bellamy inhales through his nose, feeling his jaw tick in anger and frustration.

‘Even if those guys weren’t an issue here - you have no idea which way the girls have gone and you can’t open your eyes to look for them. You could all die out there. Not to mention you’re leaving the babies alone, vulnerable if anything or anyone comes through that door. Left to die if none of you come back!’

Bellamy swallows, eyes snapping with the sense that Murphy’s talking.

_Fuck - he’s right._

‘So get that gun out of my face, pull yourself together and make sure those guys out there don’t realise someone is in here.’

Slowly, Bellamy drops his gun in resignation that there is absolutely no winning on this. He needs to go out there, he needs to find Clarke and Raven but hell - how can he? Here he is once again, feeling utterly useless and not being able to protect the people that he loves.

He shoves his hand through his curls, blowing out a breath loudly through his mouth as he saunters into the living room. He overreacted in panic and will owe Murphy an apology later, but _fuck_ , right now all he can do is loathe himself for not recognising the signs of what Clarke was about to do.

Even if by some miracle, they made it to a place where there’s medicine and know how to get back to the house - which is admirable if they can do that practically blind - they now have to avoid those lunatics outside that want everyone to look at the creatures.

 _Damn it_ , what the hell possessed them to do this?

Bellamy sits on the couch and leans forward, covering his face with his hands as he chokes back the emotion that’s building behind those walls of his.

They could be dead already and now, Clarke will never know how he feels about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	9. Stress Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I included some Murven in this chapter. I ship them just as much as I ship Memori so I thought it would be a nice change of pace to include their relationship in this fic.  
> Anyway - please share, comment, leave kudos, heed the warnings and enjoy the chapter :)

‘Do you think they’ve noticed we’re gone yet?’ Raven wonders as they pull open kitchen cabinets and drawers, scavenging for essentials.

It’s the first house they’ve came to, down the block a little from their own place of solitude. Clarke imagines it was once a happy home, filled with love and special memories created by the family in the photos on the walls. Now, it lies empty, forgotten and abandoned - its residents probably claimed by the creatures. It’s not dated or ruined yet, not enough time has past since the world turned to chaos. There’s a faint line of dust on some of the shelves but other than that, it’s perfectly liveable.

When they first broke in, they kept their blindfolds on as they went around closing every single curtain in the place. It had been a hard task and Clarke made a mental note to practice more with their blindfolds, getting the feel of things without their sight because realistically, they’re going to have to do plenty of supply runs which requires them to have their eyes closed.

‘Hard to know’ Clarke replies, scanning the names of pill boxes before popping them into her bag. The soft darkness in the place requires her to squint a bit, but it’s not like they can open the curtains to let in any light.

The two of them made their escape at the crack of dawn, sneaking out through the garage so they wouldn’t be heard. Clarke has a key to get back in through the front door because thankfully, Raven hasn’t put the deadbolts on yet or installed the other locks. Maybe they could slip back in without worrying the boys at all.

‘They’re gonna be mad’ Raven flicks her dark ponytail over her shoulder, scooping things from drawers into her own bag. That’s a fact anyway - Bellamy is going to lose his mind if he realises what they did. Clarke couldn’t just do nothing though, couldn’t wait for one of the kids to get sick again without any medicine in the house. Besides, it gives them an opportunity to gather things they don’t have in their own place - clothes, extra food, tools.

Raven was hesitant to take part in the plan when Clarke suggested it, explaining that the whole thing is a massive pile of danger. Clarke knew Bellamy wouldn’t be happy about it and definitely wouldn’t allow it so she had to make Raven promise he wouldn’t know anything about her plan, which was even harder to get her to agree to.

Raven came around though when Clarke ran the line of finding new pieces of technology to her - pieces that could extend their radio scope and fix their communication problems. Really, it had just been a way to get Raven to help her out because she needed her sharp mind on this. It was on her if anything happened to the girl though and Clarke really only thought about it when they were halfway down the street.

It had taken a lot of planning and she thanked her lucky stars that she did include Raven in the mission because she was the one who suggested using string to find their way back home. It’s something Clarke didn’t even think of, that they’d travel so far and have no idea which way to go back. They had tied it to a tree outside their home and made their way to the first house they could find with the string wound around a fishing reel. There’s plenty of houses on this block and it only took five minutes to get to this one, but it was the longest five minutes of their lives.

Outside was so silent - like going out into a small neighbourhood at a dead hour. Except now, Clarke imagines that it’s what the entire town is like everyday - quiet. The eeriness fell over Clarke immediately, each step feeling too loud. They stumbled over objects that they couldn’t identify with their blindfolds on, a few feeling a little too heavy not to be bodies. Clarke’s heart belted from her chest, blood thumping her eardrums as she tried not to think about how vulnerable the both of them were in that moment.

 _Jesus_ , Bellamy would kill her himself if he could have seen her.

She feels bad over him more than anything - he trusted her, depended on her and treated her as an equal leader in this life they’ve found themselves in together - now she has betrayed him. She keeps justifying it to herself in a million different ways but it doesn't erase the guilt.

Clarke focused on Raven’s heavy breathing the entire way there until they felt the steps leading up to this house. For once, it felt like luck was on their side because there had been no sign of any creatures.

First, they needed to knock - in case anybody was hiding out in it but when no sound came from inside, they tested the door. It was sealed shut - another good sign. It meant nothing else would have been able to get in either. And now, here they are rummaging through this family’s stuff to try and make their own quality of life better. It felt so wrong but Clarke couldn’t go another day without the reassurance of some medication in their home. The scare with Madi was too real.

‘Not much antibiotics’ Clarke notes as she puts the last of the medicine drawer into her backpack. It just means they’ll have to keep checking houses until they find some more.

‘Not much technology, either’ Raven sighs, shoving another drawer closed. They’ve gotten as much out of the kitchen as they could - including more coffee which seemed like a stupid thing to be excited about when they found it. ‘More than we had this morning, though.’

‘Fair point’ Clarke nods before making her way upstairs with Raven on her heel.

The house is far from the luxurious home they’ve made for themselves in this apocalypse but it has items in it that Shumway’s house didn't supply - like clothes. Clarke packs some kids pants and sweaters into her bag, figuring they’ll come in handy when Madi and Jordan start getting bigger - but she can’t let herself think about the children that once owned them - are they lost to the creatures like everyone else that lived in this home?

The two girls work in silence, packing in some clothes for the boys as well. Clarke finds a pretty, salmon coloured sweater in the parents room and decides it would be nice to not be wearing the same old thing she has had on since the world went to shit. The thought of Bellamy admiring it on her slips all too easily through her mind and she wonders when that started to matter to her so much - when he started to matter to her that much. They could die at any moment and she’s here concerning herself over whether Bellamy will think she looks good in a stupid sweater.

_God, she’s so gone for him._

‘He’ll like it’ Raven comments, glancing at Clarke as she examines the sweater for longer than she intends.

‘What?’ Clarke shakes her head, a little startled by Raven’s comment and a little embarrassed that she read her mind.

‘Bellamy. He’ll like it on you.’

‘Why would I care about that?’ Clarke shoves it into her backpack hastily, eager to get rid of the thing that encouraged this conversation.

‘Come on’ Raven scoffs, folding a t-shirt so it will fit inside her own bag. ‘You don’t think I haven’t noticed where you’ve been sleeping?’

Clarke can feel the rush of heat to her cheeks and she quickly stands to scan a couple of books along a shelf, hiding how red her face has gotten from Raven.

‘It’s not what you think’ Clarke states and that, at least, is the truth. They’re not actually sleeping together, much to her disappointment. It never seems like the right moment to make a move and her mind is constantly pulled between wanting it and feeling guilty for it - it hasn’t been long since Echo and the others died and to be honest, they should be concerning themselves with a lot more important tasks than getting it on.

‘Mmhm’ Raven makes a knowing sound, smug like the smirk plastered on her face when Clarke checks. ‘You seem to be forgetting what I almost walked in on in the kitchen that time, too.’

Again, Clarke’s face reddens. She turns back around, reading the spines of the books. One catches her attention, pulling it away from her embarrassment of Raven knowing about whatever the hell her and Bellamy are. The Iliad.

Bellamy had told Clarke one night in bed that he used to read it to Octavia when she was young and how she loved every bit of it. She wouldn’t fall asleep until Bellamy had to physically turn off the light and tell her that it was enough for the night. Without much thought, she slips the book into her backpack for him.

‘It’s complicated’ she manages after a bout of silence. ‘It’s not really the right time with everything going on to be focusing on feelings and relationships.’

‘It’s never the right time’ Raven sighs, rooting through one of the drawers in the dresser. ‘There’s always something more important, even before the end of the world happened - career, study, family, friends, being young and not wanting to settle down, other people being with the person you like…’ she trails off, making Clarke’s brow twitch as she pieces some things together. She lets the silence sit between them for a few minutes before she broaches the subject with her.

‘How long have you liked Murphy?’ She asks casually, still examining the shelves of books. Raven doesn’t even bother to brush it off like Clarke had.

‘Hated him at first’ she hears Raven say from behind her. ‘He’s not exactly the most likeable person from the get go. You don’t see much of his asshole side right now because he’s grieving, but he’s always sarcastic and always likes to go against the grain - the amount of arguments we’ve had just because he wanted to defy me’ she scoffs and Clarke smirks, knowing enough about Raven to know that she’s probably rolling her eyes. ‘Next thing you know, we’re playing football in the hallway of Monty and Harper’s house and he’s telling me about this amazing girl he’s met. My heart is sinking and I can’t figure out why until I see them together for the first time.’

The smirk fades from Clarke’s expression, her eyes growing soft as she turns to look at her. Raven is on her knees, still sifting through the contents of the dresser but the look on her face is one Clarke recognises because she knows exactly how she feels.

‘You’d fallen for him somewhere along the way.’

Raven exhales a short puff of air through her nostrils, nodding her head and smirking in an effort to try and hide her pain.

‘Yep.’

‘And you never told him?’

‘He was with Emori - I left it too late. I didn’t realise it in time and to be honest, even if I had, I’m not sure I would have had the guts to say it’ Raven stands, brushing her jeans down to rid them of any dust. She fiddles with the blindfold around her neck, still not meeting Clarke’s eye.

‘It’s different now, though’ Clarke says because she figures it’s the only sensitive way of saying that this Emori girl is no longer here.

‘It’s like I said - it’s never the right time to tell the person you’re secretly in love with that you love them. He’s grieving for the love of his life, Clarke. I’m not about to complicate that even further.’

Clarke can’t really blame her, it’s part of the reason she has said nothing to Bellamy either. He’s grieving too and she’s not sure how much of that is devoted to Echo.

‘I’m sorry’ she says and truly means it - if nothing else, she knows how Raven feels. She nods in return, accepting the condolence like she understands that they share this mutual secret now. Both of them love someone and can’t find a way to tell them. Still, Clarke isn’t sure she’d be strong enough to watch Bellamy be in love with someone else - so kudos to Raven for doing that.

They’re downstairs before Raven speaks again, shattering the uneasy quiet along with them in the house.

‘Bellamy is a good person’ she meets Clarke’s eye when she turns around, watching her from the bottom step of the stairs. ‘Whatever happens, just don’t hurt him.’

Clarke bites her bottom lip, nodding sheepishly at Raven’s concern for Bellamy Blake. They all really love each other - that much is clear. She’s about to tell her that she has no intention of hurting Bellamy but the words catch in her throat because fuck, what if she already has? Sneaking out like that, putting their lives in danger once again and not trusting him with her plan - she knows that will hurt him.

Nothing else is said because a screech of breaks outside makes Clarke and Raven’s eyes dart towards the front door. Shouting and laughing erupts outside, just a few paces down from where they’re enclosed and Clarke is sure her stomach actually somersaults. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who’s out there.

 _Carriers_.

 

-

 

‘Clarke’ Raven snaps her out of her panic, causing her gaze to shift to the brunette still standing on the bottom step of the stairs. ‘The string.’

Clarke really didn’t think her stomach could fall any further until those two words fell from Raven’s lips. She hadn’t even thought of it - the string they used to find their way back home is taut against the porch outside, tied around the beam. It’s a direct line from the place they are now to their home so that means if the Carriers find Raven and Clarke, they find Murphy, the babies and Bellamy.

Clarke feels like she could be sick.

The doctor side of her activates immediately, the part of her that’s wired to think of every possible solution in a pressure situation. In this instance, Clarke’s eyes land on a scissors on the hallway table and she forms a plan quicker than she has time to assess the cons of it. It’s a move Bellamy would chastise her for but she’s thinking of him when she pulls her blindfold up to cover her eyes, gestures for Raven to do the same, carefully creaks the front door open and cuts off their way home with one swift click of the scissors.

The string falls flat to the ground which probably makes it less noticeable and the reel clinks off the porch below. She can hear the hum of the car engine much louder now along with the Carrier’s laughs and cheers and it scares her to death.

 _Fuck_ , they’re so close.

Clarke withdraws herself back inside in a quick second but she doesn’t remove her blindfold - in fact, she leaves the door a little ajar.

‘What are you doing?’ Raven hisses but Clarke doesn’t reply, she just reaches out and grabs Raven’s arm and feels her way to a little door underneath the stairs that she remembered was there.

Raven just follows Clarke’s instruction without asking any questions, blindly trusting her - literally. They clamber inside the small space, close the door behind them and wait. It’s cramped inside, their knees tucked up against their bodies and their chunky backpacks creating even less room for them. They don’t dare remove their blindfolds in case the worst happens and they let the silence encompass them.

‘They could have saw you’ Raven breathes, a faint whisper amongst the quiet. Again - Clarke didn’t weigh up the bad and good of her actions, she just thought of Bellamy and Murphy and the kids back at home.

She had to save them - _fuck_ , they put their whole household in danger with their little adventure this morning. If Bellamy knew what they had done…

‘The curtains are closed, it’s worth a check.’

Clarke’s breath freezes in her chest when she hears a voice at the front door, muffling through the house. Raven has stilled beside her too, breath held as they wait to hear more. The fear is buzzing in Clarke’s skin and sweat is collecting at her temple. All she can see is darkness, any light completely blocked by the sealed staircase door. It’s a small space, probably somewhere the Carriers wouldn’t think to check for people hiding.

However, Clarke finds it’s not them she’s worrying for - it’s Bellamy and the others. She just prays that they don’t notice the string on the porch which is definitely less obvious now since it’s not tied anymore or pulled tight and straight, yet it’s still a possibility to spot it.

‘Don’t know - the door is open.’

The sentence comes from another voice and Clarke realises there must be a few of them checking houses on the street for any sign of life. Her plan worked though - they’d never suspect a safe house for people trying to avoid the creatures to have an open door in it.

Both her and Raven sit in dead air, neither one of them even daring to breathe as the footsteps pass outside their hiding spot and into the kitchen.

‘Nah, empty’ the first voice says. ‘McCreary’s men might have killed the hiders - there are bodies on the front lawn.’

Clarke’s mouth is dry as she listens, her ears hyper-sensitive to each sound of movement. Bodies on the front lawn? The family who lived here didn’t even get far before they died.

She feels Raven’s hand come around hers, a comfort seeking coping mechanism, Clarke imagines. She closes her fingers around Raven’s hand, squeezing it hard to ground herself because maybe Clarke needs this more than she let herself realise.

‘Come on - move out. We’ll check back every three or four weeks for changes. We’ll know if there’s movement around the area then’ the second voice grows louder as he walks past the girls again and eventually, their footsteps and voices fade until they’re gone completely. They don’t close the door behind them though so it just means the girls will have to keep their blindfolds on indefinitely until they get back home.

Raven stirs, about to move but Clarke squeezes her hand again, signalling her to wait a bit longer. They have to be sure. The noise of a car skidding off down the street gives them a fair indication that the Carriers have gone, yet they still give themselves another ten minutes inside the staircase before they emerge.

Somehow, Raven finds the string outside after a few moments of scrambling for it. All Clarke’s calm and rationality are gone and she’s visibly shaking now as the adrenaline climbs through her once more - the panic releasing itself into her veins.

 _Damn it_ , she just wants to be back home.

She could almost cry when they reach the tree at the end of the string, both of them practically falling up the steps to the front door. Clarke drops the key twice from her shaking fingers but eventually, it slots into the lock and in one quick burst, they’re inside with the door banging closed behind them. Shoving their backpacks off, they both press their backs against the wood - panting heavily as the weight of what could have just happened falls on top of them. They hadn’t encountered the creatures at all but the near run in with the Carriers had been all too close.

Clarke reaches up to pull down her blindfold and the first sight that meets her is Bellamy Blake.

Her heart stops along with the breath in her chest because she instantly feels relief - pure and utter relief. She’s back, they’re safe and the reason behind the feeling is suddenly all too obvious. This place isn’t home to her - _he is_.

The second thing she feels is shame because the way he’s looking at her right now is more fear inducing than the creatures. He stands at the living room door, shoulder leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded in front of him like he’s been standing there all morning waiting for them. His brown eyes are sharp on her, anger and disappointment swirling inside them. His dark curls fall over his head in the messy, dishevelled way that they always look in the mornings and his gun is on the hallway table, loaded and ready to go.

Murphy is sitting on the stairs right in front of them with his hands held together, elbows resting on his knees. His eyes are locked on Raven but he addresses both of them when he speaks, an edge to his tone that Clarke has never heard before.

‘What the hell were you guys thinking?’

His voice is flat and quiet, like he’s not really asking a question at all but instead, accusing them of utter madness. Clarke moves her eyes back to Bellamy who hasn’t moved at all, still pinning her with his stare.

‘Murphy’ Raven pushes herself off the door slowly, voice soft and sorrowful. ‘We had to look for supplies.’

‘Have you lost your minds?’ Murphy pushes himself up too, standing now and looking much more intimidating than Clarke has ever seen him. ‘The two of you took off and didn’t even consider how much danger you were putting yourselves in!’

Clarke’s eyes fall shut, closing in defeat because he’s right. All she was thinking about was Madi and Jordan - there’s so much threat outside that she can’t protect them from, but she needs to be able to protect them from being sick. She’s a doctor, it’s what she does. She can’t feel that helpless again. She’s about to tell Murphy that this was her idea and not to blame Raven but he’s already started ranting at them.

‘A walking supply run? Run’s are dangerous enough in the goddamn rover!’ Murphy shouts now. ‘Didn’t you hear those guys outside? What would have happened if they had of seen you, huh? You could have led them right back to us - to the babies!’

That familiar feeling of crushing guilt washes over Clarke once more and automatically, she looks to Bellamy for comfort but she finds none there. His face is still murderous and she finds herself wishing that he’d just yell at her like Murphy is doing - at least she’d know what he was thinking.

‘Polis market doesn’t have everything we need. We thought that residential houses would -’ Raven tries but Murphy interrupts her.

‘You don’t get to decide that! The two of you aren’t the only people in this fucking house! We make decisions together, that’s what families do! You didn’t even think about the fucking risks, Raven!’

Clarke can’t look anywhere except Bellamy’s eyes, stuck to her like he hasn’t seen her in several years. It feels like a lifetime of Murphy and Raven exchanging arguments before Bellamy’s gaze finally shifts, beckoning Clarke in the direction of the laundry room. He straightens himself and without a word, walks by her with the expectation that she’ll follow him.

Clarke bites her bottom lip, looking sheepishly at Raven who just gives her a sympathetic look back. Even Murphy has fallen silent, his expression a little pitiful for Clarke even in the midst of all his anger. She takes a breath and pushes herself off the door, following Bellamy wordlessly into the laundry room. She gets a glimpse of Raven following Murphy into the kitchen before Bellamy closes the door, Raven shooting Clarke one more commiserative glare before they’re separated.

She feels like she’s a child, about to be scolded for something terrible she did. She leans back against the dryer, waiting for Bellamy to speak. He has one hand pressed against the wood of the white door where he pushed it closed, the other balled into a fist at his side like he’s trying to contain his emotions. Clarke feels like she should apologise, begin to explain the reason why she took such an enormous risk but the words won’t come to her.

Bellamy stares at the tiled floor below them for what seems like a lifetime but when he lifts his head and his brown eyes meet Clarke’s blue ones again, something has changed. The energy has shifted between them completely, become more charged and electrified. Clarke’s brow twitches in confusion, trying to read the situation here because he doesn’t look angry with her at all anymore.

Before she knows what’s happening, Bellamy moves and takes her face in his hands. His lips crash onto her own in a quick and desperate action and every single piece of breath that Clarke had left in her chest is gone. She knew she had _wanted_ to kiss Bellamy but now that it’s happening, she didn’t realise how badly she _needed_ it.

The time to take it slow has clearly come and gone, a missed opportunity that night in the kitchen thanks to Raven. This has more heat, more passion and more hunger. She feels his tongue against her lip and when she opens up to let him in, her stomach practically aches with want. Their need for one another builds quickly and it feels like a desperate rush to get their clothes off. Clarke’s jeans and t-shirt are gone before she has time to process it and her fingers move of their own accord, peeling Bellamy’s t-shirt off just as quick as he removed her clothes.

 _Fuck_ , she forgot how good he looks like this. She is no stranger to his incredible physique because most nights, he sleeps without a top on - but it’s still a thrill to touch his body freely now. She focuses on how good it feels to be here with him like this instead of thinking about what they're trying to ignore by doing this.

Clarke wishes she had something a little more sexy on in this moment rather than her ratty black bra that she’s had since forever. It’s old but comfortable and really, that’s all she was focusing on that day when she was going into Arkadia with her mother.

She remembers an amazing, red, Victoria’s Secret bra that she had in her old home that would be much more fitting, yet Clarke imagines Bellamy isn’t even paying attention - they’re that eager for one another that Clarke could have three legs at the moment and he wouldn’t notice.

The fervour of their kissing session isn’t enough anymore and whatever restraint Bellamy seemed to be weakly trying to hold just snaps. He heaves her up around his waist in one fluid motion and places her in a sitting position on the dryer, her legs wrapped around his waist. When he pulls back to remove her underwear, his pupils are blown black with longing.

It still bothers her that he hasn’t said a damn word and to be honest, she always would have pegged him for a talker when it came to sex. The thought is pushed from her mind though when his lips land onto her neck, extracting moans from her throat that she can’t control. When she grinds her core against the bulge in his jeans, he immediately reciprocates the noise.

 _Fuck_ \- she needs him, needs this just as much as he does. They both need to feel something real, something to prove that the two of them are right here in this moment - together.

Her hands run wild over his muscular arms and chest, letting herself indulge and relish in the feel of him like she had wanted to do so many times in bed. Their lips connect again and he presses himself flush against her front. Clarke’s arms wrap around his neck, pulling him into her more and more as his hands squeeze her thighs, working their way up to her ass.

More of her wants this to be slow and dragged out - for him to drop his head between her legs and make her come before he fucks her, for her to get a proper feel of the hard-on he’s had for her every night in bed together. She knows it’s not going to be like that, though. This is fuelled by adrenaline, relief, anger and emotion. The only thing she can take solace in is that he has obviously been as hungry for her as she has been for him all along.

He tastes sweet and intoxicating, addictive like a drug she wants to keep taking. He groans into her mouth, pulling her bottom lip between his teeth as he shucks his jeans down a little and lines himself up against her entrance.

Bellamy Blake sliding inside her is something euphoric. He’s big enough to cause a stretch, cause just enough pain to distract her from whatever they were just at odds about. Clarke had lost her virginity a long time ago and even though she wouldn’t be overly experienced with sex, he’s already the best she’s had.

The dryer shifts against the floor with the first snap of his hips and Clarke can’t help the moan that falls from her lips. It’s too loud - they don’t need Raven and Murphy knowing they aren’t exactly arguing in here, so she pushes her teeth against his shoulder to muffle the sounds of her pleasure.

It doesn’t take long for her to build, climbing higher and higher with each thrust. She digs her heels into his back, encouraging him to fuck her harder because she needs to come - needs him to come with her. Still, as much as she’s chasing the high, she doesn’t want this to end. The end means they will need to talk about what she did and she’ll have to look at that painful expression on his face again. Will he ever forgive her for endangering them all?

Just as Clarke falls over the edge, the guttural curse that comes from Bellamy’s lips tells her that he’s going with her.

It’s not until he’s panting against her neck, head resting against her temple that she thanks her lucky stars for her IUD. It won’t expire for another couple of years but she never even gave it a thought - and Bellamy never did either. It’s not like him to be reckless or to not even consider asking if she was on contraception, but the two of them were so far gone for one another that it didn’t even come into the equation.

The silence is palpable as their breathing returns to normal, and their sense along with it.

Bellamy slips out of her, pulling his boxers and jeans back up to cover himself. Clarke bites her bottom lip, hair messy and falling over one of her eyes as she watches him step back, rubbing his lip with his thumb as he stares at the ground once more. He can’t even meet her eye and she knows what he’s feeling without even asking - embarrassment.

His curls are more messy now, the dark colour suiting his complexion perfectly. The brown of his eyes are flickering, not coming up far enough to make contact with her face but instead, darting up and down her body like he keeps trying to reach her eyes and failing.

Clarke’s heart is thumping, from the exertion and from the anxious wait that lies before them right now. Is he going to lay into her right here, now that they’ve fucked their relief for each others safety out? Is he going to scream? Curse? Lecture her?

 _Fuck_ , she wishes he would.

The silence drags out between the two of them and Bellamy leans against the washer on the opposite side of her. Clarke’s bare legs dangle from her height on the dryer but she isn’t self conscious, despite being more naked than Bellamy right now - she’s too distracted by the look on his face for that.

He looks like he’s trying to figure out what to say, how to swallow back the obvious anger that’s swelling within him once more.

The quiet is starting to get too much though, thickening the air so much that Clarke finds it hard to swallow.

She doesn’t blame him for feeling so relieved when she came home that he had to have her there and then, she doesn’t blame him for letting it override his anger for a little while, she doesn’t blame him when he pulls on his t-shirt and walks out the laundry room door - leaving her there with the guilt in her chest.

She doesn’t blame him because this…

This is all on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	10. Forgiveness Is Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter and heed the warnings. LOVED your responses on the last one!

Raven is alone in the living room when Bellamy walks in, her head pressed into her hand as she leans against the arm of the couch. Her legs are tucked up under her and she’s fidgeting with the string on one of the couch cushions, a sure sign that her mind is going ninety miles a minute.

It’s bothering her that the whole house is at odds with one another. Murphy is out of the way at least. His sullen attitude with Raven may have seemed too harsh to her but Bellamy saw right through him - he was worried for her like Bellamy was worried for Clarke.

He’s upstairs now with the babies - it’s his turn tonight but Jordan is taking longer to settle than normal. Bellamy still hasn’t apologised for pulling his gun on him but really, it’s been the last thing on his mind.

He sits down on the armchair across from her, leaning forward so his forearms rest against his knees. He cups his hands together and drops his head, willing himself to stay calm for this conversation. He had spent the last six hours upstairs, cursing himself for how he handled their return.

He was so angry - is _still_ so fucking angry. Yet, for a brief few moments, he let his relief and appreciation for Clarke’s safety overthrow his sanity. The relief just overwhelmed the sense and logic section of his brain completely. Bellamy spent the entire time waiting for her to come back in pure and utter despair - he never got to tell her how he felt and he’d have had to live with that. So in absence of words in the laundry room came action - something to show her how much he wants her, how much he needs her.

The cloud had lifted very rapidly after they’d finished, the one that cloaked the rage he had been feeling while he fucked her. It was not the right way to handle that scenario - not the right way at all. He can’t seem to regret it though - he just wishes he could have taken his time with her, made her feel as good as he knows he can make her feel. But above all that, he wanted to tell her that he’s fallen for her before anything else. She deserved to know what was driving him to want her like that but all that seemed to be driving him in the laundry room had been adrenaline, emotion and relief.

The ‘making love’ plan that he dreamt about time and time again vanished and an eager fuck replaced it. Not that Clarke complained but damn, Bellamy wishes he did it differently if it was going to happen at all.

Raven waits, just as Clarke had done, for him to speak and the silence stretches for a bit before he does.

‘Explain to me how she convinced you to do that.’

It’s a simple statement, but one that apparently shocks Raven completely. When he looks up to meet her eyes, they’re blinking in confusion.

‘How do you know it wasn’t my idea?’

‘Because it has Clarke Griffin written all over it’ Bellamy straightens himself, tilting his chin up in complete confidence at this. Raven sighs, running her hand through her hair which is still tied up in a ponytail. She pulls out a few tendrils on her way but it must do something to steady her.

‘She told me we might find technology - which we need. We need to get the communication lines open for any survivors, we can’t be the only ones. They might know how to fight this, how to survive better than our ideas.’

‘At any point, did you even stop to consider how stupid that was? How dangerous?’ Bellamy keeps his tone even but the anger leaks through it anyway. ‘Did you even hear the Carriers that pulled up outside?’

Raven doesn’t answer him but Bellamy knows her too long, knows her tells too well to understand that there’s something she’s holding back from him. Her eyes drop, gaze shifting from him to the floor and considering Raven Reyes never has any problem with eye contact, it’s a dead giveaway. She also bites the inside of her cheek as if she’s trying to stop her tongue from explaining what she’s thinking.

‘What?’ Bellamy deadpans because he knows there’s something. Raven clears her throat a little as if to gain courage from it and flicks her eyes up to meet Bellamy’s again as she speaks.

‘We…um. They came into the house we were in.’

Bellamy’s breathing slows to a stop and a faint ring comes into his ears. He’s pretty sure his complexion just paled at the confession too. Logically, he knows they’re no longer in danger but his mind is running wild at the thoughts of what could have happened.

‘Explain’ Bellamy says through gritted teeth, eyes sharp on the girl in front of him. It unnerves Raven and it’s something he’s never witnessed before with her, then again, she was never on the wrong side of him.

‘We were just finished, about to head home when we heard them outside’ she says softly, cautiously like one wrong word could set Bellamy off. ‘We had a string pulled tight around a tree outside here and it ended at the porch of the house, so…’

'So it was a map to us’ Bellamy finishes for her. ‘To the babies.’

Raven nods, snapping her eyes shut in what Bellamy assumes is guilt. The familiar swell of anger is building in him and he’s not sure how long he can keep a lid on it - his sister always told him that his temper was his worst flaw.

‘You idiots’ he breathes. ‘It’s so out of place out there that it’s a miracle the Carriers didn’t see it. You might as well have posted a sign outside that reads ‘ _Survivors Living Here_ ’, Raven.’

‘They didn’t see it because Clarke cut it’ Raven corrects him and Bellamy raises his head, his mouth opening into a shock induced smirk. _Of course she fucking did_.

‘She opened the door’ Bellamy states more than asks, the smirk of disbelief still plastered on his face. Raven at least has the decency to look sheepish when she nods. ‘When the Carriers were outside?’ Raven nods at this too, obviously afraid to even say one more word in case it incriminates them further. Bellamy shakes his head, exhaling through his nose in utter anger. ‘They could have seen her’ Bellamy bites his bottom lip, digging his teeth into it to stop himself from shouting.

‘I know.’

‘You mightn’t have found that string again.’

‘I know.’

‘You might never have come home.’

That realisation hits him harder than anything else. He knew it was a possibility when they were gone but _shit_ , having it confirmed out loud is too much.

Fuck, he could have lost her today.

‘I’m sorry, Bellamy’ Raven says, sure of herself in that sentence at least. ‘We hid in this closet space under the stairs after that. They didn’t check the house that much because Clarke left the door open.’

Clever girl. Clever, but so unbelievably stupid at the same time.

‘We were fine. They didn’t even suspect someone might be hiding in the house and…’

‘BUT THEY COULD HAVE!’ Bellamy stands, his yell reverberating around the house. It leaves a deafening silence in it’s wake and Raven’s mouth has snapped closed, eyes wide as she stares at him. It’s what they don’t seem to grasp - how close they were to dying today, to getting them all killed - including the babies.

He storms out of the room after that, unable for this conversation any longer. He knew he’d have to talk to the girls at some point but clearly, that point isn’t now.

 

-

 

It’s another hour before Bellamy calms down enough to call a family meeting.

They’ve only had a few of these in their lives, the last one being when Harper and Monty gathered everyone to tell them that they were expecting Jordan. It had been a much happier meeting with a lot more members present than now.

Raven is sitting in the same position on the couch as Bellamy left her, still fidgeting with the cushion strings. Murphy enters the living room a few moments later after retrieving Clarke from her bedroom and Bellamy automatically glances to the floor, unable to meet her eye. Whether that’s from their laundry room encounter or his anger, he can’t quite tell.

‘Are the babies settled?’ Bellamy asks, a husk to his voice that he’s not accustomed to.

‘Yeah, probably down for the night’ Murphy answers as he sits down, keeping a notable distance between himself and Raven on the couch. Clarke sits on the arm and crosses her legs but Bellamy still won’t look at her, won’t check her face to see her expression. His heart pounds a little harder now that she’s in the room and an echo of her moan fills his ear, a reminder of how good it felt to finally kiss her and touch her.

He shakes himself - there’s important things to be said.

Bellamy is silent for a moment while he gathers himself and collects his confidence to deliver his rules in a clear manner. The air is thick in the room and a soft darkness falls around the place. The windows are papered, like always, but they’ve gotten into a habit of keeping the lights low so as not to be seen from the street. Bellamy takes a breath and when his voice comes out, it’s deep and weighs a tonne with the words that he speaks.

‘What happened today will never happen again.’

He gives them a second for that to sink in and he reckons that his anger must be protruding out of him because nobody questions him initially.

‘It was _beyond_ reckless’ he continues, glancing up now and meeting Clarke’s eye dead on like his words are fuelling the conviction. She’s watching him, her expression unreadable. Her eyes remind Bellamy of being so close with her earlier but he can’t focus on that now. ‘You could have been killed but above all that, you could have gotten the rest of us killed as well.’

‘I’ll say’ Murphy mutters but Bellamy closes his eyes, choosing to ignore the dig.

‘From now on, supply runs will be spoken about beforehand, with _all_ of us’ he looks at Clarke again, arching his eyebrows as if daring her to challenge him on this because she won’t win. ‘And they will all be done in the rover.’

‘We’ll find important supplies if we scavenge in residential houses. Those runs can only be done on foot’ Clarke says simply, her voice even and emotionless. Bellamy can practically feel the waves of vexation building in his veins.

Is she serious? After their close call today?

‘Clarke’ he grits out through his teeth. ‘This is not up for discussion.’

‘The hell it’s not’ she half laughs. ‘This is not a dictatorship. We all get a say.’

‘Really? Then where the hell was _my_ say this morning?!’ Bellamy roars, unable to keep a lid on his temper any longer.

Raven winces at the noise and Murphy bites his bottom lip, staring at the floor as if to make himself more absent from the argument. Clarke merely sets her jaw, cocking her chin up like she’s ready to defy him again. Yet, her eyes tell a different story. She doesn’t like him yelling at her and she knows he’s right.

‘You planned this for God knows how long, got up from our bed at the crack of dawn and left this house to face those things outside!’ Bellamy continues shouting. ‘You didn’t even consider the risks, Clarke. Those people could have found you hiding in that closet!’ Clarke’s eyes shift down to Raven, now aware that she’s filled Bellamy in on their adventure.

‘They could have followed your guidance string home here and found us, found Madi and Jordan. Do you even care about that?’ He pushes, watching the fight leave her more and more with each guilt crushing realisation. She doesn’t answer him, doesn’t even meet his glare anymore.

‘This is not a dictatorship, you’re right’ he shifts his weight from one leg to the other. ‘This is a family. And in a family, we think of everyone.’

‘I was thinking of everyone’ she says quietly. ‘I am not watching those children die from something that could be treated with medication.’

‘You won’t have to’ Bellamy lowers his voice and it’s so steady that it even unnerves him. ‘Because if you pull what you did today again and something goes wrong, you’ll get to watch them die from the creatures.’

This fact falls like a heavy blanket over them all and the silence is deafening. Clarke’s eyes have begun to water and Bellamy’s heart, despite the anger in it, pinches a little. He doesn’t want to hurt her, but if that’s what’s going to keep them all safe, including her, then he’s not sorry about it.

‘I let Harper and Jasper convince me to let Cage stay’ he says evenly, an undertone of sadness to the statement. They’re all watching him after that, the mention of their two deceased friends too heartbreaking to ignore. ‘They talked me round, made me go against my gut. So if you think that’s going to happen again, you’re wrong. I won’t let anyone else die for that mistake.’

Tears are falling from both the girls eyes now - that hit a nerve. Maybe enough of one for them to never risk anything like that again.

'The only way we're gonna survive this is together and I'm not going to repeat myself again.'

Bellamy leaves the room after that, grabbing a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet in the kitchen because he needs something to take the edge off. As the amber liquid seeps into the glass, he can’t help but think of Jasper. That brings thoughts of Harper, Emori, Monty and Echo - he’s lost too many of them to be lenient here.

Nothing good can come from walking supply runs - nothing only death.

 

-

 

Raven has retreated to bed by the time Bellamy has finished his second glass. He’s sitting on the kitchen couch, head in his hand as he sips the third glass of whiskey. This will run out soon too but hopefully, nothing else will happen like this and he won’t crave the numb feeling that comes from the drink.

The kitchen lighting is dimmed, like everywhere else at this time of night, but Bellamy’s eyes have grown used to it. In fact, it’s making him tired. He rubs his eyes with his two fingers, pinching the corners in order to make himself more alert. He doesn’t feel like sleeping yet, doesn’t feel like being upstairs in the bed without Clarke.

The door beside him is open, as is the living rooms, so when Clarke and Murphy start to talk - Bellamy hears every word. It’s the first conversation in the house since Bellamy yelled and the voices seem weird in the silence of the house.

‘I didn’t mean to put you guys in danger’ Clarke mumbles, her voice containing a soft hum from its distance in the other room. Murphy is quiet in his reply for a minute, clearly deciding on the best route to go with it. In true Murphy fashion though, he settles on humour and sarcasm as his default setting when having deep and meaningful conversations.

‘I was more in danger than Bellamy. He’s just being dramatic.’

‘What do you mean?’

Murphy laughs a little at this, sighing audibly before answering.

‘When we heard those guys outside, Bellamy was ready to charge out there with his shield drawn. I stood in his way, trying to reason with him as best I could but he pulled his gun on me.’

‘He did what?’ Clarke says, her voice full of disbelief and Bellamy snaps his eyes shut. The guilt of that moment will haunt him forever. He grips his glass tighter, taking a long swing from the burning alcohol inside it and stares ahead at a spot on the table in front of him. He can’t exactly forbid Murphy from telling Clarke what he did.

‘Yep’ Murphy chuckles, clearly finding it amusing. ‘Right here’. He must gesture to his forehead to show Clarke what he did. ‘Never seen him look like that, so determined. For a second, I thought he was actually going to shoot me so he could get to you.’

Clarke is silent and without being able to see her facial expression, Bellamy is clueless as to what she thinks of that.

‘It was the babies that stopped him. Knowing they’d be left here alone and defenceless - otherwise, I’d imagine he would have gone after you.’

Clarke doesn’t respond to that and Bellamy bites the inside of his cheek, more than eager to know what she’s thinking.

'Losing you - you didn't see what it did to him. That's why he's so angry, so upset with you guys for not even thinking about us, for not trusting us. It was a selfish decision.'

With everything that's changed, they can't say Murphy's blunt nature has gone as well. Bellamy is glad he said it though, glad someone else agrees with him on this. He hears Murphy getting up after that, bidding Clarke goodnight and then his footsteps are bouncing off the hardwood stairs. It’s not until his door shuts upstairs that the hairs on Bellamy’s neck stand up.

The silence that falls over the house again is almost unbearable and he knows that it's because he’s alone downstairs with Clarke - alone since their reunion this morning.

It’s few minutes before there’s any sound again but when it reintroduces itself, it’s in the form of Clarke’s footsteps this time. Bellamy sees her out of his peripheral vision as she comes into the kitchen. She waits at the doorframe for him to look at her but he can’t. He keeps looking forward and takes another drink of his whiskey, sucking his teeth afterwards to distract himself from the burning down his oesophagus.

‘Bell’ she whispers and well _fuck_ , if his heart doesn’t cave in at that, it’s a miracle. It’s not the way her voice cracks that gets him, nor the way emotion leaks out of the word. It’s the fact that it’s what his sister used to call him, a nickname long forgotten because he can barely remember what Octavia’s voice sounds like anymore. ‘Bellamy, can we talk?’

He shrugs in response, doesn’t trust his voice to remain steady if he were to speak. She comes around and sits on the couch in front of him, almost like where they sat that night when he asked her to dance. Upon coming into view, Bellamy can’t help but be completely floored at how beautiful she is. It’s unfair, really. He sees her constantly, yet her natural appearance strikes him every time he sets eyes on her - even when he's beyond angry.

The blonde of her hair reminds him of summer for some reason, something he’ll never be able to see again. It smells like it too which he knows from too many nights spent with it in his face. She tends to twist and turn at night and Bellamy can only mould his body to suit her position, which most of the time ends up with him breathing in the lavender scent of her curls.

Her deep blue eyes knock him for six every goddamn time, too. And right now, they hold emotion in them that’s threatening to spill over.

‘I know what we did this morning was wrong and dangerous’ she begins and the indignant tone she held earlier is gone from her words. ‘I’m sorry.’

He expects an excuse or a ‘but’ to come after that but instead, she just stares at him and waits for a response. He nods once, unable to do anything more because _fuck_ \- his whole insides are just a turmoil of panic, worry, sadness and anger.

‘We should have talked with you guys about it. I should have trusted you, like always.’

He closes his eyes at that. _God_ , there’s so much he wants to say but he can’t seem to articulate anything. She’s leaning forward, her hands cupped tightly in front of her like she’s nervous - nervous he won’t forgive her?

‘Bellamy, please’ her voice cracks again and he can barely handle it. ‘I need you. And you’re right, the only way we’re going to survive this is together.’

He’s quiet for a moment more, studying Clarke with intensity as he tries very hard to understand what was going through her mind to do what she did.

He knows it wasn’t out of malice, he knows she didn’t mean to worry them or put them in danger. She was just thinking of the babies, even if she didn’t think of the whole picture. Maybe Bellamy could have dealt with this whole thing differently - maybe if he worked with her like he’s so fond of harping on about, they would be able to do walking supply runs more safely. They could figure something out.

 _God_ , they’ve all behaved irrationally today.

‘Together’ he breathes eventually and the word makes Clarke’s eyes snap up to his, relief flooding them that he’s finally spoken to her in a calm tone. She’s quiet for a minute, both of them waiting for each other to say something else, do something, react in a certain way. After what seems like forever, Clarke is the one to speak first.

‘I’m sorry’ her voice breaks again on her second apology and _Jesus_ , every time it does that makes his chest cave in. ‘I’m sorry for leaving. But I knew I could, because they had you.’

 _Fuck_.

Clarke breaks down after that, dropping her head in an effort to hide her face from him but his heart crumbles anyway. He clenches his jaw to stop himself from crying too but the emotion is bulging against his eyes like water trying to burst out through a brick wall.

Bellamy places his glass on the table and moves so he can get down on his hunkers in front of Clarke, taking her arm on the way down. The look in her eyes is enough to break his heart further and enough to bring tears to his own now. He knows they’re glassy by the time he starts to talk.

‘I’m sorry, too’ he whispers. ‘I lost my mind when I thought I lost you.’

He’s pouring every bit of himself into that apology and meaning everything by it - an apology for yelling, for pointing a gun at Murphy, for behaving so spontaneously when she returned, for not listening to her and more importantly, for not trusting her either. He should have known she’d come through.

The pull between them is too strong and suddenly, it isn’t enough to just be caressing her arm with his thumb, he needs her.

He stands and outstretches his hand to her as if to invite her to come with him. Again, he’s reminded of the night they danced by this exact move. _God_ , every time he looks back on moments like that, he’s reminded how easy they had it - even when they thought it was hard.

Clarke lifts her eyes to him as she considers him. She takes his hand not a second later and Bellamy wastes no time in pulling her into an embrace. The smell of lavender fills his nostrils once more as he tucks his nose into the side of her neck, squeezing her tight against him.

‘We’ll figure something out’ she tells him, her tears landing on his t-shirt.

‘Can we figure it out tomorrow?’ He asks, muffled against her skin. He’s so exhausted after today - exhausted from the worry, the anger, the hurt, the love.

Clarke presses a kiss to the crook of his neck, sending shivers shooting through his whole body. She sounds like a weight has been lifted from her when she answers him.

‘Whenever you’re ready.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	11. Whisper Me A Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's this weeks update and for those of you who are reading both this fic and my other Bellarke WIP '[Waste It on Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17874863/chapters/42188825)' - a special thank you to you guys for your time.  
> Heed the warnings and enjoy.

The rain is beating off the windows come morning and other than the sound of the dreary day outside, the house is quiet when Clarke wakes up.

She’s cuddled into the crook of Bellamy’s arm, her back to his bare chest and the first thing she relishes in is how warm she is. She’s so comfortable, shrouded in his protective arms and scent. _God_ \- this must be what heaven is like.

Their bedroom - which yes, has now become ‘ _theirs_ ’ - is soft in the morning light, although slightly duller than normal given the weather outside. The babies are in Murphy’s room and by the sounds of it, nobody else is awake yet. It was late when they retreated to bed last night but everyone seems to be in the same boat - sleeping in. The exhaustion of yesterday clearly took its toll on them all.

Clarke is glad that she and Bellamy seemed to make things right, though. She doesn’t think she could have taken going to bed without him last night. They haven’t ironed everything out and they certainly haven’t spoken about their sexual antics in the laundry room, but at least he can look at her now without flinching in anger.

He stirs lazily behind her, not fully awake yet because his breathing is still even. Clarke turns in his arms a little, enough to see his beautiful face. His complexion is dark against her own, freckles dusting his nose and cheeks. She knows, even though they’re closed right now, that his eyes are so intoxicating to the point where she gets lost in them too easily. The dark mess of curls are worse in the mornings, each strand falling in a different direction from the next.

She smiles because _fuck_ , he’s incredible and even though this apocalypse has brought misery and loss to her life, it’s also brought him - this ray of light to cut through the darkness. It warms her heart to think of how deep he is, how much he cares for everyone and how far he goes to protect them all - even if it’s something that can be seen as a flaw during situations like yesterday. It’s still something she loves about him.

As if he hears her thoughts, those long lashes of his flicker open and she’s met with the brightness of his eyes. The corners of his lips turn up into a smile, lazy and happy in this early hour.

‘Hey, Princess’ he says, his voice groggy and hoarse.

‘I love you.’

It’s out of Clarke’s mouth before she can catch it, the three words she’s been holding onto so tightly. Her eyes widen slightly upon realising her error, watching his expression almost mirror her own. He’s just as shocked.

 _Fuck_ \- she shouldn’t have said anything.

They don’t know each other that long and they could die at any minute so love really isn’t something to be focusing on here. Plus, he hardly reciprocates those feelings so what was the point in telling him? It was like word vomit though, she couldn’t help it. Maybe it was yesterdays close call or maybe it was that they took their relationship to the next level in the laundry room, or maybe it was that she couldn’t stare at him any fucking longer and not say it because she wants to scream it to the high heavens every time she meets his gaze.

All the same, she thinks about correcting herself and her eyes dart across his features as she tries to come up with a cover, something to play it off but she’s interrupted by Bellamy’s lips crashing into hers.

His hands cup her face, like he’s terrified she’ll disappear somehow and the way his lips move against hers makes the entire room spin. He finally lets her up for air, resting his forehead against hers with his eyes still closed. When they open, he stares into her blue ones with such an intensity that Clarke’s throat goes dry. Her heart is pounding and the hairs on the back of her neck are standing up, sending a rush of heat and tingles down her spine.

‘I love you too’ he whispers. The relief pours over Clarke like a cold shower and her eyes fall shut. Her entire body feels boneless. ‘You make every day worth living and to be honest, I don’t even know what my life was until I met you.’

She flicks her eyes open to meet his gaze once more. How does someone this perfect love her?

She can’t respond, can’t find the words because her breath is gone from his. He closes the space between them and this time, when their lips meet, it’s softer and less urgent.

Bellamy takes his time, kissing her like they have forever together - and maybe they do. He obviously has no intention of taking it any further but _fuck_ , Clarke does. She’s already craving him and yesterday wasn’t enough to satiate her urges. It might have been a reunion reaction, a quick fuck to celebrate that both of them were together again but this morning - Clarke wants him when they’re not celebrating anything but the fact that both of them have fallen for each other.

He gets the picture when she nips his bottom lip and he groans into her mouth, a reaction that she assumes he had no control over. Their kisses heat up after that and by the time Bellamy has her undressed, Clarke is practically panting with want.

‘You sure about this?’ He asks between kisses. Clarke makes some noise to assure him that she’s absolutely great with it but all the same, he pulls back. ‘Its just yesterday - I didn’t…’ he runs his fingers through his messy curls. ‘I didn’t even ask…’

‘Bellamy’ Clarke half smirks. ‘You’re cute, but shut up and fuck me.’

Bellamy grins, coming back down to meet her lips. He clearly feels bad over yesterday but he’s thinking about it too much - Clarke wanted it just as much as he did and he shouldn’t feel bad over how it happened for the first time. He traces kisses down her neck, gently sucking at the skin at her shoulder, down her collarbones and it’s not until he gets to her breasts that he pauses. He takes his time there, riling her up even more if that’s possible. He massages the weight of her in his hand as he takes her nipple into his mouth, pulling guttural noises out of her throat.

She forgets that there’s horrid creatures outside waiting to make them kill themselves, forgets about the Carriers, forgets about the worry of how they’re going to keep everyone alive and just focuses on the way Bellamy Blake makes her feel.

By the time he’s reached her clit, Clarke is writhing under his body. She needs him.

‘Bellamy, just fuck me’ she begs, not able to wait for the sensation of him inside her again.

‘Patience, Princess’ he tuts at her. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.’

With that, he draws patterns on her sex with his tongue, lapping her closer and closer to orgasm. When she falls over the edge, she moans so loud that Bellamy’s hand comes up and closes over her mouth. The action is arousing in itself but Clarke knows the reason - she seems to have forgotten that they’re not alone in this house.

He gives her no time to balance out - or maybe he just can’t wait any longer either. He’s lined himself up at her entrance, giving her a second to catch her breath. She desperately wants to blow him but right now, she’s still seeing stars.

‘Bit late now after yesterday but do I need to pull out?’

‘No’ Clarke manages. ‘Covered’ she makes an ‘okay’ action with her fingers and then he’s pushing into her, filling her as divinely as he did yesterday. She can’t help but watch his face over her, can’t help but watch how his eyes fall shut at the sensation and how his mouth falls open in pleasure. The sight is enough to make her even wetter than she already is.

‘Jesus, Clarke’ he says in that low voice of his that makes something tug low in her stomach.

His movements increase in speed and all Clarke can do is urge him on, beg him to fuck her harder and moan from absolute bliss. The bed is starting to creak but all sense and reason to care is gone, which seems to be a common occurrence in anything got to do with Bellamy and Clarke. She feels that familiar rise build inside her once more and Bellamy must sense it because he changes his angle, moves in order to fuck her deeper and once he hits that spot inside her, Clarke is gone. As her second orgasm of the morning tears through her, Bellamy’s own one hits as well.

She can’t wait to sit on top of him and watch what his face looks like when he comes but Clarke can barely open her eyes right now to see it, no matter how much she wants to. Their position afterwards is much like their one before, Bellamy resting his head against Clarke’s forehead as they pant for air, content in their love bubble now that all has been revealed.

‘I love you’ he tells her and she smiles - shit, she’ll never get tired of hearing him say that.

‘I love you’ she repeats back to him, opening her eyes to meet his ones. He’s looking at her with such care and softness that it almost breaks her heart. He falls onto the bed beside her and she automatically fits back in underneath his arm.

They lie in quiet together for a few minutes, listening to movement downstairs. Sounds like the others are awake.

‘Oh’ Clarke remembers, climbing out of bed. She immediately misses the contact but she roots through her bag from yesterday which she’s placed at the end of the bed.

‘What are you doing?’ Bellamy asks but Clarke can hear the smile in his voice. She clambers back onto the bed, pulling the covers up around them as she hands him the book she found for him yesterday. _The Iliad._

Bellamy studies the cover and Clarke studies him - watching his expression grow with nostalgia and a little bit of sadness. She didn’t want to upset him but she should have known it would remind him of his sister. God, maybe she should have just left it there.

‘I know you said you used to read it to Octavia. I’m sorry, I just thought…’

‘Thank you’ he whispers, turning his face to look at her. His eyes are glassy but full of adoration for Clarke in that moment. He leans in and kisses her softly. ‘You’re perfect.’

A shy smile erupts onto Clarke’s face and she ducks her head. She’s so gone for him, he’ll be the end of her. He lifts his arm up for her to slot back inside it, against his bare chest once more. He opens the first page of the book and begins to read, although Clarke thinks he probably knows the book off by heart at this point.

They lie there for ages and Clarke is hypnotised by the sound of his voice, high from their morning and how perfect he makes moments like this. She loves him and he loves her.

 _Fuck,_ if she were to die today - at least she’d die outrageously happy.

 

-

 

Clarke pops a forkful of egg into her mouth, sure her happiness is leaking out of her every pore. Raven cocks an eyebrow at her from her position at the opposite side of the island, twirling her fork by her ear as she watches her.

‘What?’ Clarke smiles, not even able to conceal it.

‘Nothing’ Raven smirks back. ‘Just wondering what has you so upbeat this morning.’

The birds sing in their cage, hopping around the bars inside as they admire themselves in their little mirrors. It almost adds to the ironic mood around the kitchen. It seems like such a Disney movie cliche where birds are heard in the trees as the sun shines and everybody is sickeningly happy.

‘Slept well’ Clarke shrugs. ‘And Bellamy and I made up, so there’s that.’

‘Well, if you and Blake could ‘make up’ a little quieter next time, the rest of us would appreciate it’ Raven raises her eyebrows with her smirk still plastered all over her expression. The blush rises to Clarke’s cheeks rapidly because shit, she didn’t think they heard. Although she shouldn’t be too surprised, they weren’t exactly trying very hard to be quiet near the end.

Raven picks up her plate to carry it to the sink, giving Clarke a knowing look as she walks away. She’s dying to laugh and Clarke knows it so when Clarke giggles first, Raven follows soon after as she reaches the sink.

‘Lucky you’ she winks as she leaves the room. Yeah - lucky her.

When Clarke joins them all in the living room a few minutes later, Madi is drinking a bottle in Murphy’s arms. Raven is fiddling around with a radio and Jordan is snuggled into Bellamy’s chest. He meets her eye when she comes in, smiling immediately. Shivers shoot down Clarke’s spine and she has to shake herself - their bubble time is over for now.

‘Okay, so - supply runs’ she gets down to it, sitting down in the armchair which faces them all.

They take turns giving their opinions, pointing out dangerous aspects and coming up with solid plans on how they’re going to pull them off each time. Raven tells the boys about what the Carrier’s said, about how they’ll check for changes every three to four weeks. That means if they raid a house, nothing is to look out of place - nothing to alert the Carrier’s to the suspicion that people might still be alive in the neighbourhood.

At least now that they can keep track of when the areas will be scanned by the Carrier’s, they can prepare for what weeks will be safe for supply runs - both in the rover and on foot. They can have the house prepared too, no sign of life at all during those weeks. No electricity - if they have any at that point and no loud noises.

Even Bellamy, who isn’t overly thrilled at the concept of going out at all, seems to be on board more than he was last night. He just needed some solid reassurance that the Carrier’s wouldn’t see them. Now, the only obstacle standing in their way is the creatures and really, they can’t hurt them.

The creatures have no power as long as the members of the house have their blindfolds on. No power at all.

 

-

 

A week comes and goes.

A week of fucking Bellamy Blake senseless at night and waking up in utter paradise the next morning. A week of lazing around their house, dividing up the clothes from their supply run and relishing in coffee and other luxury items that they scavenged. A week of caring for the babies, exchanging stories and growing closer to one another as a family.

This morning, though, their week of bliss is over.

Bellamy and Clarke are preparing for another supply run. They only get one more after this one before they can expect the Carrier’s back and they might use that one for the rover. This one requires walking though so they slot empty backpacks onto their shoulders and tie their blindfolds tight before slipping out through the garage door. Raven has installed the extra locks on the front door, meaning if they want to get back inside, Raven or Murphy will have to let them in.

Outside is quiet, just like last time, and the feeling of fresh air and sun on her skin is almost foreign at this point. They’re going the opposite way for this one, trying to locate the nearest house that way.

Clarke hears every footstep, listens for Bellamy’s even more. He holds her hand and she focuses on the warmth there. She knows he has his gun tucked into the back of his pants, so at least that’s something. If they run into the creatures though, Clarke isn’t sure a gun will work on them. They don’t even know what they are - a physical being? A ghostly one?

The creatures have taken everything - their blue skies, their plans, their loved ones - but they will not take him. All they can do is survive, but at least they can do it together.

‘You okay?’ She hears him ask. It’s too quiet.

‘I don’t know’ she breathes, gripping his hand a little tighter. She can hear him running the fishing string behind them, once again tied to the tree in front of the house so they can find their way home. Her blindfold feels tight against her skin but it needs to be - it can’t come off or fall down. ‘Something feels wrong.’

‘It didn’t feel like this last time?’

She knows he finds this nerve-wracking - they’re too exposed out here in the open like this. Still, it didn’t feel like this last time. Maybe her and Raven were too focused on how they were going to pull this off - too focused on being back before the boys found out. They were nervous, sure, but she wasn’t on edge like this. There’s a loaded silence surrounding them, like something is just waiting to pounce.

‘We should have brought the birds’ Clarke sighs, annoyed at herself for not thinking of it. They would have alerted them to any sign of the creatures. ‘They can’t hurt us’ Clarke mutters under her breath, more to herself but Bellamy hears it anyway.

‘They can’t remove our blindfolds’ he gives her hand a reassuring squeeze as they step further and further away from their home.

Clarke feels a little more at ease with that and before she knows it, they’re wrapping the fishing string around a porch beam of their chosen raiding home. They follow the plans they’ve set out for house raids - one, knock and announce their intention to come in, in case anyone is hiding out in the home. Two, pick the lock with a hairpin so that they aren’t breaking in each time, something that would surely notify the Carrier’s of survivors in the area. Three, once inside, close the door behind them and make sure all curtains are pulled, shielding themselves from the outside world. Four, scavenge through the house as fast as possible and collect their supplies. Five, before leaving, re-open all the curtains with their blindfolds on and close the door behind them.

No trace - that’s the key.

It’s an hour before they’re making their way back. She feels a little more at ease now, as does Bellamy. He’s walking ahead of her, one hand each of theirs following the string back home. Clarke wraps the string around the fishing reel as she collects it, saving it for the next time they’ll use it.

‘You alright, Princess?’ Bellamy calls back to her and she knows by the distance of his voice that he’s a good few paces ahead of her.

‘Yep’ she raises her voice so he’ll hear her. She feels the string bounce in her hand from where he’s running his hand along it and it’s a comfort. They got some pretty good stuff on the run, including some solar powered things which Raven can surely make work. It will come in handy when the electricity goes, which really should be any day now. They’ve been lucky to have it this long.

The wind has started to pick up, even though Clarke noted it had been a previously sunny day with no weather conditions. She can still feel the heat on her face though so she knows the sun hasn’t vanished behind clouds or anything. A few more paces and they’ll be home.

‘Princess!’ She hears Bellamy exclaim, his voice excited.

‘What?’ She stops walking, waiting for what he’s going to say.

‘The creatures - they’re gone!’

‘What are you talking about?’ How could he possibly know that?

‘They’re gone! We can see.’

Clarke furrows her brow, confusion filling her. _Shit, is this over?_ Hope fills her chest - have they got their world back? They don’t need to fight for survival every goddamn day now?

‘Are you serious, Bellamy?’

‘Yeah! Look at me, take off your blindfold.’

His voice is filled with certainty and happiness, flowing to her ears easily - even through the strong breeze. She might be running away with herself - it will take a long time for the world to get back to anything like it was, but it will be a start. God, wait until Murphy and Raven hear this. Madi and Jordan will be able to grow up in a safe world, not worrying about keeping their eyes shut or staying hidden all the time.

‘Really?’ She smiles. ‘Is yours off?’

‘Yeah, Princess.’

Clarke reaches up to touch her blindfold, feeling the fabric underneath her fingers. She’ll finally get to see blue skies again, she’ll get to see how green the trees are, how beautiful Bellamy’s eyes look in natural light. The string underneath her other hand is bouncing rapidly now, but Clarke figures it must be the wind.

‘Okay - I'll take it off.’

‘STOP!’ Bellamy’s voice booms through her ears, growing closer along with his quickening footsteps. Clarke freezes, just as she has her blindfold lifted a little to pull it off. ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?’ His hands come over her blindfold as if to check that she still has it on. He swats her hand away with force, his anger and panic obvious even with her eyes closed.

‘You said-’

‘Don’t touch your blindfold!’ Bellamy instructs, desperation flooding his tone. He’s right in front of her, touching her arms as if to ground her. The breeze is blowing Clarke’s hair, flicking it in around her face. ‘Don’t fucking touch it!’

‘Bellamy’ is all she can manage, the word waving with emotion.

‘What the hell were you thinking?’ Bellamy growls, fear in his voice. The wind dies down suddenly, a hush of quiet falling around them once more. His voice is suddenly too loud now and it’s only then that Clarke seems to notice that something had been wrong before. ‘Why the fuck would you try to do that?’

He doesn’t wait for her to answer and practically heaves her the rest of the way home, not letting go of her arm once in case she would do something stupid. Bellamy bangs on the front door and once its open, he almost shoves Clarke inside the house. Raven closes the door behind them and Bellamy wrenches Clarke’s blindfold off, revealing his anger ridden expression to her. It’s filled with hurt as well, confusion and panic.

‘Did it go okay?’ Raven opens her own eyes once she’s locked the door and checks their appearance. She knows there's something amiss straight away. 'What?'

‘What the fuck was that?’ Bellamy asks Clarke in disbelief. He’s looking at her like she might have gone mad.

‘What happened?’ Murphy emerges from the kitchen, hands in his pockets as he observes the two of them, both of their chests heaving up and down.

‘We were on our way back and I could hear Clarke rambling to herself about how she was going to take her blindfold off’ Bellamy yells the explanation to Murphy, gesturing to Clarke with his hand.

‘I was talking to _you_!’ Clarke yells back, panic fuelling it because something is wrong here. ‘You told me to take it off!’

‘ _What_?’ Bellamy’s brow pinches tightly together. ‘What the hell are you talking about? Why would I do that?’

‘You said…’ she trails off, already adding up what’s going on here as her sentence fades. _Fuck_. Her throat is tight and the weight of what just happened - what could have happened - is crushing her. She can barely breathe.

‘I said what?’ Bellamy yells. ‘Jesus, Clarke! Have you lost your mind?’

‘We never take our blindfolds off outside - you _know_ this!’ Raven chimes in, adding to the lecture.

‘Fuck, if I hadn’t of been there’ Bellamy rakes his fingers through his hair.

‘What in God’s name would possess you to do that?’ Raven exasperates, shaking her head as she walks towards Clarke.

‘Stop’ Murphy demands, silencing the two of them. He’s looking at Clarke, clearly watching her figure this out in her head. He knows there's something more at play here. Bellamy and Raven both stare at Murphy before moving their gaze to Clarke. Her chest is rising and falling rapidly and she shoves her hair back from her face with her two hands.

‘Shit’ she breathes.

Bellamy’s expression has changed from angry to concerned in a heartbeat.

‘What? What’s going on?’

Clarke takes a deep breath as she leans against the staircase, trying to calm herself. God - things just keep getting worse and worse.

‘The creatures’ Clarke says defeatedly. ‘They’re evolving.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	12. Survival Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely comments. I love responding to each and every one of you. Enjoy and heed the warnings.

‘What do you mean they’re evolving?’ Raven follows Clarke into the living room and Bellamy goes in tow with Murphy.

His heart is belting in his chest and he feels sick - Jesus Christ, only he knew what she was going to do in that moment and ran back to her, Clarke could be dead right now.

‘They mimicked Bellamy’s exact voice’ Clarke’s tone shakes when she says it and Bellamy can only stare, her words making his throat go dry. ‘There was no difference in it, told me that the creatures were gone and we could look.’

‘You should have known better’ Bellamy grits out, more panic than anything else. All eyes turn to him because it’s harsh, he knows it is. But _fuck_ , he can’t shake the feeling of losing her and more than that, can’t understand her stupidity.

‘How?’ Clarke is getting angry now. ‘How should I have known better? It was your voice, Bellamy. You called me Princess and everything.’

‘Yeah - probably because the creatures heard me call you Princess before they started talking to you.’ His volume is rising at each word. ‘I just don’t get it, you have trouble doing what I tell you on a normal day! Why would you do it over something like that?’

‘Because I trust you!’ Clarke flaps her hands by her side and her words ring like a slap. Bellamy is transported back to their conversation in the kitchen, after Clarke and Raven returned from their first walking supply run and the whole house was at war with one another. She told him she should have trusted him and that the only way they’d survive is together - he can’t really blame her for following through with it today.

He closes his eyes, dropping his head as he invites the calm to wash over him - _fuck_ , he needs to stop reacting like this. When he looks up, the whole room is watching him but all he cares about is the way Clarke’s eyes have glassed over. He crosses the room to her, pulling her into an embrace where she goes easy. Her arms come around his back, squeezing as if for reassurance and he holds her head against him, reassuring himself.

‘I’m sorry’ he whispers. Octavia always told him that he needed to stop letting his emotions cloud his judgement. That gut wrenching feeling of him almost losing Clarke the day with Raven came back, except now, after their week of growing closer and more intimate, the feeling is maxed out. He can’t lose this girl, but he can’t keep losing his temper every time he almost does - especially not at her. It serves nobody any good.

When he pulls back, he traces his thumb over her cheek where a tear has escaped, willing his heart not to break any further. He knows Raven and Murphy must be watching their interaction but it’s not like they don’t know what’s been growing between them behind closed doors.

‘What do we do?’ Clarke whispers, sounding for the first time since he met her, defeated. He refuses to let that happen, no matter how hard these creatures try to kill them. Bellamy takes a breath, steadying himself as he turns around to face the others.

‘If we’re outside, we keep our blindfolds on. I don’t care if God himself comes down and tells you to take them off, we keep them on.’

Raven and Murphy nod strongly and Clarke the same beside him, hanging onto every word he says.

‘It doesn’t matter if its each others voice you hear, if it’s Monty’s, Harper’s - whoever. If it sounds too good to be true, it is’ Bellamy reaches down and grasps Clarke’s hand, maybe to draw strength from her. Raven and Murphy’s eyes follow it down, mouths slightly twitching into smirks because of how obvious their relationship is now, but Bellamy doesn’t care. ‘The creatures may keep evolving, they might keep trying to come up with new ways to kill us - that might even mean threatening one of us.’

‘As in?’ Raven chimes in with a question.

‘As in - take off your blindfold, or Murphy will die’ Clarke tells her, almost like she’s reading Bellamy’s mind. Raven blanches, glancing at Murphy beside her as the dread takes over.

‘Just remember, they can’t touch us’ Bellamy states. ‘So don’t listen.’

‘What if they evolve so much that they can touch us? Tear off our blindfolds, make us look?’ Murphy crosses his arms and Clarke squeezes Bellamy’s hand at the spoken possibility. He takes a second before responding, not really having a better answer for them than the one he settles with.

‘Then we’ll need to find a much bigger gun.’

 

-

 

Time passes.

It’s something that can’t be avoided, a ticking clock that still moves even when the electricity finally cuts off and they spend their years in candle light and solar powered lamps. The creatures are still out there, lurking in the blindspot that is the outside. They haven’t evolved any further, much to everyone’s relief. They still brought home a rifle and a few more handguns from one house a few years back, though - just in case.

The house residents have gotten supply runs down to a fine art, now. The Carrier’s rarely bother with the neighbourhood anymore, satisfied with the fact that nobody could have survived six years without being forced to kill themselves. They take turns, like they always did, but things are starting to become scarce. Polis market is stripped bare by now and the residential houses are becoming further and further away, too long to walk to and from safely.

Bellamy knew this time would come, where they’d eventually run out of options altogether, but Clarke has kept him centred - supporting him with hope that they would figure it out. There are times that Bellamy thinks Clarke doesn’t even believe it herself though, knows those sleepless nights where her mind won’t stop turning. And as the days go on, she just seems to be getting worse - lost in the despair of it all, frustrated that she can’t figure out a plan to help them.

It’s a heavy burden, trying to keep everyone alive - especially now that Madi and Jordan are both six. They’ve learned without a shadow of a doubt that they can never look at the outside world, which is sad because all they know of it is the stories that Bellamy and the others have told them. To look is death - it’s something that they all drilled into them from very early on.

Clarke has taken them out to the back garden a few times, getting them used to feeling around with blindfolds on and the sensation of being blind out there.

The fear of supplies running out and the danger of longer supply runs has made the house tense lately - they know they don’t have much longer here. They’ve survived up to now with no further losses to their family, but their survival plan has an expiry date.

Murphy is feeding the birds when Bellamy comes into the kitchen. As Bellamy thinks back on their first night in this house, he realises Murphy doesn’t look all that different. These six years haven’t aged them physically that much, just emotionally.

‘The girls are back?’ Bellamy notes, observing the tiny blue birds inside the cage hop around in anticipation for their food. They take the birds with them whenever they go outside now and so far, they’ve alerted them every single time the creatures are near. They’ve tried to mock their voices a few times, encouraged the adults to remove their blindfolds on multiple occasions, but they’ve gotten good at ignoring them. The fear is still there, though - every time they step outside feels like the first time.

‘Yeah, about ten minutes ago’ Murphy tells him. Bellamy is relieved, it’s starting to get dark outside. ‘They’re sorting out the bits they got.’

‘Anything good?’ Bellamy wonders as he takes a drink from the water container.

‘Not much’ Murphy mumbles and Bellamy is yet again reminded of a fact that they’re all too aware of: supplies are running out. 'Raven found a radio piece which she's hopeful for, but food?' he shakes his head. Still, Bellamy doesn't miss the pride in his voice when he talks about Raven. The two of them have been together the last couple of years now and it's good to see them both happy again like that.

Bellamy is just about to go find Clarke when Madi skips into the kitchen.

‘Bellamy, Jordan and I are going to bed soon’ she says excitedly, thankfully oblivious to the growing dread in the house with them. Bellamy can’t help but smile, he knows what she’s after. As he follows her out of the kitchen and up the stairs, he feels proud that they’ve all raised these two amazing children.

Madi has grown tall with long brown hair cascading down her back. She has the brightest eyes and the personality to match. Jordan is a bit quieter but just as funny as Madi. He’s all Monty in appearance but yet Bellamy can see so much of Harper in his personality. He’s soft and kind beyond measure and his intelligence is unparalleled, just like his father’s was.

When Bellamy goes into their bedroom, he spots Jordan already sprawled out on the blankets on the floor. Raven found a tent for them on one of the supply runs and they love sleeping in it. It’s perched against the back wall instead of a bed, their sleeping bags and blankets contained neatly inside.

The newspapers on their windows have grown old, yellow and withered but they still do an excellent job of keeping the household hidden from the outside world. Their toys are ones that were taken from other houses and every time Bellamy looks at them, he has to stop himself from thinking about the children who once owned them.

‘So, which one? The Greek Gods or the Roman Empire?’ Bellamy gives them the options for their story tonight, settling himself on the floor as the kids lie down outside the tent.

It’s their usual night time routine until one of them gets too tired during the stories and crawls into their blue teepee to sleep. They’re stories he used to tell Octavia and he thinks of her often when he recites them - he misses her and the likelihood of her being dead is soul crushing.

‘Tell us one about the outside’ Madi beams, her features far too excited for this hour of the evening.

‘Yes! Please?’ Jordan agrees, folding his legs underneath him to ready himself for the tale.

‘Alright’ Bellamy chuckles. ‘Well, back before the creatures came and we could open our eyes out there, it was the most amazing world.’ It pains him to remember what it was like and how much of it he took for granted. ‘The sky was the most beautiful blue, kind of like Clarke’s eyes’ he wiggles his eyebrows and Madi giggles. ‘The grass was as green as the pictures in your books but when the sun came out, it looked so rich that you could eat it.’

‘What about the water?’ Jordan’s eyes are wide, eager to learn. They’ve never seen a lake before, or a stream on a summer’s day. They never will either, just fake images in their brains deciphered from Bellamy’s stories and pictures in books.

‘Crystal clear’ Bellamy smiles, his voice hoarse and deep as the two children settle deeper against the blankets. ‘When I was little, we used to visit the lake.’

‘You and Clarke?’ Madi asks and Bellamy’s heart constricts. This is all they’ve known - Bellamy, Clarke, Raven and Murphy. They don’t remember Harper or Jasper, they’ve never interacted with any other living soul only the residents in this house.

‘No’ Bellamy gives her a soft smile, doing his best to hide the sadness in it. ‘My sister and me.’

‘You have a sister?’ Jordan cocks his head in confusion. ‘Like Madi is my sister?’

He doesn’t have the heart to tell them that they’re not biologically brother and sister, but then again, nothing about their family life is normal. This is what they’ve grown up knowing - each other and the adults in the house as their parents. They’ve spoken to them about Monty and Harper and how they didn’t know Madi’s mother and father, but the kids go along with their own reality.

‘Yeah, Octavia’ Bellamy tells him. He never talks about her, it’s too painful - but he wants to tell this story. ‘Every summer, we’d visit the lake with our mother. You guys would have loved it there, they had trees and flowers everywhere. The water was so warm and there were clouds in the sky, just like your books.’

It was probably the wrong story choice, their little eyes are wide and stuck on Bellamy - not tired at all, just completely entranced by this world he’s telling them about.

‘We’d all play in the water and climb the trees in the forest beside it. All the kids, all the children.’

‘There are other children in the world?’ Madi asks with wonder.

‘Yeah, just like you’ Bellamy pushes her nose lightly with his finger and she giggles, making his heart swell again with love. ‘And you’ he dots Jordan’s nose too and he laughs, sounding so like Monty when he does it.

‘One day, we were playing chase at the end of the lake and Octavia ran inside the forest. When I went to find her, she had her arms stretched out really wide’ Bellamy tells them, stretching his own arms out to show them. ‘And dancing up and down her skin were these beautiful butterflies. They were so blue, they looked like they were glowing.’

‘Wow!’ Madi smiles so wide and for a moment, Bellamy lets himself believe that she’s Octavia. She looks so much like her sometimes.

‘What did she do?’ Jordan chimes in. Bellamy has to take a second, collect himself because he’s feeling too emotional.

‘She started laughing’ he whispers, hearing the sound of his sister’s laugh echoing through his brain. ‘She laughed so much and more and more butterflies took flight around her. It was so beautiful.’

‘The most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?’ Madi asks, eyes alight with amazement.

‘Mmm’ Bellamy thinks on it. ‘No, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen was…’

‘Madi, Jordan - time for bed’ Clarke’s voice appears behind Bellamy and he snaps his gaze over his shoulder to her. She’s standing in between the doorframe, her blonde hair long and braided to the side.

‘Bellamy is in the middle of a story’ Madi complains.

‘The story is over’ she says harshly and Bellamy furrows his brow - she never takes that tone with the kids.

‘Clarke, I was just-’

‘I’m not gonna say it again’ Clarke interrupts him. ‘Bed.’ She comes more into the room, shaking out the blankets as Bellamy stands up. Madi and Jordan both clamber into their tent without another word. ‘I’ll take it from here’ Clarke mutters to Bellamy, giving him his queue to leave.

It hurts him more than it should and he watches her for a few seconds longer, just to make sure she’s not joking around because this is out of character for her. Bellamy retreats downstairs, listening to Clarke’s voice fade out as he walks away. She’s tucking them in, telling them that she loves them and following their nightly routine as normal - like she didn’t just snap at him in front of the children.

When she comes into the living room a few minutes later, Bellamy is alone and waiting for her, pacing in front of the fireplace that’s been long out of use.

‘What was that?’ He asks quietly, disrupting the silence in the house. Murphy and Raven are in the kitchen but they’re quiet too - clearly anticipating the row. Tensions are already high in the house and if Murphy is correct in saying that they didn’t get much from the run today, Bellamy understands that Clarke wouldn’t be in the best form - still, it’s no excuse for how harsh she was with him upstairs. The children don’t need to know that time is short here.

‘Yes, what was that?’ Clarke snaps, her body all hard lines and angles as if preparing herself for this fight. ‘That story? Now they think they’re gonna go outside and climb trees with all these new kids and see butterflies and trees and lakes!’

‘It’s a story’ Bellamy throws his hand out, frustration building behind him. It was a story about his sister and he’s a little offended that she’s so annoyed about it.

‘It’s not a story. It’s a lie. They’ll never climb trees and they are never gonna make new friends. Why make them believe that?’

Jesus, he hasn’t seen Clarke all day because she was out on a supply run and now this? Despite her fighting with him, he desperately just wants a hug from her. This day has drained him a lot - he’s high strung and emotional, spent from talking and remembering his sister. He’s worried more and more with each passing day as to how they’re going to survive and now he’s fighting with the woman he loves.

‘They have to believe in something’ Bellamy says evenly. ‘What is this for if they don’t have anything to believe in?’

‘So that they survive!’ Clarke’s voice raises, edges cutting him with each word.

‘Maybe life should be about more than just surviving, Clarke.’

Clarke pauses at this, staring at him for a moment as his sentence sinks in. She quickly pushes it away though, placing her hands on her hips and huffing a breath out through her nostrils as she shakes her head. She won’t meet his gaze anymore but he talks anyway.

‘Surviving is not living, baby.’

‘They’re gonna die if they listen to you’ Clarke says but her voice is softer, probably at his term of endearment for her because it always melts her.

‘Life is more than just what is. It’s what could be, what you could make it’ Bellamy implores her. ‘Come on, you _know_ this. You need to promise them dreams that may never come true. They deserve hope.’

‘Hope? Hope for climbing trees and swimming in lakes? The only thing I’m hoping for right now, Bellamy, is that we don’t run out of food!’

‘Well they don’t need to hope for that’ Bellamy snaps. ‘They’re children. So yes, they should be hoping for climbing trees and swimming in lakes because they don’t have to worry about the things we’re worried about.’

Clarke features grow defeated and silence rings through the house louder than their voices were.

‘Don’t make them’ Bellamy finishes.

‘They’ll have to face it when we have nothing left, when we have to move them out of the only place they’ve ever known’ Clarke rants and Bellamy knows it’s her own personal fears and worries coming out, fuelling the entire argument from the start. She’s worried for them. ‘You trying to tell me that they don’t have to worry about that? Have you found some magic way to keep us alive in this house for the foreseeable future?’ She huffs out a breath, something akin to a laugh but it’s coming out as desperation. ‘You still have hope?’

‘We still breathing?’

He holds her eye contact for longer than he means to before finding the strength to walk out of the room. They need to leave this here, need to leave the argument to die off because he can’t bare it. They haven’t fought since the day the creatures spoke to them for the first time, back when Madi and Jordan were still only babies and Bellamy forgot how awful it feels.

He gets it - she’s reassured him enough times when hope was failing him and now it’s his turn. He’s not sure he’s strong enough to carry them all through this though if Clarke is starting to lose faith as much as he is. He doesn’t have all the answers to her questions but he has to believe and trust that they’ll figure this out like they always do.

When he steps out into the hall, Raven and Murphy are leaning against the kitchen doorway, listening to everything. They don’t try to act like they weren’t, they just watch Bellamy retreat upstairs in his eager effort to remove himself from the painful situation down there.

 

-

 

Bellamy sits with Madi and Jordan for a long time, long after everyone else has gone to bed.

The kids are sleeping soundly but Bellamy just sits outside their tent, as if protecting them further from the trouble that lies ahead of them.

_Fuck, what are they gonna do?_

He scrubs his eyes with his hands. As bad as it feels to worry about this and not have any answers, it feels worse to be fighting with Clarke. He’s fallen more and more in love with her as the days have gone on, the little moments of their lives etching into his heart and growing roots there.

He’s fallen in love with waking up beside her every morning, kissing the tip of her nose and brushing the hair from her face. He’s fallen in love with how Madi and Jordan come into _their_ room some mornings, jumping on the bed to wake them up when they’ve slept in. He’s fallen in love with how Clarke laughs when Bellamy kisses the ticklish part of her neck, how her face goes slack when he’s fucking her hard and fast, how she makes up little games for the kids, how she beats Murphy in every single game of cards, how she encouraged Raven to be brave enough to tell Murphy how she felt about him.

He’s spent too long away from her. Bellamy pushes himself off the floor, kissing his hand and putting it onto the tent before he leaves as if giving a kiss to the kids.

When he creaks open their bedroom door, the room is dark but he can make out Clarke’s body under the blankets. She’s not asleep and he knows that for certain when he closes the door and makes his way over to the bed. Her breathing isn’t even and she’s too stiff in her position on her side. He crawls in behind her on top of the covers, propping his chin on her shoulder as he drapes his arm around her.

‘I can still see Octavia in that forest’ he whispers against her ear. ‘The butterflies were so blue and Octavia had this massive smile on her face. The forest was greener than green and everything just looked so rich and beautiful. But it wasn’t the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. That one goes to you.’

Clarke stirs in his arms but makes no move to turn. He presses a soft kiss to the side of her face, his voice breaking the delicate silence around them.

‘I was sitting in my bosses kitchen six years ago and a stubborn, blonde haired girl was in front of me because I was treating her wounds from a car crash. She started telling me about her mother dying - and she started to cry. My heart broke for her, even though I didn’t know her. She was so sad and the hurt creased every part of her face - but my God, she was so beautiful.’

‘Bellamy’ Clarke whispers, voice soft and void of any anger.

‘You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, baby. From the first day I met you and every day since. That’s what I was going to tell the kids.’

Clarke turns over to face him and immediately tucks her face in against the side of his neck. She inhales the scent of him, her breath shaky like she’s trying not to cry.

‘We’ll be okay, baby’ he tells her, even if he’s not sold on that fact himself. ‘We’ll be okay.’

They stay like that for a while until they start to grow tired. Bellamy gets up to get out of his clothes, feeling the need to be under the covers with Clarke because he wasn’t close enough to her the way he was.

‘I found a bike bell today’ she tells him out of the blue as he strips himself out of his top. He can’t make out her features in the dark but her voice tells him that this is more promising than it sounds.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah. Figured we could teach the kids to use it. Ring the bell if they’re in trouble outside and we’re not right beside them.’

‘Good idea, Princess. Good survival tool’ he smirks, admiring this girls brain once more. She thinks of things he’d never even ponder at.

When he’s down to his boxers, he slides underneath the covers and places his arm around her once more. The silk feeling of what she’s wearing rubs against his arm and he pulls his hand back, tracing it down her body as he explores it.

‘What’s this?’ The slip is short, riding high on Clarke’s thighs and it feels like it has a lace trim. He lets his hand rise higher, feeling the top of it near her breasts. It’s low cut and without even seeing it, Bellamy knows it’s sexy as hell. He’s already half hard.

‘Oh - it’s purely for survival, too.’

‘Purely survival?’ Bellamy’s voice is low, playing along with the teasing game of hers. He dips his head, kissing her neck as he pulls her closer against him.

Yeah - he can play _this_ survival game with his eyes closed, better than the other one by a long shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	13. I Got You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give a quick shoutout my dear friend @TheNightBloodSolution (clarkgriffon on Tumblr) for creating this amazing [moodboard/aesthetic](https://clarkgriffon.tumblr.com/post/183708866237/devil-side-by-eyessharpweaponshot-bellamy-and) for Devil's Side. It's absolutely beautiful and it's an honour to see one of my fics with her creative stamp on it.

‘Hello?’ Raven speaks into the beat up radio for the millionth time this week. She’s greeted by static, as always, and it’s beginning to set Clarke’s teeth on edge.

In the last few years, Raven has found multiple pieces of electronic equipment in the residential houses that they’ve scavenged in, yet none can seem to help get enough range on the damn radio. Clarke is beginning to think that they’re the only survivors left in the world.

Raven leans back into her armchair, popping a leg up onto the coffee table in the living room. She might as well get comfortable considering she spends a good hour every day fiddling with the stupid thing.

‘Hello?’ Raven presses the button again to try make contact. ‘Is anyone there? Hello? Testing. Testing.’

Clarke stifles a groan, her back against Raven in her position on the couch. She wants to throw the blasted thing outside to the creatures - but she knows its because she’s frustrated that it never works. Nothing seems to be working anymore. Even though Bellamy comforted her last week after their fight, she doesn’t really believe that he has as much hope for their survival as he’s letting on - she appreciates the lie though because otherwise, she’d surely go insane.

They’re all losing it.

Supplies are running out, Clarke’s patience is running out and more than that, time is running out. They need to find a new way of living or starve inside this goddamn prison. She once loved their house, loved their corner of the world that no creatures would ever infiltrate if they had anything to say about it.

Now, it’s just concrete walls containing their inevitable deaths.

She hears Madi’s laugh coming from upstairs and Clarke lets it enshroud her. If nothing else, those kids are what they need to keep fighting for - they’re too young to die. Murphy is playing that dinosaur game he came up with, running around his room after the two kids like he is one himself. She hears him roar in a crazy manner and Raven huffs out a breath of amusement behind Clarke.

Little moments like this make their impending doom a little more bearable, for a few seconds at least. Bellamy comes around the corner of the doorframe, collapsing on the couch beside Clarke. He lifts her legs and places them onto his lap, the touch still giving her tingles like it’s the first time he’s done it. The stress is taking its toll on him too, if the bags under his eyes are anything to go by. He tosses and turns too much at night lately.

His hair needs a cut because his dark curls are too long over his eyes and he has a shadow of a beard on his face, a sure sign that the boys have run out of razors sharp enough to keep a clean look. Clarke doesn’t mind though, Bellamy Blake will always be the most beautiful man in the world to her. He’s her light in these hopeless times.

‘If there is anyone there, please respond’ Raven tries the radio again, her tone resigned and bored after repeating these sentences over and over again for the last six years. They have to try though, it’s all they have left. Bellamy is tracing circles on Clarke’s legs when they hear it.

‘Hello?’

A man’s voice, cracking and vague amongst the static - but a man’s voice nonetheless.

Bellamy’s eyes snap to Clarke’s, both of them staring at one another like two deers caught in headlights. They jump up, almost falling over one another to reach Raven who has straightened behind them in her armchair, eyes as wide as theirs. She’s staring at the radio and Clarke knows the excitement and hope in her heart matches every other person’s feelings in the room.

‘Hello!’ Raven answers back. ‘Who is this?’

The static is steady for a moment until the voice cuts through again.

‘My name is Marcus’ the man says and Clarke smiles, relieved and emotional after years of trying to make contact. Slowly, though, all three of them start to calm down and reality sets in. Clarke watches Bellamy’s lips turn from a beaming smile to a cautious frown, clearly adding up every danger in his head like Clarke is.

They have no idea who this man is, whether he’s under the creatures influence or not. Whether he’s another Cage.

‘Marcus, my name is Raven’ she responds, eyes on Bellamy and Clarke now. Murphy must hear the odd voice in the house and comes thundering down the stairs. The kids don’t follow, meaning he’s given them some game to play or told them to complete a brain development task like colouring or tracing. Clarke had found some old school books in one residential house so they’ve been trying their best to teach the kids how to write and read.

Madi and Jordan are both clever enough to know that in situations like this, the adults need the room and the conversations are just not for little ears. So they have obviously stayed upstairs without objection.

‘Raven - what is your situation?’ Marcus voice comes through again. Murphy’s eyes widen, settling himself on the arm of the chair Raven is sitting in. All of them are wary now, the danger of this contact catching up with them. They need to be careful here and Raven knows this, looking to Clarke and Bellamy for support. She holds the radio out to him, clearly feeling that this is more up his alley, and so Bellamy takes it.

‘Marcus’ Bellamy’s voice, low and rough speaks into the radio and it sends shivers up Clarke’s spine - like always, an involuntary reaction that she can’t control. ‘My name is Bellamy. We have a place, it’s safe. A compound-’

‘We have a community’ Marcus cuts him off. ‘It’s safe here too. We’re down by the river’s end.’

Bellamy glances at Clarke from his position, hunkered down in front of Raven’s chair. Clarke is kneeling beside him, eyes serious as she stares at him. This is the trouble with these dangerous times - they really only trust the members of this household, nothing and nobody else. That’s the deal. Survive together.

‘Where are you?’ Marcus adds on.

‘Don’t answer that’ Clarke instructs Bellamy, her voice quick and full of anxiety. Bellamy nods, giving him a vague answer.

‘Near Arkadia’ Bellamy replies and Clarke can feel her chest loosen a little. Arkadia is big - if this Marcus person is a Carrier, they’ll never know exactly where they are. ‘Near’ Arkadia could mean anything from the suburbs to a town next to it.

‘Jesus. You’re a ways away. How many of you are there?’

‘Six of us.’

‘Hmm-mm. Are any of them children?’

Clarke freezes and Bellamy’s eyes lock on hers. She knows Raven and Murphy are exchanging glances as well. It’s a strange question to ask. Immediately, Clarke is brought back to the time on the bed with Cage. He was so desperate to have the babies and Clarke begins to wonder what the creatures would want with them - what horrors or fears could they subject them to? Nothing bad has happened in their lives up to now.

‘Do not say anything’ Clarke tells Bellamy, her instincts screaming at her to protect Madi and Jordan more than anything. Bellamy, once again, nods before pressing the button which allows the communication flow to Marcus.

‘No’ he says absolutely. ‘Why?’

‘Because the fastest way to get here is by the river and I don’t think you could make it with kids.’

‘Wait, the river?’ Bellamy’s brow furrows, his expression adopting a manner that Clarke has only seen when he’s really troubled.

‘Float downstream as far as you can’ Marcus tells him. ‘Stay in the water until you hit the rapids. The water is fast there, dangerous. We’ve lost some people.’ Clarke swallows thickly, her gaze stuck on Bellamy’s face. His eyes are darting as Marcus talks, calculating the risks. ‘You need to be able to see clearly’ Marcus finishes and Bellamy responds immediately.

‘We’ll have blindfolds on. We won’t be able to look.’

‘I’m glad you said that’ Clarke can almost hear the smirk in Marcus’ voice. ‘Someone-have to take-unfortunately’ the static cuts in and out, making their line of communication unclear but it’s obvious what he’s saying. Someone will have to sacrifice themselves, look to direct them on the river and take the risk of seeing the creatures. ‘Prepare for two days worth of a journey’ Marcus continues. ‘At the pace of the river’s current. Bring supplies for longer.’

‘And how do we find you after the rapids, Marcus?’ Bellamy asks, looking up at Murphy who is just staring at the radio.

‘You’ll hear the birds. We’ve got a lot of them. Just follow the sound to us, down a small embankment. You’ll find a door up a few steps. That’s our-’

Static flows through the air, familiar and annoying.

‘That’s their what?’ Raven asks, her voice strained.

‘That’s what? Marcus?’ Bellamy tries, tapping the radio with the palm of his hand. ‘Marcus?’

Static rings on and Clarke closes her eyes. They’ve lost communication - who knows how long it would be before they’d find it again, if they even could. The four of them are quiet for a few moments, each more than likely thinking about the same thing as Clarke - the danger, the risk, the children, the reliability of this Marcus. She’s been through too much to trust him blindly and she has Madi and Jordan to think of - he said that the children wouldn’t make the trip. Not to mention what could be waiting for them if they stepped off that boat on the other side.

‘It could be real’ Raven begins.

‘No’ Clarke decides. It’s too risky. One of them would have to look while on the rapids? Forget it - they’re not sacrificing anyone. The years have not been kind to her hopeful, optimistic side - too much has happened.

‘Could be the truth’ Murphy says carefully.

‘Could be is not good enough’ Clarke counters.

‘What if Marcus could help us?’ Raven speaks, her tone a little harsh for Clarke’s ears.

‘And what if Marcus is one of them, huh?’

‘He knew about the birds’ Raven replies to this quick sentence argument, all logic and no sense it seems.

‘God, Cage knew about the birds’ Clarke stands now, pacing away from Raven. How could she be that naive? ‘And he put them in the freezer’ she swings around, watching Raven stand now too. Murphy has joined her, features bright amongst the muted afternoon sun creeping in through the newspapers on the windows. ‘This is too risky to consider.’

‘Every house has run out of food’ Murphy folds his arms, shrugging his shoulders as he speaks. ‘We have to move or we’ll die.’

‘You really don’t think I know that?’ Clarke bites out. All she’s done for six years is come up with ways to keep everyone alive but a two day journey with the children? Out in the open? Where one of them will have to look during the rapids? All to arrive at a location that could be riddled with Carriers, for all they know. _Fuck that._

‘Baby’ Bellamy’s husky voice appears as he finally stands up from his position in front of the armchair. He turns to face her, eyes soft and apologetic. Clarke pales, knowing exactly what he’s going to say before he even says it. She’s already shaking her head slowly, silently begging him not to go against her on this. He said it himself, they need to be together in this. Yet, the words come anyway. ‘It’s our only choice.’

 

-

 

It’s been four days and nothing from Raven or Murphy.

Clarke is sick, physically sick. She finishes vomiting out in the back garden, determined not to let the children know that something is wrong. Once back inside, she pulls off her blindfold and rests her back against the door. The sweat drips from her forehead and the worry swimming behind her eyes is too much. She closes them, feeling the unsteady beat of her heart in her ears.

They agreed to go on first and once they reached Marcus’ establishment, they would try radio Clarke and Bellamy. It was the only way to avoid them all dying, even though it’s probably what is gonna happen anyway. If they stay here, they won’t have much longer left.

As much as it turns Clarke’s stomach to admit it, they probably have a little longer now that Raven and Murphy are gone.

‘You need to eat something’ Bellamy’s voice makes her open her eyes, revealing his broad frame standing in the kitchen doorway. His arms are folded and concern fills his face. She knows she must look like shit.

‘I can’t eat anything’ she sighs, pushing herself off the backdoor and brushing her hair from her face with her fingers. She needs to keep it together but it’s difficult around Bellamy.

‘They’re probably fine. You know Raven said she might not get a signal once they got there.’

‘ _If_ they got there’ Clarke collapses on the kitchen couch, cradling her head in her hands.

‘We can’t wait much longer’ she hears him come in further before feeling his weight sit down beside her. ‘Madi and Jordan already know something is wrong. Raven and Murphy have never been gone more than a few hours, how long do you expect to keep this from them?’

‘For as long as I can’ Clarke grumbles.

‘They’re six, Clarke. They’re not stupid.’

‘Bellamy’ Clarke bristles, slapping her hands off the coffee table in front of her. The noise makes him jump and it upsets the silence in the house. It’s too fucking quiet without Murphy whistling and without Raven’s footsteps in the living room. ‘We are not leaving until Raven radios. It’s too risky.’

Bellamy waits for a second, knowing her well enough to let her calm down until he speaks again. They both know deep down that Raven isn’t going to radio - the signal is already bad and it was a thin chance anyway. Clarke instantly feels sorry for snapping at Bellamy and she hates how things are between them lately - tense and on edge. Their carefree love is gone, both of them too occupied and weighed down by trying to keep everyone alive.

It had been Raven’s idea to go on first and they all planned everything out carefully. They did a test run of how long it would take to reach the river at the back of their house (five minutes walking through the trees, to be exact) and they counted how many paddle boats were tied up at the waters edge (three, by the Grace of every deity out there). They discussed every risk and every possibility, agreed that they would just take the chance on the rapids and neither of them would look to direct and even packed enough supplies for a week along with two handguns.

Still, even after all that, nothing prepared them for the goodbye. The amount that could go wrong was insane and they knew that - the creatures would be outside with them for the entire journey and they would have no shelter at all, they could run into Carriers and they wouldn’t be able to look to protect themselves, they could perish on the rapids, they might not find Marcus’ establishment at all and even if none of those things happened, they could still be running right into a trap anyway.

Raven and Murphy gave the kids their hugs, reassured them that they were just going on a supply run like normal and that they would be back. There was no point in worrying them when they had no idea what was going on - but it already set off Clarke’s emotional side when she seen the both of them coming downstairs with tears in their eyes.

‘I’ll see you soon’ Raven whispered to Clarke as she hugged her tight, blindfold around her neck as they waited to escape through the backdoor. ‘I’ll try to radio.’

‘Remember what we talked about’ Clarke said into her ear as she squeezed her friend that had become so important to her. ‘Don’t look on the rapids and fight like hell.’

‘I will’ Raven’s voice cracked which only broke Clarke’s heart further. She didn’t want them to go, didn’t want this to be their only choice. Raven held her for a second too long but Clarke didn’t care - they had spent six years together in this house and their bond was formed around survival and love. It felt impossible to say goodbye.

Murphy was next as he released Bellamy from his hold. He threw his arms around Clarke, a complete 360 compared to the man who Clarke knew six years ago. He hugged her just as tightly as he had hugged Bellamy and Clarke had to swallow, forcing her throat to stay opened as the emotion threatened to close it. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Bellamy hugging Raven now and the sight of both of them holding back the tears was almost too much.

‘Don’t listen to the creatures’ Bellamy croaked. Raven and Murphy pulled back, their eyes glassy and their breathing uneven. They nodded, grasping each others hands before pulling up their blindfolds. Bellamy and Clarke closed their eyes, clutching onto the last living image of their friends before the backdoor shutting sounded through the kitchen.

That’s when Clarke fell to pieces. She dropped to the tiles below, stifling a wail with her hand against her mouth. Bellamy came down with her, wrapping his arms around her as he choked back his own sobs. The fear was too much and the feeling that they just let their friends walk off to their deaths was too real.

Clarke swallows at the memory now, trying to keep herself in check but everything is circling her mind. It was the only chance they had but she wishes they didn’t have to take it. Clarke had offered to go first but it was a flat out no and it wasn’t a decision that could be swayed or tampered with.

‘Baby’ Bellamy tries.

‘Stop, Bellamy’ she says, fighting to hold back the tears now because she knows he’s going to change her mind on this like he does every time. The only reason she lets him is because she knows he’s right. He's her northern star in all of this, the voice of reason when she's too lost in herself.

‘Baby’ he repeats simply and she looks at him, lip trembling. ‘We can’t stay here. We gotta go.’

 

-

 

‘Listen to me’ Clarke tells Madi and Jordan as she zips up their jackets. ‘I’m only going to say this once. This trip is going to be rough’ she tells them. Their eyes are wide as they stare at her, fear etching into every feature. Good - they need to be scared. The time for dressing up the situation is over.

‘Why do we have to go?’ Madi squeaks and Clarke is reminded of how innocent they are, how much the adults of the house shielded them from this problem.

‘The food is running out, sweetie’ Bellamy says softly from their bedroom door. He has a backpack on his back, filled with food, blankets and the rifle. Clarke has one on her back too, containing medical supplies, the radio and water.

The birds are in a tiny shoebox on the floor with little air holes pierced into the lid. She had offered Raven and Murphy the birds but they insisted that they were left with them, figuring that the children needed the best chance they could get out there.

‘The trip is gonna feel like it’s going on for a long time so it’s gonna be hard to stay alert’ Clarke says as she fixes their hair, a stupid thing to keep her hands busy as she explains the danger. The kids have always been warned of the dangers of outside and they’re good to obey and listen, but this is different. They’ve never been far from the safety of the house before and they need to understand how the smallest thing can mean the difference between life or death.

‘It’s gonna be even harder to be quiet’ Bellamy adds. ‘But you have to do both.’

‘You have to do every single thing we say,’ Clarke looks them in their fear ridden eyes, feeling exactly how they are but urging her face to stay stoic. They need her to be strong. ‘Or you will not make it. Understand?’

They both nod quickly. _Fuck_ , this better work out because she cannot lose them.

‘Under no circumstance are you allowed to take off your blindfold’ Bellamy bends down. ‘I know you keep them on outside but you’ve only ever had to wear them for a few hours here and there. This will be a long time before you can take them off.’

‘We will take them off for you when the time is right’ Clarke promises them.

‘I don’t want to leave here’ Madi’s lip trembles and fuck, Clarke’s heart splinters further than she thought possible.

‘Sweetheart’ Clarke holds her arms gently, steadying her. ‘This is just a place. There’s nothing more that we need from it. Okay?’

‘Will Raven and Murphy be at our new home?’ Jordan asks and Clarke has to bite her lip. She’s has to lie to him. She remembers what her and Bellamy fought about - she has to give them hope.

‘Yes’ she manages, smiling in a way that she hopes is reassuring. Bellamy reaches down and holds her hand, gripping it tightly to reassure her that she’s doing the best she can.

‘No talking on the river’ Bellamy instructs. ‘You must listen as closely as you can. If you hear something in the water, you tell us. If you hear something in the woods, you tell us.’

‘What happens if you take off your blindfold? What happens if you look?’ Clarke tests them.

‘You die’ they both repeat together, their voices too small and fragile for such a horrible statement. If the fear is how they survive though, then Clarke will deal with it.

‘Go wait downstairs by the backdoor. Do not go out without us, we’ll be there in a second’ Bellamy tells them as Clarke picks up the bird box, sniffling in order to keep the tears at bay. Jordan and Madi’s little footsteps leave the room, their blindfolds around their necks.

‘What are we doing?’ Clarke whispers, her voice shuddering as she stands and faces Bellamy. He envelopes her in a hug, trying to ease her anxiety.

‘It’ll be okay, baby’ he soothes, even if he’s scared too. ‘It’ll be okay.’

‘It’s been a week and nothing from Raven and Murphy’ she says against his shoulder.

‘We might get a better signal on the river’ he tells her, pulling back so he can cup her face with his hands. He’s so perfect, every detail of the last six years spinning through her mind like a tape reel. She’s so afraid for the children but fuck, she hasn’t even let herself go to the place where the possibility lies that she could lose him.

She can’t - she wouldn’t survive.

 _She_ doesn’t mind dying though if it means that Bellamy and the children are safe.

‘Bellamy’ she breathes. ‘If something happens to me…’

‘Nothing is happening to you’ he cuts her off, losing it a little. ‘I got you.’

She’s transported back to every single time he’s said those three words to her and it settles her, knowing she has him. Nothing can happen to him either - she’ll make sure of it.

They survive together.

That’s the deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	14. The River

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me and this fic, heed the warnings and enjoy the update.

The river is cold and it’s terrifying being out in the open like this.

The wooden boat rocks as Bellamy and Clarke paddle but in fairness to the children, they haven’t uttered a word since leaving the house. The birds give the odd chirp here and there, but thankfully and luckily, they’re silent too. If they were to make noise, that would mean a problem.

‘You okay?’ Bellamy asks Clarke. It’s hard to sit across from her because instinct tells him to stick as close to her as possible, but they need to distribute the weight in their small row boat. It’s old and creaky but it’s doing it’s job.

‘Yeah’ Clarke replies and Bellamy hates that he can’t see her face, can’t check if she’s lying or not. The blindfold over his eyes is tight, blocking out any form of the outside world. ‘Are you?’

‘Yeah’ he lies. _Fuck_ , he’s not alright - and how could he be? This is such a huge risk but yet the only choice they had. An oxymoron and maybe a death wish as well.

The radio has barely buzzed with life, nothing to indicate that Raven and Murphy have tried to contact them. He has an awful feeling in his gut that something has happened to them but he can’t really trust his gut right now - he’s paranoid, afraid and on edge. He needs to protect Clarke and the kids, no matter what. He checks the gun on his hip for a moment, maybe to ground himself.

They know that night has arrived when the air get’s colder, too cold to even be out in the open at all. They duck down until they’re sitting on the flat part of the boat, allowing the soft current to carry them where they need to go. Clarke and Bellamy will take shifts staying awake but once the kids are asleep, they drape the blanket over themselves like a tent and take off their blindfolds.

Clarke’s beautiful face comes into his view, her blonde hair like a light in the dark and Bellamy can’t help but smile.

‘What?’ She asks but he knows her eyes are soft too, clearly relieved to see him after a day of being blindfolded.

‘Nothing’ he whispers, leaning in and giving her a gentle kiss. ‘I love you, that’s all’ he says against her lips.

‘I love you, too’ she breathes, the cold condensation visible in the air each time they exhale. ‘How much longer, do you think?’

‘Another night and then we’ll be on the home stretch.’

‘It’s too long’ Clarke shakes her head. ‘I feel like I’ve already aged ten years and it’s only been a few hours.’

‘We’ll get there’ he brings her hands up to his mouth, blowing hot air over her cold fingers.

Bellamy makes sure that Clarke eats his rations, ensuring her that he’s already eaten earlier when in fact, he just wants her to have the extra. She’s already given half of hers to the children today, even though they never ask for more. Once she’s finished, he tells her that he’ll take first ‘watch’ and she makes him promise her that he’ll change shifts in an hour.

He doesn’t wake her until it’s nearly dawn.

Sleep wouldn’t come easy to him, he knew that - so Clarke might as well rest. She needs it. Bellamy spent his time in the dark, clutching his gun and letting the river’s current lull them towards their destination. The air was freezing and he jumped at every single noise, every lap of water, every crack of a branch in the woods either side of him. He was hyper aware of each time Madi or Jordan would turn in their sleep, made a habit of reaching down and checking that all of their blindfolds were still secure on their faces, touched Clarke’s back gently to check that she was breathing.

It was too vigilant on his part and he knew the actions were probably a symptom of being too worried but they soothed him each time he did it.

When he woke Clarke, she knew he had let her sleep too long and she scolded him in hushed tones so as not to wake the children. He loved when she got this passionate and he’s reminded of how far they’d come, how long it’s been since he pulled her from the street when the creatures first came. She still held the same fire, the same energy and he was grateful for it.

Mid-rant, he pulled her in against him and quietened her with a kiss. She melted against him, all her defiance and irritation gone with a simple gesture such as that one. He loves her so fucking much.

He sleeps uneasily for a couple of hours before Clarke is waking him, apologising but informing him that they should probably row in order to gain speed. They don’t want to be on this river any longer than they have to.

The kids are already awake and are still silent, half afraid to breathe, Bellamy imagines.

It feels like noon when Jordan falls in.

Both Bellamy and Clarke are rowing, Bellamy’s ears pricked for any sound at all when he hears a loud splash - too loud to be caused by the paddles or the boat.

‘What was that?’ Clarke hisses, clearly noticing it too because she’s stopped paddling.

‘ _HELP_!’ Jordan’s little voice sounds distant but Jesus, it pulls Bellamy’s heart from his chest so fast that he doesn’t even have time to comprehend what he’s doing.

‘JORDAN!’ He screams, his voice echoing through the forest around them. He doesn’t care about the noise because everything is happening so fast. Madi lets out a scream before clapping her hands over her mouth, the sound of skin slapping against skin making that pure obvious. Bellamy’s mind and heart are doing overtime and his breath is caught somewhere in his chest, stuck and choking the life from him.

Bellamy stands in a split second after hearing Jordan cough and splutter, the sound of his splashes against the water making it evident that he’s trying to stay afloat. He’s about to jump in after him when he hears another clap off the water - and he knows.

‘CLARKE!’

‘Come here, Jordan, come towards my voice’ Clarke sounds like she’s growing distant from the boat, clearly swimming against the soft current towards their child. He doesn’t miss the shake in her voice either, the anxiety fuelling it.

‘Madi’ Bellamy lunges forward, grabbing hold of her in case she’d fall in too. The birds in the shoebox are chirping wildly but Bellamy doesn’t know if it’s from the commotion or if there’s danger nearby.

‘Bellamy’ the little girl cries, clutching at his arm like her life depended on it. ‘Where are they?’

He can’t even answer her, can’t comfort her at all because fuck, his chest feels like it’s going to explode. It’s too difficult to know what’s going on with his blindfold on and all he can do is listen to the sounds of the water, use his ears to figure out what’s happening and use his heart to pray that they’re okay and that their blindfolds have stayed on.

‘Clarke, can you make it back? Follow my voice’ Bellamy rushes out.

‘Keep talking’ Clarke shouts, a product of adrenaline and panic.

‘Have you got him? Are your blindfolds still on?’

‘Yeah’ she gasps. She sounds like she’s swimming, wading through the water in thick slaps as she pulls them both back towards the boat. It’s hard, Bellamy imagines, as the current is constantly moving their destination away from them.

When he hears her getting close, he leans down and slaps the water with his fingers as if to encourage her to keep coming.

‘You’re almost there, baby. Come on.’

When he feels her arm, he doesn’t even question where he finds the strength to heave both Clarke and Jordan back onto the boat. All of them land with a thud against the bottom and it rocks, sending the birds wild. A moment later, there’s another splash and Bellamy almost gets sick.

‘Madi?’

‘I’m here’ she cries, still hysterical from the panic.

‘What was that?’ Clarke pants and he knows the air must be hurting her throat by the way she says it. Bellamy doesn’t dare say it, but he knows one of their backpacks is gone overboard.

‘Come here, all of you’ he ushers them to the centre and finds the blanket at the bottom of the boat, throwing it over all four of them. Once under, he pulls off his blindfold and the kids ones and checks them all.

Madi’s eyes are wide with horror, staring at Jordan who is like a drowned rat. He’s shivering, teeth chattering and arms around himself. Clarke’s hair is dripping, complexion pale and expression full of worry.

‘Clarke’ Bellamy breathes, his own clothes wet from having them in close proximity. The water is freezing so he knows he needs to warm them. She’s too busy checking over Jordan though, running her hands all over him as if to check for injury.

‘It’s okay, you’re okay’ she repeats but Bellamy thinks it’s more for herself than Jordan. Bellamy pulls them all in close to him, their body heat transferring underneath the blanket. It’s a miracle no creatures were drawn to them with all their shouting.

‘Are you okay?’ He asks, an open question to both Clarke and Jordan. Jordan nods quickly, tucking himself into Bellamy’s chest further. Clarke doesn’t answer.

‘What happened?’ Madi mumbles.

‘I leaned over too far’ Jordan squeaks after a few beats.

‘Why would you do that?’ Clarke snaps but Bellamy can’t see her face, she’s pressed against his side as they try to warm up. He knows she’s worried, _damn, so was he_ \- but getting annoyed at Jordan isn’t going to help anything. ‘You stay in the boat. There’s no need for you to lean over the side. You could have died, this isn’t a game’ she’s ranting now. ‘I told you before we left that…’

‘Clarke’ Bellamy cuts her off. It’s enough to stop her and they all fall into silence once again.

That evening, Clarke tells the kids to go under the blanket and take off their blindfolds for the night. The rest of the day was spent hyper aware of their every move, making sure they were checked on far more often than necessary.

‘I’ll be with you in a second’ she tells them and then Bellamy hears her lean forward. He waits, reaching out to hold her cupped hands in front of her. The boat creaks and the water lapping against the side of the wood fills the silence before she speaks.

‘The bag of food is gone, isn’t it?’

It’s a whisper, an effort to shield the children from another bad thing. Bellamy’s heart sinks because he had checked once they came above the blanket after warming up - they still had a backpack of medical equipment, they still had the radio, some water, the birds, the blanket and the rifle - along with Bellamy’s handgun on his hip - but yeah, the food was gone.

His silence is all the confirmation she needs because he feels her hands disconnect from his - and then she’s gone under the blanket to settle the kids for the night, without any rations.

Bellamy scrubs his face with his hand, being careful not to move his blindfold, and takes a deep breath. Okay, it was a near miss today but a lot worse could have happened. So far, they haven’t run into any creatures and there’s been no sign of Carriers. They’ve been too lucky and Bellamy is beginning to wonder if it’s a blessing or a curse.

That night, under the blanket, Bellamy takes his time watching the kids sleep. Madi’s dark hair is pushed back from her face and she looks the epitome of innocence, clutching onto Jordan’s hand as she dreams. Clarke is sitting opposite Bellamy, brushing Jordan’s hair back from his face. Jordan is pale, probably from today’s episode, but he sleeps soundly beside Madi.

Clarke looks withered. Bellamy let’s his eyes study her in the dark, lets himself notice how the worry and stress have settled into her pores and the bags underneath her eyes. She’s gorgeous, though, no matter what. The water swishing around them and the hunger pangs in his belly are no distraction to her beauty.

‘I love you, you know that right?’ He whispers.

Clarke flicks her eyes up to him and his heart flips, the exact same way as it always does. Watching her care for the kids, diving in after Jordan without a thought, making sure they all survive - he’s in awe of her every goddamn day.

‘I love you, too’ she whispers back.

‘If things were different, I’d have married you already’ he smirks, loving the feeling of his heart swelling. Even in the worst circumstances, he can take comfort in this feeling. No amount of creatures or apocalypses can take this away. He’s prided when a small smile erupts onto her face and it feels like too long since he’s seen it.

‘Is that so?’

‘Yeah’ he grins. ‘I’d have a speech prepared’ he lets himself live in this fantasy he’s created for a second and Clarke seems to be sucked in too, if the way she leans forward is any indication. ‘I’d get down on one knee, tell you how great you are and how I’d live any life at all with you, whether it be this one or a normal one or on a different goddamn planet where the sun sends us all crazy.’

She chuckles silently. ‘Then what?’ She whispers, sending shivers through him.

‘Then, we’d get married on a summer’s day with all our friends there. Your mom, my mom, Octavia.’ He tries to ignore the pinch in his heart that comes with that. ‘And I’d kiss you like I might never get another one, take you home and…’ he checks to see if Madi and Jordan are really asleep and then mouths ‘ _fuck you senseless_ ’ which extracts a giggle out of Clarke. They both enjoy the light energy and the silence that follows for a few seconds is comfortable and happy.

‘Would we have kids?’ She glances at Madi and Jordan and Bellamy’s heart melts once again. She’s a fantastic mother and he longs for that life where they could have more than two, maybe some that were biologically his and hers. He wonders what they’d look like, if they’d have her smile and his eyes or if they’d inherit their stubborn trait.

‘Yeah, baby. We’d have kids’ he smiles softly. He gets up and kneels in front of her, adoring the way her eyes roam across his face. She brings her hand up and let’s it rest against his jaw.

‘We might not get that life, but you can still do one thing’ she says quietly, lighting his skin on fire.

‘What’s that?’

‘You can kiss me like we’ll never get another.’

Bellamy smiles, staring straight into her eyes as he cups her face and brings her in. When his lips meet hers, the world seems right again. For that moment, time stops. There’s no apocalypse, no creatures, no death, no suffering - just them.

He deepens the kiss, knowing their technique by muscle memory. She moans quietly against him when his tongue presses against her lip and she opens her mouth to let him in. He knows what she likes and if the kids weren’t asleep just below them and they weren’t surrounded by death at every turn, he’d remind her just how good it feels to have their bodies connected.

Kissing her makes everything feel okay and the wave of warmth that spills out from his heart fills him up. Every inch of him is saturated with love for her and when they break apart, he knows by the look on her face that she feels the same.

‘We better get another one of those’ she closes her eyes and a huff of a laugh escapes Bellamy’s chest. Her lips red from the pressure and she leans her forehead against his, her hand on his chest.

 _Fuck_.

If love were enough, they’d last forever in this dangerous world.

 

-

 

_Just another half a day’s ride, that’s all._

Bellamy keeps repeating it to himself because the anxiety in his chest won’t let him rest since he woke up. Today feels different. Maybe because their journey is drawing near the end. They still have to face the rapids and even though they’ve made the decision that nobody is going to look, it’s still a worry. They will just have to pray that they make it through blind.

Last night’s good feeling is well gone and Clarke and he went straight back into survival mode this morning. They paddled for a bit until an uneasy feeling started to appear on the back of Bellamy’s neck.

The air is thick and misty, almost like there’s a fog over the river and it’s too quiet. The forest has gone radio silent and it sets his inner radar off. Something’s wrong. All that meets Bellamy’s ears is the sound of the water, the lapping of the waves that the paddles create and the odd creak in the boat. There’s no breeze, no animal sounds, nothing.

Until there’s more.

‘Hello!’

Bellamy freezes and he knows that Clarke has stopped paddling, meaning she’s heard it too.

‘You guys need some help?’

The voice belongs to a male, sounding like he’s on the other side of the bank. He can see them.

‘Bellamy’ he hears Clarke breathe but he can’t respond, his mind working a million miles a second as he tries to figure out what to do. This man is a Carrier, that much is obvious. He’s out there looking at the river with no blindfold, he has to be when he could spot them.

‘It’s okay to take your blindfolds off’ the man shouts, a kindness in his voice that Bellamy doesn’t trust.

‘Do not take your blindfolds off. _Do not_!’ He instructs Madi and Jordan who are sitting in between him and Clarke.

‘I got some food. Those kids look hungry.’

‘Get down!’ Clarke’s voice comes into Bellamy’s ears and he knows she’s ushering the kids to lie down flat in the boat. ‘Get down!’

‘Hey, little buddies’ the man’s voice comes again and it’s growing nearer, meaning that the river’s current is just drawing them up to where he’s standing. The birds inside the shoebox are starting to chirp louder and Bellamy can hear the flutter of their wings. This man is definitely a danger.

‘Down’ Clarke’s voice comes again. ‘Don’t get up. No matter what. Keep your blindfolds on.’

‘Have you ever seen a baby deer?’

‘Bellamy’ Clarke is panicking, that much is obvious. He reaches across, fumbling about for her hand and when he finds it, he gives it a squeeze.

‘We’re okay’ he promises but his head is spinning, ears pricked for any indication that this man would be coming towards the boat. It’s hard to steer it when they have no idea where he is, how close he is, if he’s in a boat himself or just wading around in the shallows out there. ‘Keep paddling.’

‘I’ll tell you a secret’ the man says, voice worryingly closer than before. ‘I found one in the woods.’ Bellamy can’t look, can’t check for how close the Carrier is. All he knows is that he’s too close for comfort, he barely has to raise his voice to be heard and even though he’s not exactly next to the boat, he’s still too close for Bellamy’s liking.

Using one hand, he pulls out his handgun. Clarke has the rifle and he can only hope that she’s clutching it too. They paddle for their lives, pumping their muscles into manoeuvring the boat forward.

‘Okay. I know you’re scared’ the Carrier says, tone laden with normality and hospitality. ‘Well listen, there’s no need. I’m not here to hurt you. I can pull you to shore.’

That’s when Bellamy hears it - the faint sound of hard water. The rapids. They’re growing close. He could swear that he can hear the sound of birds too - very distant, but there all the same.

_‘You’ll hear the birds. We’ve got a lot of them. Just follow the sound to us, down a small embankment.’_

Marcus wasn’t lying. The birds sound like hundreds in number.

‘We’re almost there’ Bellamy whispers across to Clarke but the words have barely left his mouth when the boat almost overturns with the force of something hitting it.

‘Take your goddamn blindfold off!’

The kids and Clarke scream and Bellamy shoots to the side of the boat, primal instinct taking over as he reaches for the direction of where the Carrier’s voice is coming from. He finds him just as he’s reaching in for the children and Bellamy realises this man is strong, arm’s heavy and overpowering as he tries to give them to the creatures.

Bellamy groans with the effort of trying to keep him back and he’s at a major disadvantage, he can’t see if this man is armed, if he’s trying to get Bellamy’s gun or trying to reach for Clarke - nothing. He is literally blind.

The man’s fingers dig into Bellamy, surely drawing blood but all Bellamy can feel is the panic in his chest. He can’t let him hurt Clarke or the kids.

‘I’ve seen one. I’ve seen the truth. Take your blindfold off!’

‘Get off!’ Clarke yells and he knows she’s attacking this man too.

The Carrier must push her back because the boat rocks with the force and that does it. Bellamy punches him into the face, knocking him back a little because the pressure against the boat eases off. Madi and Jordan are crying but Bellamy doesn’t get time to comfort them, doesn’t even get time to catch his breath because the Carrier comes back at them.

Bellamy tries reaching for his gun but the next thing he knows, he’s in the water with the Carrier holding him under.

‘Bellamy!’ Clarke is screaming - he can hear her through the moments of reprieve he gets when he manages to scrape his way back to the surface.

‘It shall cleanse the world’ the Carrier yells over him as he struggles to keep Bellamy under. He’s literally fighting for his life, lashing and kicking as best he can. The water is freezing and Bellamy is gasping each time he comes to the surface. His feet are crashing against the ground below him so he knows the water is shallow enough but he will drown if he doesn’t regain the upper hand.

‘Everyone must look!’ the man continues.

‘Bellamy!’ Clarke’s sob wrenches the heart right out of Bellamy but he’s surprisingly at peace - her voice is distant and he knows the current is pulling the boat away from the Carrier, away from him.

‘BELLAMY!’

By the time Bellamy has found his handgun and fires under the water, he knows Clarke’s boat is well and truly gone.

He returns to the surface with a gasp for breath, sucking in air like he never has before. His blindfold is still on and his hair is dripping, but he’s weak. The struggle has drained him, not to mention almost drowning. The Carrier’s body is floating beside him and Bellamy figures he shot him right in the stomach. Good - the gunshot underwater was silent, no creatures will be drawn to the noise.

Still - he’s in trouble now.

Clarke and the kids have gone. They’re safe for now which is the only good thing, but he’s here. This could be it for him and the thought is so sudden and fear inducing that Bellamy could kill himself right now without ever seeing the creatures. He’s stranded with no boat, no supplies and very, very exposed.

He treads through the water until he reaches the bank, collapsing onto the dirt there. He feels it under his trembling fingers and he can’t stop the intense shivering from the cold of the water.

He’s in more trouble than he thought - he needs to find a way to warm up or he’ll die here, without Madi and Jordan, without Clarke. This isn’t how this was supposed to go - Clarke depended on him and she needs him. They keep each other centred and now, she’s gone. Towards the rapids, towards more Carriers, towards the creatures. The fear of something happening to them without him being able to protect them grows very real, very fast.

‘ _Fuck_!’ he grits out, voice shaking from the cold.

The birds from what Bellamy assumes is Marcus’ community can be heard very vaguely through the trees so all he can do is work towards reaching it. It’ll be more dangerous because he’s on foot, but he has to try. Does he even have a chance?

Not to mention that he could get there and Clarke and the kids might not be. The thought is sickening and terrible - his girl and his kids are gone and there’s no way of knowing if they’ll ever see each other again.

 _Fuck_ , when he kissed her last night, he didn’t really think they’d never get another.

Turns out fate has a sense of humour, though not one Bellamy can appreciate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	15. Bird Box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're coming to an end, guys. Heed the warnings and enjoy.

The rapids were hard.

Clarke had to hold Madi and Jordan as they collapsed against each wave, blind as to what part was going to overturn them, but one would eventually do it. It was just a matter of time. They were vicious, unforgiving and determined to get the three of them out of their boat.

When they hit the water, it was ice cold and all Clarke could think about was holding onto the kids for dear life until the rapids died down. She kept all their heads above water and kept their blindfolds on, finding the strength from somewhere because she knew Bellamy wouldn’t want her to give up.

Now, though - now she has time to think. They’re drying off against a tree, the kids practically stuck to her legs as they collect themselves. They lost almost everything on the river - the food, the supplies, the guns, _Bellamy_.

Clarke’s breath hasn’t come back properly since he went overboard with the Carrier and even though it’s been hours, it hasn’t hit her yet that he’s dead. She knows he is - but it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like he’s just beside her, like he always was. She thinks about the sobs that left her body in the minutes after she lost him, how they tore her ribcage to shreds and her heart along with it, how Madi’s little hand came to rest on her back as she cried. The initial shock didn’t last long before the rapids came, but it was a taster of what is surely to come.

She desperately wanted to go back for him but how could she? How could she put the kids at risk like that? They had no idea if the Carrier had any friends, if the noise of his yelling would draw the creatures and if they were even going in the right direction. Eventually, the Carrier’s shouts died out as they gained distance away from him and she never heard Bellamy at all, only the short gasps of breath from him as he drowned.

She inhales sharply as the memory hits her, still not able to feel the gravity of his death. She knows it will come and when it does, it will kill her. So she needs to get to Marcus’ compound before she loses her mind without Bellamy. She needs someone to take care of Madi and Jordan while she grieves because when it does register with her, she’ll be no good to them.

‘When are we going back for Bellamy?’ Jordan asks and Clarke busies herself by checking that their blindfolds are still on.

‘We can’t go back.’

‘ _What_?’ Madi clutches Clarke’s arm. ‘Clarke, we can’t just leave him.’

‘Madi’ Clarke says sternly but she takes a breath to calm herself. She can’t tell the kids that he’s gone, can’t listen to them lose it because that will be her tipping point. They love Bellamy more than anything - they’ve already lost Raven and Murphy and she hasn’t even told them that there’s a strong chance that they aren’t coming back either. So how can she break it to them about Bellamy? ‘He’ll catch up’ she settles with, her voice softer now.

 _Hope_. They have to have it.

The birds are louder here but they still sound a good distance away, so Clarke gets up and brings the kids with her, determined to reach the compound before nightfall. Stage one is over so she puts the river’s memory at the back of her mind. Now they just need to overcome this hurdle and she prays to every deity out there that Marcus is who he says he is. That they’re not walking right into a trap.

‘Do you guys hear those birds? That’s where we’re headed. Just follow that sound and stay close to me.’

And so, they walk. Madi clutches onto their own birds, a tiny miracle that their little feathered friends survived the rapids. She never let go of the box and Clarke admires her passion for keeping them safe, even when she was at risk of drowning herself. Marcus’ birds are chirping collectively but not in a distressed way. Just like they’re talking to one another, happy. Their own birds respond in gleeful little whistles and the sound is soothing as they walk through the trees.

Clarke’s ears are pierced, stuck sharp on the kids footsteps behind her. _God, she’s fucking terrified_. Bellamy should be here, holding her hand and whispering to her that they’ll be okay and that he’s got her. A tear rushes to Clarke’s eye line but her blindfold refuses to let it escape. _No_ \- she can’t think about this right now. She can’t think of how her heart is being held together by just will power at the moment and she can’t let herself accept that Bellamy is gone. She just can’t.

‘Clarke.’

Her heart stops dead in her chest. The voice is crystal clear, a few feet away from her and she can feel herself going numb. _Bellamy_. Her breath is stuck in her throat and she realises that she’s stopped walking, waiting for him to talk again. _He’s alive?_

‘Baby, I’m right here.’

Clarke feels dizzy but she can’t find the words to call back to him. The relief inside her swells, happiness riding the wave with it until it crashes and breaks when she realises that if it was really Bellamy, he wouldn’t know it was her with his blindfold on. She hasn’t spoken in the last ten minutes so he would have to be looking at her right now to recognise her, to see her.

‘Open your eyes, baby. I’m right here.’

No, no, no, no, no. This can’t be happening.

It’s only then that she realises how quiet everything has gotten. She can hear nothing but the gust of wind around her and Bellamy’s voice. She knows enough by now to understand that the creatures are here.

‘No, you’re not’ she croaks out, her heart fracturing with each word because damn it, _he’s not_.

‘Clarke. Look at me’ Bellamy’s voice, deep and husky flows into her ears like honey.

‘ _No_ ’ Clarke grips her blindfold, determined to keep it precisely in it’s place. ‘You’re not real.’

‘Clarke, please’ he says again. ‘Just look at me.’

It’s not fair. It’s not fair that she has to hear the voice belonging to the love of her life, just hours after she’s lost him. It’s not fair that this world keeps forcing her to remember that he’s gone.

A cacophony of echoes erupt around her, his voice constantly encouraging her to look at him until the whole thing is just a blur of his words bouncing against her. Clarke brings her hands up, pressing them against her ears as she tries to block out the sound coming from seemingly every direction. She doesn’t even realise she’s screaming, can’t hear it over Bellamy’s voice.

Suddenly, the woods fall quiet. Bellamy’s voice has vanished and Clarke hesitantly pulls her hands away from her ears, listening carefully to her surroundings. Her breathing, previously fast and rampant, is now coming out in shallow bursts as if it would disrupt the silence that has fallen around her. It’s only then that her sense seems to come back to her.

‘Jordan? Madi?’

The silence that follows is worse than listening to her dead boyfriend’s voice taunting her. _Fuck_ , the kids are gone.

‘No’ she breathes. ‘Madi! Jordan!’ She screams, not giving a damn that it echoes through the entire forest. Did the creatures distract her to get the children? Did Carrier’s take them? The possibilities are endless but fuck, she can’t lose them too. Losing Bellamy is a pain she can’t even face right now but to lose the kids as well - this whole trip would have been for nothing, Bellamy’s death would have been for nothing and she’d never get past it. There’d be nothing left to live for. The fear radiates through every vein in her body, a cold sweat washing over her as the panic rises.

‘Madi!’ She screams, turning in circles as the leaves crack under her feet. ‘Jordan!’

Silence. _They’re gone._

Clarke’s mouth has gone dry as the anger builds within her. They’ve taken everything - her planet, her mom, her friends, her sight, the love of her life.

‘Don’t take my children’ she whispers but the anger waters it into a shout. ‘YOU CAN’T HAVE THEM!’ she screams.

‘Clarke!’ She hears a tiny voice shout back to her. It’s distant, like Jordan has walked a mile already and her heart stops, freezing inside of her.

‘Jordan, don’t move. Stay right where you are!’ She takes off into a run in the direction of Jordan’s voice. ‘Keep calling me.’

‘Clarke’ he calls, sounding closer than she originally thought.

Clarke keeps running towards the sound, crashing into the trees that surround her every now and then. She grunts as her shoulder connects with one, almost dislocating it at the speed she’s running. She has to stop to get her bearings and she briefly considers that this is another trick from the creatures. It’s a very real possibility, until she hears a bell.

It’s the bike bell and the memory nearly knocks her.

 

_She’s watching Bellamy in the darkness, taking off his top as he gets ready for bed._

_‘I found a bike bell today’ she tells him, a little tired and emotionally exhausted from their argument._

_‘Yeah?’ His voice is husky and deep, the stress tones evident there at all times, it seems._

_‘Yeah’ she replies. ‘Figure we could teach the kids to use it. Ring the bell if they’re in trouble outside and we’re not right beside them.’_

 

‘Oh, Jordan’ she whispers. ‘That’s it, keeping ringing the bell!’ She yells to him, and so he does. He dings the little silver thing that she didn’t even know he brought with him and keeps doing it until she finally reaches him. Her chest gives way to an unmerciful sob.

‘Jesus, Jordan’ she hugs him, holding his little body tight against hers. ‘Are you alright? I told you to stay right behind me.’

‘I heard Murphy. He kept telling me to follow him’ he squeaks out against her chest. Clarke pulls back, checking his blindfold as she does it. It’s still on.

‘Murphy?’

‘Yeah. I heard him on the boat too. It’s why I fell in.’

Shit, she hasn’t prepared them enough for this journey. These poor kids.

‘Jordan. No matter who you hear, never take your blindfold off, okay? It’s not them, it’s the creatures.’

‘Can I really take my blindfold off?’ Madi’s voice comes into Clarke’s ears, sounding way too far away to reach. _Oh, God_. The urgency in Clarke’s chest rises rapidly, a panic washing over her like she’s never experienced.

‘Madi!’ She yells, still clutching onto Jordan in front of her.

‘It’s safe? Are you sure, Clarke?’ Madi says.

‘No! Madi, that’s not me! Keep your blindfold on!’ She’s running now, practically dragging Jordan along behind her. She won’t lose them.

‘You always said it was dangerous to look. That if I look, I die’ Madi’s voice is drawing closer, signalling to Clarke that she’s running in the right direction. She almost trips but she wills her body to right itself.

‘Listen to my voice! _This_ is my voice! I’m right here’ Clarke’s voice is shaking like an earthquake. She’s in over her head and the fear suddenly strikes her that they might not make it. Not all of them.

‘I don’t think Bellamy would like it if I took my blindfold off, Clarke’ Madi says and Clarke almost collapses. _Fuck_.

‘Do not take it off Madi!’ She’s screams but Madi can’t seem to her her, just the creatures and the wind that follows them.

‘Clarke’ Bellamy’s voice hits her again and this time, Clarke can’t help the cry that rips through her. She’s still running, which is extremely difficult to do while blind, but she has to keep going to get her daughter. ‘Clarke, stop’ Bellamy whispers, as if right by her ear.

‘NO! YOU’RE NOT REAL!’

‘Clarke, I’m scared’ Jordan’s voice bounces behind her so she turns around, picking him up in her arms and continues running towards Madi. He tucks his face in against her neck.

‘Keep your eyes closed’ she tells him, ignoring Bellamy’s voice that is insistent on talking to her. ‘Don’t take off your blindfold, no matter what you hear.’

‘I don’t want to make Bellamy upset’ Madi’s voice comes again and Clarke is so fucking close.

‘Take off your blindfold, baby’ Bellamy says to her just as she reaches Madi. Clarke practically throws herself on top of the child, nearly knocking her with the force. Jordan is wrapped around her neck like a monkey so Clarke uses her hands to check Madi’s blindfold. Still on.

‘Clever girl’ she mumbles, ignoring the rising echoes of Bellamy’s voice again. ‘Come on’ she picks her up, a child on each hip now as she tries to focus on the birds. They sound more like dulled background noise but she has to concentrate to follow them. ‘Listen for the birds’ she tells them. ‘I love you both so much. Keep following the birds no matter what happens.’

‘Clarke’ Madi cries, clearly terrified.

‘I got you’ the words slip from her lips easily and the pang in her heart that follows is almost too much to bear. How many times has Bellamy said those words to her?

‘Where are you, baby?’ Bellamy’s voice comes into her ears now. ‘I need help’ he begs and the tears flow steadily down her cheeks now, completely bypassing the blindfold around her eyes. He sounds so real.

‘Listen for the birds’ Clarke tells herself more than the kids, thundering through the forest towards the faint chirping. Their own birds are thrashing around inside the shoebox that Madi is holding, frantic because of the creatures presence.

‘Just take a peek and find me’ Bellamy says.

‘Clarke, they’re talking to me’ Jordan cries. ‘They’re too loud. Too noisy.’

‘Ignore them’ Clarke yells but she realises she’s yelling to drown out Bellamy. His voice is echoing through her.

Somehow, they manage to make it to a stone door where the birds sound the loudest. They had to walk up a couple of steps and when she reaches out, Clarke can feel the handle. This must be the place. Bellamy is still talking to her but she seems to be able to focus enough on her thoughts to gather sense.

If it was really him, she’d feel it.

‘Hello!’ She bangs on the locked door. ‘Open the door. Hello?’

The fear inside of her is growing so much that she could pass out. The two kids are clutching onto her for dear life, the creatures are around her in the hundreds it seems and there could be a threat on the other side of this door waiting for them - Carriers, ready to rip off their blindfolds. But she has no other choice, they have no where else to go.

‘Hello! Hello!’ She bangs harder. ‘My name is Clarke. I have children. Please, find Marcus and tell him we followed the river, we followed the birds.’

Nobody seems to be opening it.

‘Please!’ She shouts. ‘He was talking to Raven and Bellamy.’

‘Clarke, look at me. Please’ Bellamy’s voice surges into her ear and she screams, trying so hard to block it out. The kids are wailing, clearly hearing things too.

‘Please!’ Clarke cries, unable to hold back the emotion anymore. ‘Please, let us in! Even just the children, just take the children. Let my children in.’

On that command, she falls through the door. She’s vaguely aware of people catching her and once the door closes behind her, a silence erupts around her much louder than the creatures ever were. Madi and Jordan are gone from her arms and she’s struggling, trying to catch up with what’s happening. People are pinning her against the wall.

‘Check her eyes’ a voice says. ‘Pull off her blindfold.’

Clarke can’t stop it - her blindfold is whipped off her in half a second but she’s too concerned over where Madi and Jordan are gone. All she can see is blinding brightness, like a flashlight being shone in her eyes. It switches from one eye to the other, the way a doctor would check pupils.

‘She’s okay’ the voice over her says. ‘They’re all okay.’

‘Clarke’ Madi nearly winds her once they’re freed, wrapping her arms around her stomach. ‘They took my blindfold off, I couldn’t stop them.’

Jordan is next over to her, clutching at her leg desperately. Clarke’s heart rate starts to steady as she takes in the faces around her. She doesn’t recognise any of them but they don’t look hostile - and she doesn’t have the urge to kill herself so she’s assuming opening their eyes is okay in here.

‘Clarke?’

In the darkness of the corridor, Clarke looks up to see a man standing at the end of it. The people that were checking their eyes separate in order to let him through. He’s middle-aged with long, scruffy hair. His beard is unruly and there are flecks of grey in it, his eyes holding wisdom and power. He’s in charge here.

‘Yes’ she replies, holding onto Madi and Jordan a little tighter.

‘I’m Marcus. We were hoping you’d make it.’

 _She’s made it. They made it_.

The relief on her face must be obvious because Marcus smiles, beckoning them to follow him. Madi and Jordan don’t let go of her hand the whole way down the hallway, staring wide eyed at every person they come across because it’s such a foreign thing for them. All they’ve known is four adults all their lives.

‘You’re safe here’ Marcus says over his shoulder as they walk through the compound.

Clarke has a million questions. How they survive here, how they have enough food and resources, how many of them are here, if Raven and Murphy made it. Yet, she can’t seem to form any words to ask them. The panic is still buzzing through her, Bellamy’s voice is still sewn into her eardrums and the grief of losing him is leaking out of the wall she’s built in order to get them here.

Marcus leads them to a door to what seems like the outside and Clarke pauses, gripping the kids hands tighter. He must sense her hesitation because he turns around, a kind look on his face as he brushes his hand over a plaque on the wall. It’s old and dusty but the words on it are clear as day.

 **'Thelonious Jaha, School for the Blind**.'

Clarke’s mouth pop’s open and her eyes drift to Marcus, who merely nods. Understanding floods her at once - this is how this compound survived. Marcus himself can clearly see but she imagines many others here are blind, blind to the effects of the creatures in a way that they can never be manipulated.

‘Come on’ Marcus smiles, pushing the large wooden door in front of them.

It creaks open, revealing a large, bright courtyard with beautiful architecture and arches. Ivy and plants cover the entire place but the beauty of the flowers and the small stream at the end of the courtyard isn’t what catches Clarke’s attention the most, it’s the people. The calm here is unbelievable. Nobody seems to be worried about survival or if the creatures will show up. Children are running around laughing and people are sitting on the grass, chatting and smiling. Some are blind, some aren’t. It’s so peaceful.

When Clarke looks up to where the sky should be, the entire thing is covered with grates so nothing can get in. Ivy, flowers and plants have grown over them, blocking any vision of the sky above. It looks like a forest where the trees have grown too thick. There’s a large tree in the centre, stretching so tall that its branches and leaves have curled around the grates too. Birds in the thousands, tiny ones, are fluttering around the plants above them. There’s obviously an area that they can slide in and out through but this is clearly their home. The entire thing is so beautiful.

‘ _Wow_ ’ she hears Madi breathe and when Clarke looks down at the two of them, they’re mouths are wide open as they take in the sights around them.

‘The birds warn the sighted people whenever those things are around’ Marcus tells her. ‘It’s not much, but it’s something.’

‘It’s incredible’ Clarke whispers, looking around once again in awe of this place.

‘I’m going to get you some dry clothes’ Marcus says softly and Clarke manages a small smile in gratitude. They are still damp from the river and she’s worried about the children getting ill. As he retreats, Madi tugs at Clarke’s sleeve.

‘Can we let our birds go and be with their friends?’ She wonders and Clarke glances at the tiny shoebox still clutched in Madi’s fingers. The irony isn't lost on Clarke that they're in a massive bird cage themselves now, a bird box that will keep them safe from the dangers outside - just like this little bird box kept their birds safe on this journey.

‘Good idea’ Clarke smiles, bending down on her hunkers so she’s level with her children. Madi beams, her eyes still so full of life and joy. She holds the box while Jordan opens the lid and their little birds that have helped them so much over the last few years burst out, flying to the plants above them. Sunlight is shining through the leaves, making the moment more emotional as the birds join the members of their own species, chirping and singing happily.

_They’re free._

‘Do you guys need anything?’ A voice says behind them and when they whirl around, Clarke finds herself facing a very striking looking brunette. Her hair is poker straight, down to her elbows and her eyes are almost as captivating as Bellamy’s were. She’s slim and lean and her face is friendly, a kindness there to cover her pain and experiences - something they can all share here. They’ve all experienced loss. ‘Anything I can get you?’ She says, glancing at the kids and smiling.

‘Um, I…’ Clarke stands, staring at the girl and feeling so overwhelmed by everything. She’s not even sure what to ask for.

‘It takes a while for the ‘safe’ feeling to set in’ the girl says reassuringly and Clarke huffs out a sigh of relief, feeling glad that it’s normal to be behaving like this. ‘It’s pretty, huh?’ The brunette says when Madi and Jordan glance out at the stream again.

‘It’s kind of like the place Bellamy told us about’ Jordan smiles up at Clarke and she can only give a sad smile in return. _Damn, it is_. She wishes he could have seen it. ‘It’s what I imagined, anyway’ Jordan shrugs.

Clarke glances back to the girl, who is now staring wide eyed at Jordan.

‘What?’ Clarke puts her hand around Jordan’s shoulder automatically, an action hard wired into her from living life so on edge the last few years.

‘Bellamy?’ The brunette breathes. ‘ _Bellamy Blake_?’

Clarke’s heart stops and her eyes go wide too. There’s a thumping in her eardrums and her skin is tingling. This girl knew him?

‘Are you Octavia?’ Madi asks, elated and excited at the prospect.

‘Yeah’ Octavia whispers, her bottom lip quivering as she meets Clarke’s eye again. ‘You know Bellamy?’ She looks back at the kids, clearly taking in their features. ‘Are they…?’

She wants to know are they his but Clarke can barely breathe, let alone answer. _Bellamy’s sister is here_ \- he would have been so happy to see her, so relieved to know that she’s alive and they all could be together now. Damn it. _Damn it._ The tears are spilling over her cheeks before Clarke can stop them.

‘Clarke?’

She knows it’s Murphy before even turning around but when she does, the emotion that had been buried within her starts rising to the surface. He’s standing a few feet from her, his appearance exactly the same as when he left their house. _He’s alive._

‘Murphy’ she whispers and the kids scream, running towards him. Murphy drops the pile of firewood he had been carrying, bending down just in time for Madi and Jordan to crash into him. He wraps his arms around them, tears flowing steadily down his face as he clearly absorbs the fact that they’re here.

‘Where’s Raven?’ Madi almost yells from the excitement when she pulls back but Clarke holds her breath, fearing that Murphy will meet her eye - look to her for a way to tell the kids that Raven didn’t make it, but instead, he spins on his heel and points towards the tree in the centre of the courtyard.

There are a few kids tossing a ball to one another and a couple of people with their toes in the stream - but in the middle of them all, Raven Reyes is hunched over on the grass, boring into a radio with a screwdriver. Clarke’s chest relaxes with relief - _fuck_ , they both made it.

‘Raven!’ Madi and Jordan scream together and this gets the attention of Clarke’s friend, whose eyes snap up towards the sound. She watches the obvious disbelief wash over Raven until she stands abruptly, tossing the radio to the ground.

‘Oh my God’ she seems to say before taking off running towards the kids. She has a limp but it doesn’t seem to hinder her speed. Madi is first to escape from Murphy’s grasp, racing towards Raven with Jordan not too far behind her. Raven skids on her knees a few feet from them, arms outstretched as the kids dive into her. The tears that are running down her face tells Clarke that she has been trying relentlessly to reach them on the radio.

Murphy crashes against Clarke then, embracing her in the tightest of hugs.

‘I’m so sorry’ his voice breaks. ‘We couldn’t get a signal on the radio.’

‘I know’ Clarke mumbles, because she does. There’s no other reason they wouldn’t have tried to contact them if they made it here. Raven manages to detangle herself from the kids and is next in line to hug Clarke. There’s only so much that Clarke can take though - the feeling she has been trying to push away is starting to insist on coming through and the relief of her friends being alive just reminds her that Bellamy isn’t.

‘Where’s Bellamy?’ Raven asks when she pulls back, checking over Clarke like she might be injured.

‘Wait, he’s with you?’ Octavia says from behind her and Clarke closes her eyes. She almost forgot she was there but fuck, now she has to tell Raven and Murphy _and_ _his sister_ that he didn’t make it when she hasn’t even processed it herself yet. She glances at the kids who have the biggest smiles on their faces, euphoric after seeing Raven and Murphy again. She can’t break in front of them.

Tears in her eyes, all she can manage is a bare whisper to Murphy.

‘Take the kids.’

Murphy’s face grows serious, mirroring Raven’s who just stares at Clarke.

‘Please’ she begs and Murphy turns, pain in his expression as he absorbs the magnitude of what is obviously happening.

‘Come on, let me show you the stream’ he says to the kids as happy as he can clearly manage, but Clarke doesn’t miss the crack in his voice.

When the kids are well on their way towards the stream, Clarke spins on her heel and practically runs inside the hallway where they just came out of. Octavia and Raven follow and once the door is closed behind them, the strength in Clarke’s body leaves her. She collapses to the floor, hand gripping the wall and she welcomes the cold concrete below her. Tears blur her vision as she stares at her fingers, feeling as though her chest is going to explode.

The wail that escapes her is nothing short of devastating. It rattles through her entire body, echoing off the walls as the weight of Bellamy’s death falls over her.

He was hers, the only thing that kept her alive in this world. He was the only magic to ever exist, the only person to ever calm her with three simple words. ‘I got you’ seemed to be their ‘I love you’ and it proved it deeply every time they were uttered. He kept her safe, forgave her, consoled her and made her whole on days where she felt only half a person.

Bellamy lit a fire under her, made sure that hope never extinguished inside of her as long as he was around. But now he’s not, so it feels like there’s no hope left. She couldn’t keep him safe and this doesn’t feel doable anymore - Clarke got the kids here but what does she do now? How does she go on without him?

‘Oh, God’ Clarke hears Raven utter, vaguely registers her bending down beside her.

‘He almost made it, didn’t he?’ Octavia is crying too, her hand over her mouth as her words come out muffled but Clarke can’t speak. All she can do is let the waves of grief crush her again and again.

Her cries sound foreign, like they don’t belong to her at all but yet her chest tells her that they do. The pain is so strong, Clarke isn’t sure if she’ll ever feel anything else ever again. She has lost so many people - her dad, her mother, her friends. But this? This is something else entirely and it doesn’t feel the same. It feels as though she’ll never recover.

Bellamy Blake was the love of her life - how does one get over losing that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


	16. To Be in Your Arms Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still screaming that Bob and Eliza got freaking married. Like, what is life right now?
> 
> Anyway - here's the final chapter to this fic. Chapter title is from the song 'From the Grave' by James Arthur, which heavily inspired this finale. Heed the warnings and I'll say farewell at the end. *cries*

Bellamy feels as though he’s been walking for days. He’s exhausted, emotionally raw and constantly anxious. The shivering seems to have only ceased in the past hour or so and he’s not sure if it’s a good thing or not. Maybe he’s just warmed up - or maybe the shivering wasn’t due to the cold at all.

 _Fuck_ , he hopes Clarke and the kids made it through the rapids. He should have been there to help them, protect them. The gun in his hand grounds him as he stomps through the leaves of the forest and his ears are sharp, ready for any noise. He doesn’t really want to use the gun - it will just draw unnecessary attention from the creatures or any Carrier’s that may be wandering around out here - but he wouldn’t like to be without it all the same.

It’s unusually quiet here and it unnerves him. There seems to be no wildlife, no rustle of leaves from the wind - nothing. Even Marcus’ birds sound like a dull roar now and it makes it incredibly difficult to follow their direction. The blindfold around his eyes is tight but welcomed and he just tries to focus on his breathing and keeping his footing.

Whatever happened in the struggle with him and the Carrier left Bellamy with an ache in his right leg - one he can’t look at or check because he can’t remove his goddamn blindfold. The limp is only slight but he knows if he keeps walking on it, it will become unbearable. Still he can’t stop - he has to reach the compound - has to get to Clarke and the kids, if they’ve made it that far at all.

His brave Princess - no, she won’t give up. She’ll keep going and get Madi and Jordan to safety. He has to believe that because he doesn’t know Clarke to be any other way. She’s afraid - he doesn’t doubt that. Danger is present at every turn but she won’t give up. She’s protected those kids since they were babies, shielded them from Cage and the light pouring in from the open windows that day and every day since. They are who she’ll keep going for.

Bellamy can see her in his mind - her blonde hair, the crinkle in her eyes when she laughs, the way she looks at him. He loves her so fucking much. She’s what’s keeping _him_ going.

A scream ripples through the air and Bellamy freezes in his tracks, head cocked in the air to listen. _It’s Clarke_. She sounds miles away but he’d know her anywhere.

‘CLARKE!’ He yells back, listening to his echo carry through the forest. Silence responds. She doesn’t hear him. His heart is fucking racing and he’s sure he’s stopped breathing, as if that will help him hear her more. _Shit, she’s in trouble_. He’s about to call for her again, take off running as best he can with his injured leg but her next scream chills him to the bone.

‘Madi! Jordan!’

He can hear the panic in her voice from here - she’s distressed. The kids are gone. Bellamy sprints into action, his shoulder knocking into a tree on the way because he can’t pay attention to his surroundings right now. He has to get to them.

‘YOU CAN’T HAVE THEM!

The scream echoes off of every piece of him and Clarke’s voice tears his heart in two. No, no, no. He takes a breath to scream back, mid-sprint, but something knocks the wind from him.

A pair of arms tackle him to the ground and pain erupts through Bellamy, causing him to let out a shout of pain. All he can feel is the leaves scratching at his skin underneath him, the woeful pain in his leg and a heavy weight on top of him.

‘Take a look’ the man’s voice booms, struggling to keep Bellamy under control because he’s thrashing.

‘Get off’ Bellamy huffs, noting that his gun is gone from his hand. He imagines it lies lost on the forest floor somewhere.

‘Just let me take your blindfold and you’ll be free.’

‘NO!’ Bellamy gasps, fighting with everything left in him to shove this person off him. The Carrier keeps clawing at Bellamy’s blindfold and with his two hands in use to try and fight him, he can only move his head to stop it happening. Thoughts are racing through his mind, overlapping and running into one another as he struggles.

There are Carrier’s in the woods. What if that’s what’s happening to Clarke and the kids? Are they ambushed? Outnumbered? Given to the creatures already?

Bellamy groans, finding overpowering strength in him from somewhere as he manages to kick the Carrier off him. He only has seconds so he uses them to scuffle up, tripping a little as he tries to make a run for it. He’s at a severe disadvantage here - he has no vision, no sense of direction, no weapon so it isn’t surprising when the Carrier knocks him again.

Pain radiates through him as a punch lands on Bellamy’s face, right by his jaw. It dazes him a little because he has no way to expect any of this. Time starts to move slowly and it takes a few seconds to realise that Bellamy is looking around the forest. He sees trees, green and amber in colour with their leaves littered all over the floor. The day is grey, like rain could come at any second and the man over him is a skinny thing - resembling the junkies that Bellamy used to see on his way to work in that rough part of town.

The Carrier’s eyes are wild and wide, a mix of green and yellow in colour. Sense seems to knock right back into Bellamy at that moment because fuck, his eyes are open and his blindfold is gone. He snaps them closed, re-entering his world of darkness and his heart has nearly fallen out of his chest. That was too close.

‘Open your eyes!’ The Carrier lunges at him again but Bellamy _needs_ the upper hand here. Shit.

‘YOU’RE NOT REAL!’ Clarke’s scream comes from the distance again and the struggle between Bellamy and the Carrier stops on both ends. Bellamy’s heart is pounding so loud that he can feel it vibrating off the ground below him - because now, she has the Carrier’s attention. They’re fighting different demons here because Clarke seems to have the creatures on her tail. Bellamy’s not sure which is worse.

‘That your girlfriend?’ The Carrier sounds more than interested. As much as Bellamy wanted the man off him, the feeling of him finally getting up sends Bellamy into a worse panic. He’s going for Clarke.

‘NO!’ Bellamy grunts, grabbing hold of the man before he can go any further. It’s difficult to keep his eyes closed without the blindfold - it’s a constant fight between natural instinct to open his eyes and holding concentration enough to keep them closed.

The next few minutes go by in a blur. Bellamy is vaguely aware of this animalistic side that’s come over him. He’s doing pretty much anything to keep the Carrier here, a direct contrast to a few minutes ago. He can’t let him look for Clarke, for the kids. She’s already battling the creatures - a battle that Bellamy doesn’t know if she’s winning or not. But he can’t afford to lose his one.

The Carrier knocks Bellamy with his arm and the back of his head slaps off what Bellamy assumes is a stray rock. He feels dizzy afterwards but the adrenaline inside him won’t let him give up. Using whatever sense is left in him, Bellamy grabs the rock and heaves it in the direction of the Carrier’s grunts and shallow breaths.

It’s a strange feeling to be relieved when it connects and silence falls around Bellamy once more. He’s on his hands and knees, eyes closed as he pants for air. Fuck. He waves his hands around the ground, finding his blindfold but nothing else. Once it’s tied securely back on, he checks the Carrier to make sure he’s dead - he can’t risk just leaving him unconscious.

There’s no pulse point.

What has this world turned them into? Bellamy, a murderer - the Carriers? Monsters.

Or maybe Bellamy is a monster too. He bites his lip, wondering what his mother would think of him now. The things that they’ve done to survive have pushed them all over their breaking points, yet none of them are allowed to break. They don’t have the time for that.

Bellamy tries to stand on shaky legs but he falls back against a nearby tree, unable to keep on his feet. He’s not sure if that’s due to the bang on the head or his sore leg from the last Carrier, but he can’t walk. He slides down the bark, breathing heavily as the nausea churns his stomach.

 _Clarke_.

Silence fills the space around him - he can’t hear her anymore. He can’t hear anything only a soft ringing in his ears. He needs to get to her, shit. He can’t stay here.

Yet, the darkness that comes for him makes him stay - and it’s blacker than any blindfold could produce.

 

-

 

Bellamy isn’t sure if it’s the sound of the raindrops belting off the forest floor that wakes him or the cold feeling of it’s drops against his face, but either way - he knows when he comes round that it’s spilling from the heavens.

He groans as he adjusts himself. The ache in his leg has turned into a throb and there’s a pain in the back of his head that matches it exactly. He’s soaked, making it twice as uncomfortable when he tries to stand up. Once upright, his head spins and he has to grab onto the tree bark to stop himself from falling. To be honest, Bellamy imagines the only thing really keeping him conscious at this point is the cold.

Wincing through the pain, he opens his eyes beneath the blindfold which reveals that it’s bright out. Raining, but bright. He obviously remained passed out for the entire night. _Fuck_ \- it’s a miracle nobody came across him. The creatures and Carrier’s could have had a field day with him lying there so defenceless.

Reality starts to sink in then, memories of Clarke screaming flooding back to him. He couldn’t help her - the kids were obviously gone and the creatures had _his girl_ in their grips. _Fuck_. He can’t help himself - he lashes out, punching the tree a few times for good measure. Damn it.

The likelihood of her finding the kids after being separated are low and if she didn’t have them, he’s not sure if she’d fight enough for herself.

Bellamy takes a few deep breaths to steady himself, scrubbing a hand through his dark curls. He can hear Marcus’ birds through the heavy thud of rain, so that at least is a good sign. If Marcus can be trusted, that is. Well, there’s nothing else to do. Bellamy just has to make it to the compound, otherwise he’ll never have any answers. The chances of Clarke being there are slim to none, but maybe if the place is safe, he can rally a search party and they can try find her. Even if it’s just bodies that they find, at least he’ll know.

He can’t live with not knowing.

A tear threatens to escape his eye line but Bellamy sniffles hard, steadying himself. Now is not the time for this. He steps over the Carrier’s dead body and follows the noise of the birds, rain dripping from his features at every step.

It takes him a good hour to stumble up to the compound, between taking wrong turns, his bad leg and tripping on uneven terrain. The rain has cleared up, leaving the smell of damp trees around the place. It also left a beautiful sound of peace in its wake - one that Marcus’ birds fill up with their happy chirps and songs. This is definitely the right place.

The handle on the door is locked, so Bellamy pounds on it as hard as he can with his fist.

‘Hello?’

Nothing.

He bangs on it again, harder this time - if that’s even possible.

‘Hello? I’m looking for Marcus. I followed the river to this compound. Please - open the door.’

He hears the door click open and he braces himself - if they’re Carriers, he’s completely unarmed and probably not in any fit state to fight. Besides, he has no where to go. Maybe this is death’s door.

He feels many hands on his body, ushering him inside while they slam the door behind him. Before he can even catch up to what’s happening, his blindfold is whipped off and a light is piercing his vision. He tries to struggle but given his injuries, he can’t give it as much effort as he wants.

‘He’s fine’ a voice says. ‘Clear.’

‘What the fuck?’ Bellamy glances around at the people surrounding him. He doesn’t recognise a soul.

‘You’re safe’ someone tells him. ‘Go get Marcus’ she instructs her friend. Bellamy lets out a sigh of relief - Marcus is here, he’s in the right place. And they don’t seem to be infected with whatever the creatures do to people.

‘I’m looking for someone’ Bellamy announces, voice shaking.

‘First, you need to be treated’ the girl responds. ‘Look at your leg.’

Bellamy glances down, watching blood trickle out of a very open wound. Dark liquid stains his pants fabric around it and he knows this is part of the reason he’s feeling faint. He’s losing too much blood.

‘Shit’ he breathes.

‘You’ve got a nice gash on your jaw, too’ the girl moves closer, a little wary. She reminds Bellamy of Harper in many ways. ‘You’ve been through the wars, it seems.’

Bellamy moves his fingers over his jaw, feeling a roughness there like it’s grazed. He runs his tongue over his bottom lip too, feeling a little split too. His knuckles are torn from his fight with the Carrier and his own fight with the tree - he must look a state.

‘Follow the hallway to the courtyard. Don’t worry - the creatures can’t get in there. Marcus will find you out there and bring you to our healer.’

‘Thank you’ Bellamy manages, taking one final glance at his welcomers in the hallway before limping away.

He can hear chatter and laughter coming from the courtyard the closer he gets, children squealing as they play. They have a good establishment here - he only wishes it were his kids that were playing out there. The pain in his heart makes him stop and he has to take a breath to calm himself. His eyes fall shut as he wills himself to hold it together.

He can’t lose it yet. Won’t until he sees their bodies.

He opens his eyes and a plaque catches his eye - dusty and ancient on it’s home on the wall.

**'Thelonious Jaha, School for the Blind.'**

Shit, no wonder these people survived. Taking a deep breath, Bellamy pushes open the door to reveal the outside world - one that’s safe to look at.

The sun is spilling it’s light into the whole place, through little slits in the ivy and moss covered ceiling. There’s a large tree in the centre of the courtyard, it’s size matching the ones he remembers climbing with Octavia only by a fraction. Birds flutter around the grates on the ceiling, escaping to the outside world and back in again. Laughter can be heard from all angles and Bellamy watches little kids jumping in and out of a small stream, enjoying life like they have nothing to fear in this whole world.

Bellamy doesn’t even realise that his imprisoned tears have escaped. They run steadily down his cheek and into his beard. This place is beautiful but what get’s Bellamy is that his kids will never see it. They would have loved it here and they’d be finally able to relate to Bellamy’s stories.

Clarke would have loved it here. A place where the two of them could be at peace, live amongst other people as happy as they were when things were good in their safe house. What he’d give to kiss her again, to hold her.

Raven and Murphy could have watched Madi and Jordan grow up and they could all have been so fucking happy here. He’s lost too many people - he’s lost fucking everyone.

‘Fuck’ Bellamy whispers under his breath, closing his eyes. They were so close.

‘Oh my God’ a faint voice says from behind him and Bellamy freezes. His heart stops beating and his breath catches in his throat because he knows that voice. It’s a voice he left behind long ago, one that he thought he had forgotten about - but now that he hears it, he realises he never forgot at all.

He turns slow, as if fearing that turning too quickly would erase the moment that’s about to happen. Tears are already in his eyes when they land on her. She’s older, her dark hair is a little longer and she looks the sort of skinny that only happens when she stops eating proper meals. He used to chastise her over it when she went to college, told her a diet of beer and one pizza a day wasn’t enough to nourish her. Yet - she’s alive. _His little sister_.

‘O’ he breathes. She’s standing a couple of feet away from him, carrying a bunch of sticks like she’s transporting them somewhere for firewood. Her eyes are wide and streaming big tears, like she can’t believe he’s here. He knows the feeling.

The silence draws out between them for a moment until it snaps, and Octavia drops everything in her arms to lunge forward at him. He catches her just as she wraps her arms around his neck and his eyes close once more, relishing in the feeling of holding his baby sister again.

‘Bellamy’ she cries, tucking her nose into his shoulder like she used to do when she was small. He grips her tightly as if to muffle the sob that rips through his chest. Fuck, she’s alive and she’s here.

‘I thought you were dead’ he chokes out and soon, her sobs match his own. When they finally separate, she’s smiling so wide.

‘You made it’ she shakes her head, as if in disbelief. Bellamy furrows his brow, confused now.

‘You knew I was coming?’

Maybe Marcus told her about the radio call. Octavia’s smile fades into a knowing one and her eyes soften, like she’s about to reveal some massive secret to him. She looks out to the grass where a number of people are sitting and Bellamy follows her stare, landing right on Madi who is picking up daisies by the stream.

He can feel Octavia’s eyes drift back to him as if she’s checking his reaction but all he can do is focus on his little girl. She’s wearing a black and white polka dot dress, second hand by a mile but beautiful, and her long black hair is freshly washed. Bellamy hasn’t taken a breath in what feels like minutes but when his eyes land on a blonde girl, sitting a few paces over from Madi, his chest almost gives out.

 _Clarke_.

Jordan is beside her, mouth running a mile a minute as he tells some story or another but Clarke is watching Madi with a soft look on her face. Her hair is freshly washed too, curly in the way he remembers from when the shower worked at the house. She’s dressed in a navy tank top and denim shorts, showing off her legs. Her cheek is leaning against her knee, propping her up as she watches the kids. She looks sad though - maybe nobody else can tell, but Bellamy can.

His heart skips another beat when he sees Raven come up behind Clarke, placing a hand on her back as she sits down. Clarke glances at her, giving her a small smile before going back to watching Madi again. Murphy appears beside Madi then, helping her pick some more daisies for her collection.

They’re alive. His friends, his kids, his girl.

He wants to call for Clarke but the words are stuck in his throat. He’s luckily saved the effort when he hears Madi scream his name. His eyes connect with hers for a second, realising that she’s seen him. Murphy turns his head, spotting him at the exact moment Raven does. She stands abruptly, wide eyed as they all notice him. Jordan has gotten to his feet now too and he must be shouting Bellamy’s name as well but Bellamy can hear nothing but his heart pounding.

His eyes lock on Clarke, who is standing almost in slow motion. She’s looking at him like she can’t even believe what she’s seeing. He can see her chest heaving up and down though, much the way his own is. He never thought he’d see her beautiful face again.

Madi is the first to break, sprinting towards him as fast as her little legs will carry her. Bellamy wastes no more time - he darts away from his sister towards Madi, trying to shorten her distance by speed walking as fast as his injured leg will let him. People are watching the show but he doesn’t care - all that exists to him are his family. He only gets as far as the grass before he drops down on one knee, arms open just in time for Madi to crash into him.

‘Bellamy’ she cries as Bellamy holds her little body against him. He can’t believe this is happening. Jordan arrives shortly after, shoving himself into Bellamy’s other side. He winces from the pain that burns through his leg but it doesn’t stop him from pulling Jordan closer.

‘You’re alive’ he whispers to them, kissing both of their heads. Emotion bubbles in his chest, yearning to spill over but he manages to hold it together.

‘My man’ Murphy is next, helping Bellamy stand up before he embraces him into a hug. Madi and Jordan skip back to Octavia who is catching up to them, walking over to him smiling. Bellamy feels lightheaded, whether it’s from his blood loss or from this situation, he can’t tell.

Raven swings her arm around him just as Murphy pulls back, squeezing him tightly as she does so.

‘Thank God’ she says against his ear. Over Raven’s shoulder, Bellamy’s eyes land on Clarke’s again who has slowly walked over towards him, like she’s the one afraid now that any small movement will make him disappear. She’s crying, hands up over her mouth and it breaks Bellamy’s heart.

Breaking away from his friends, his legs carry him over to Clarke, eyes never leaving hers. She looks so fragile, so broken. But she’s here and his heart is soaring, tripping inside of him. It’s a euphoric feeling.

He swiftly places his hand on her jawline, eyes darting all over her features before pulling her face towards him and swallowing her cry in a kiss so deep that he never wants to come up for air. She wraps her arms around, fingers grazing his skin tightly as if to prove to herself that this is real. The dam seems to break within Bellamy then, tears pouring out from his closed eyes. _He feels like he's dreaming_.

Bellamy can hear Madi giggling and Octavia and the others are laughing - more joyous than teasing. The happiness is clearly pulsating through them all.

When he breaks away, he doesn’t go far as Clarke drags her forehead against his own, eyes still closed but damn, he can’t not look at her. She saved their kids - just like she did all those years ago. More than that, she saved _him_. He doesn’t know what he would have done without her.

‘Good job, mama’ he repeats those words back to her, the ones he told her when she first saved the kids from Cage. This draws out a small smile from her as she gets the reference.

‘You’re here’ she whispers weakly.

‘Yeah baby’ he tells her. ‘I got you.’

This is what seems to break her because he barely catches Clarke in time when she falls against him, crying harder than he’s ever seen her. He wraps his arms around her, holding her tight against him as he comforts her.

‘Baby, it’s okay’ he kisses the top of her head, rocking her gently against him. He meets Octavia’s eye, who just stares at him in admiration.

‘Now there’s something I thought I’d never see’ she smirks, a nod to the fact that she’s never seen Bellamy be this intimate with anyone. His and Clarke’s love - it speaks volumes to everyone around them and it shines off them in spades.

‘You’re hurt’ Clarke sniffles, running her hand over his leg when she finally gathers enough strength to pull away.

‘I’m fine’ he tells her but it’s probably not convincing - his colour is probably shit from blood loss, his facial injuries probably don't make him look much better and soon, the adrenaline and euphoria of seeing his family again will wear off and the pain will come back.

‘Let’s get it checked anyway’ a voice says and when Bellamy looks, a bearded man is standing across from them, smiling. He guesses this is Marcus. ‘I’ll try not to keep you long’ he smiles.

‘Go’ Raven encourages him. ‘We’ll watch these two’ she ruffles Jordan’s hair, who playfully swats her away.

‘Yeah, go get taken care of, big brother’ Octavia smiles and it makes Bellamy’s heart miss a few beats. How has he got this lucky to have them _all_ here?

‘We got a lot of catching up to do later, though’ Murphy points at him, picking up Madi into his arms who just gives a soft wave to Bellamy.

Bellamy smiles, nodding as Clarke helps him to walk after Marcus.

Shit - this is the happiest he’s felt in such a long time. Clarke is alive, his kids are alive, Raven and Murphy, _his sister_. They may have lost good people along the way - his mom, Harper, Monty, Jasper, Maya, Echo - but the rest of them made it. They struggled and fought and survived.

‘Don’t ever do that to me again’ Clarke nudges an elbow into his side and he smirks, leaning a little heavier on her now as his leg injury grows more painful. Marcus has walked on ahead of them, giving them some space.

He stops once they are around the corner, away from the eyes of the others. Clarke looks at him, brows furrowed as she tries to work out why he’s not walking anymore.

‘I love you, Princess’ he tells her, a smile on his face as the warmth in his heart fills him. All he wanted was to tell her that again - for her to hear him. Clarke’s eyes soften before she leans up, pressing a kiss to his lips once more. She takes his breath away every damn time.

‘I love you too’ she says when she pulls back.

Fuck, he’s actually beaming. They are together once more and now, they can finally have a life together - a life that is about more than just surviving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL from the bottom of my heart. Another multi-chapter finished and as always, your comments and messages blow me away. I've enjoyed bringing you on this journey with me and Devil Side will forever be one of my favourite fics to have written. I heard they're planning a Bird Box 2 so if that happens and I feel inspired from it, you may see another part to this fic.
> 
> I have also been nominated in the BFWA After Dark awards and I'm so appreciative of those who did that for me. To those of you who voted and got me into the semi finals - thank you!  
> Two of my other Bellarke fics ( _Waste It on Me + Lose You Too_ ) made it to Round 1 winners which is just MIND BOGGLING.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. You can find me and this fic on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com/post/182170282749/devil-side-a-bellarke-post-apocalypse-au-inspired) if you want to share it and that would just make my day :)


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